posted July 29, 2003 05:08 PM         

Are you able to realize it is a dream while you are dreaming? If you are unable to stop the dream, there are a few things that you may be able to do (it's what I've done in the past).

1) Meditate about the dreams before you fall asleep and what you would like to change.

2) Meditate about how you want it to be different, while telling yourself that you have the power to change the dream.

3) Chant to yourself: I can defeat you, I am stronger than you and I will not let you destroy my life: you are banished from my dreams.

It may take more than a few nights, but just know that you are powerful enough to make it stop. If you are able to recognize that you are in a dream, then you will have even more power to make it stop.

posted July 29, 2003 05:11 PM         

im sorry. i can relate. i was in an abusive relationship a few years ago.

your dreams are based on some sort of fears probably... i will think about it, because if we can get to the cause of the dreams (what your subconscious is trying to tell you) then you know what the problem is, and they will probably stop.

*hugs*

posted July 31, 2003 02:13 AM         

i sure am a libra, my dear. with a libra stellium i daresay ive got it bad, too. ive very much enjoyed your support and friendship. i often feel like im the only one with my particular point of view, and that gets lonely. im just glad you understand me, and i think i understand you too, and i certainly helps that you are such a sweet caring person. boy im awkward with my words today lol! something must be going on with my libra merc

are you libra too?

about having experienced abuse, yes this is something i know all too well. before my saturn return it was all i knew. i really feel that life really begins in your 30's lol! my life had little of value to it until my 30's started. any time you want to talk feel free, i have a soft spot in my heart for those who have been through experiences like mine. if you want to talk offboard my email addy is available, if you look.

anyway regarding your dream. i guess i have a few questions too. im gonna write this all free form/stream of consciousness, which is sometimes useful, so just ask if you want clarification on something.

happily single, ok... have you been thinking of a new relationship, or felt like you are ready yet... has the thought/possibility of a new relationship occurred? even finding out that somebody might fancy you, even if you arent ready? even if you declined...

i think about the friends. our friends we choose, and we are usually more comfortable with our friends than with our family, except in certain cases where people are lucky enough to have a great family. were your friends ever aware of what happened with you? did they know about the abuse? what were their reactions? they never met him... but did they know of his existance?

a couple of phrases leap out at me namely 'powerless to speak' 'behind my back'. is there anything going on with your friends right now? do you feel that someone might be talking about you behind your back? i get the feeling its about your friends, and the fact that hes in your dream is because hes probably the source of the most hurt in your recent life. so he doesnt represent himself, but a source of pain, a symbol you can associate with, albeit a rather negative one. it sounds like you have well and truly moved on from this relationship, you have had therapy which is good. i dont feel this is a setback, although we can revisit emotional pain in our lives even when we are well and truly over it. certainly stress can do this.

what bothers you the most about his presence? the fact that he has power over you? the fact that hes simply there? the fact that you cant tell anyone about your pain? the fact that you are hurting? these will help me to narrow it down a little. one or more, even all of them, a different one, or none.

it just comes down to victimization and secretiveness. those are the most in-your-face elements of the dream. do these two facets ring any bells? the rest seems about setting. you could have dreamt anyone was hurting you, but it was him, so that tells me its personal, its not like a monster was doing it. fear of personal hurt... behind the scenes... forcing you to act a certain way in the public (your friends). have you maybe been feeling like its hard to act 'normal' when you have gone through such an experience? it might help to know where you met your friends.

it usually helps in dream interpretation to actually ask what certain elements mean to the person who dreamt the dream. water might mean emotions to one person, yet might mean refreshment to another. its rather subjective that way. so, perhaps those are the questions i should be asking.

posted July 31, 2003 02:14 AM         

what do your friends mean to you?

what does your rib cage mean to you? (i know that sounds silly but bear with me )

same with your skin? (again with the silly question, but again, bear with)

what does a relationship mean to you at this time of life?

if you want you dont have to answer those questions here if they are too personal. you dont have to at all, or if you dont mind but want to do it privately feel free to email me.

im just trying to narrow the focus of this dream.

have you still been having them? or any other dreams?

something that just occured to me is that perhaps you are afraid to have another relationship as if it became another abusive one it would be hard to admit that you made a mistake, for obvious reasons. its pretty awful to be in the position of having to say 'oops it happened again' as we tend to take on some responsibility with these relationships. you know about the abuse dynamic right? perhaps thats a fear of yours. it was not your fault that he turned out to be a jerk, and if you did have another relationship with someone who was not very nice that wouldnt be your fault either. you arent responsible for his actions. what was your crime? giving the sod a chance? never blame yourself. i dont get the impression that you do, but it can never be said enough, and i try to post with the knowledge that there may be people out there that dont post, but might read, and may be in a similar situation.

another thing that just occurred to me is that perhaps your friends might feel you are ready for a new relationship, or might wonder why you havent had a new one, or maybe they say things about finding one. innocuous comments in general conversation like 'my man does this or that and i dont know what id do without him' can make you feel subconscious pressure, if you dont share that statement. obviously that would bring to mind how a relationship can cause hurt as well as fulfillment, and your experiences might make you feel like there is a disparity with you and your friends outlook.

ok ill stop there without feedback from you, as i could spiral forever... so give me some direction if you want and ill have another go. you dont have to post anymore either, if you get something from what ive said thats good too. if you are still unclear though, ask away.

*lots of love and hugs*

~ana

ps sorry thats so much... i dont mean to overwhelm you with words. i guess i just think that the more i get down there, the greater the chance something will 'chime' with you.

pps look in universal codes for a thread im going to make in a moment, it shall be called 'your sacred place' and i believe it might be of some help to you

posted July 31, 2003 02:23 AM         

i am sorry that all my questions were so personal thats the nature of this dream though, it *is* a very personal one and so its sort of a necessity to get at the bottom of it. like i said though, dont share anything you arent comfortable sharing.

hopefully my questions didnt make you feel uncomfortable at all, i reread the posts three times so i tried to be really careful. if i did i am sorry and will delete anything you want me too, just ask.

*yet more hugs*

posted July 31, 2003 01:25 PM         

Your post is quite adequate! There is nothing to stand up to around here! Any and all comments are appreciated, no matter how long or short. In fact, your short message is very useful! Your mother is wise.

posted July 31, 2003 01:41 PM         

You wish to eradicate the dreams? Pidaua's suggestions are right on the spot. I would add one thing - write out your thoughts. Write out the original dream, and then re-write it the way you wish. By writing, you engage both hemispheres of the brain thereby making a stronger impression upon your subconscious.

This thought is a bit different, may sound strange, and may be difficult, but it is important to acknowledge your ex in this dream ... and to thank his dream-image for the lessons you learned by living through that relationship. You are stronger now, with growing confidence, and you will not allow this to happen again - these are things to be thankful for.

If you kill, banish, or otherwise forcibly rid yourself of the ex from your dreams, you run the risk of manifesting the re-appearance of the energy which he represents. It will manifest in a different form. It will continue to re-appear until it is dealt with through understanding, and LOVE. Difficult, most certainly - impossible, no. At least think about it.

posted July 31, 2003 08:16 PM         

a couple of phrases leap out at me namely 'powerless to speak' 'behind my back'. is there anything going on with your friends right now? do you feel that someone might be talking about you behind your back? i get the feeling its about your friends, and the fact that hes in your dream is because hes probably the source of the most hurt in your recent life. so he doesnt represent himself, but a source of pain,

Could this be the man I spoke of before, my HS love, as I never expected him to behave the way he is right now, he has totally and unexpectedly rejected me, even as a friend and it really hurts! His sister and I are good friends too, but I haven't seen her in a while, maybe it is them talking about me?

what bothers you the most about his presence? - If I had to see him again, (most unlikely, but still) I am still afraid of him, and very angry at him for myself and my daughter...
the fact that he has power over you? - He makes me angry because I feel his power is still effecting my life, because I'm scared of a new relationship, and because my daughter is having recall about events I didn't think she would remember and also she's hurt that he can't/won't (?) be in her life... In the dream? - because I'm so afraid of him and frustrated that I can't make people see what he's really like...
the fact that hes simply there? - I want him gone from my present picture, I don't want him interfering with this new life I'm making for myself...
the fact that you cant tell anyone about your pain? - see above, and it's really scarey that I'm trying to talk and can't...
the fact that you are hurting? - the pain is just like, so intense it's hard to explain, but it's still there when I wake up, like he's reaching me all over again, I wake up wanting someone there to say 'Aww did you have a bad dream? like your mum used to when you were small, and cuddle you til you go back to sleep... My mum BTW is great, she's a social worker and has been very supportive, and was the one who fielded the calls and kept him at bay, when he was looking for us! Yeah Mum
The setting - the first few I had were in 'said' friend's house, a place he's never been, this last one was at a party in a house I don't recognise, but took place in a long, narrow white corridor and we were standing in front of an arched doorway and friends were in the room on the otherside of arch? Any clues??

The next questions I've tried to answer without thinking much, like gut reaction -
what does your ex mean to you? - Scarey shadow on my horizon, threat to my new life, future existence
what do your friends mean to you? - source of emotional support, bit lacking at the moment

what does your rib cage mean to you? (i know that sounds silly but bear with me ) - It houses my heart(?)

same with your skin? (again with the silly question, but again, bear with) - protective layer against the elements - again (?)

what does a relationship mean to you at this time of life? - Block to my career ambitions and relationship with my daughter
Wow, I'm surprising myself!

Okay, I'm getting there - I've not been asked to keep any secrets lately, I have had quite of few of these dreams about him, but not for the last couple of nights, but the last dream I had was this -
My Friend (mentioned above), myself, her fiance and my HS love, were in a restaurant and I knew they were going to propose to each of us, but they were playing a trick and my HS love had a huge bunch of beautiful flowers and ring (meant for my friend) and her fiance had one flower for me a purple one with a really long stem (ridiculously long) wrapped in some cheap tissue paper and a ring (which I didn't see), and the joke was that her fiance was going to propose to me and vice versa my HS Love to her, but a waiter or someone interupted me saying something over my shoulder but I couldn't hear him and I woke up! Wierd!

Oh, and the responsibility thing - consciously I know violence is never an answer to anything and his lack of self-control was his issue not mine, but - BUT I'm constantly trying to analyse 'what went wrong???'
Does this help with the spiral thing?

Drea - Thanks, though I need to imagine someone else's dog, my is an ankle biter! Good tip though, maybe I'll imagine Harry Potter's invisability cloak instead!

Ra - Yes, I do keep a dream diary, and it is helpful to go back and look at the similarities. Thanks for the love tip, I am trying to see the lessons still. Some I get, but I feel I'm missing something as he's still in my Psyche...

Thanks everyone - for your input, I feel I'm being heard and loved - Thank You

posted July 31, 2003 11:58 PM         

may i also say how incredible a person you are... i know you will get through this.

i have tears in my eyes, heh. you have touched me deeply. the insight on this dream all came together when you said 'it houses my heart'. i got goosebumps and it all came together like a tapestry. you will be fine, and this dream is a gift to you i am only sorry that it hurt you. sometimes we need pain to get our attention though. remember the myth of chiron, the wounded healer... it was only when he suffered from a poison arrow that he set about to heal his own pain and that of others.

ill deal with my emotional response first (tears) and then in a few minutes ill start composing what i intuit about this.

*huge hugs and love*

bless you cat

posted August 01, 2003 03:16 AM         

pidaua, Ra, drea, wow. you guys amaze me. excellent feedback. i love how much i learn here from you all! drea, you are wonderful! it doesnt take a flood to water a plant. the purest form of communication there is, is in using one single sentence to convey an worthy sentiment. you know the quote 'i think, therefore i am', im sure. that is one sentence that is most valuable in its purest form, anything more than that one sentence would detract from its meaning. your one single sentence contained a most valuable piece of advice. i totally understand how the mind has so much when words seem hard to grasp... i feel you there. i have a predominance of air sign (including merc in libra although Rx) so i suppose i have an abundance of words at my fingertips, but i often feel that i havent adequately conveyed my pure thoughts through them. i would definitely agree with your post, thats a very good way to gain protection in our dreams. i had never thought of that, thank you (and your mom) for teaching us that. i think thats excellent and i will use it if i start dreaming again.

ok cat... this is what im thinking. isnt it funny btw that the dreams with the least amount of confusing elements end up being the ones that have the most elements in real life? then the very complex convoluted dreams often end up having simple meanings. just something ive noticed.

oh btw, one day soon i will have a little look at your chart if you want. i cant commit right now as eek! theres tons going on on that front, and im horrible at pacing myself. im sure i will look eventually though. id love to help you with things you dont quite 'get', and if youd do the same for me someday, if you would like to.

posted August 01, 2003 03:17 AM         

like i said, it all came clear when you said 'it houses my heart'. i honestly felt goosebumps and as if i was standing under an emotional waterfall.

it seems to be that you really are feeling pressure from outside sources. sources that are attacking your sense of cohesion, comfort and protection (skin) and core (ribcage = heart = libra... where else would a librans core be?).

you have a symbol of a male in your life that is hurting these areas, and in real life it equates to getting 'under your skin' in the metaphorical sense, and i believe that your ex is a symbol for both of these men. it was the one you would probably identify with the most, as it sounds like the other fellow is sort of playing with you emotionally, and thats harder to express in the abstract of dreams so your psyche probably used the more tangible of the two. one of the dreams occurred in the hs exes house? that would connect him. even if it wasnt, it sounds like he was very 'there' in your dream through other elements, perhaps by mere association. you have two things then to reconcile with regard to the exes. i would imagine you still have issues about your exhusband, and rightly so. especially considering your daughter. she is very much your 'heart', y'know? has your daughter ever had therapy of any sort? that might be something to think about. also if you feel that you would like to talk to a therapist again, i dont think it would be a setback. im sure you can handle this on your own but sometimes its just nice to have someone there with you. you dont have to deal with any of this alone, is what im trying to say.

ok this is getting long so im going to post it although im not done, but i guess structure does help me some, so having this part taken care of will help me let go and move on to the other parts of the dream. i really have to try to not get overwhelmed, and thats a good way to do it. the very nature of this dream demanded a thorough examination though, so its good to have so many exchanges of ideas and facts etc. gah do i make sense? tee hee. might take me an hour to compose the rest of this. *it was already too long so this will be part two, part three forthcoming *sigh* am i really that verbose? i try to only say what i *have* to. ok part three comin.

posted August 01, 2003 04:50 AM         

as far as your hs ex and his sister talking about you, it could very well be possible, but id suggest discarding that thought as you have no way of proving it, and its not worthwhile to you to fret over it. i only asked about it because it might have helped to narrow in on a factor of the dream, but we understand whats going on now. i thought if it was one friend in particular then it might be symbolic in the dream. it still is, in the dream but perhaps not literally. i just dont want you to worry that people are talking about you behind your back, im sorry i wasnt clear about that before, oops! my mind works faster than my fingers sometimes and then theres the whole translation thing, etc. *sheepish*

ok about the pressure and comments of friends that might not understand where you are at... i personally think that you have a very healthy outlook. its a good philosophy you have about THE one, not the 'next' one! only you know what is best for you. you have experienced something that is beyond the scope of the average human experience. far too many of us have had these experiences... but your friends dont have the same standards as you because they havent lived your life, walked in your moccasins so to speak.

i think that you have several options open to you. you can just reconcile within yourself to pay no mind to the comments your friends make, if any of them say something like 'why dont you get married again! we want to see you happy!' something that is useful is to smile and say 'oh, when im ready, itll happen'. thats just one option. you could also talk to your friends and tell them how you feel. you might not want to share with them something that seems to 'set you apart' from them, so the other option i can think of at this moment is to find other friends, perhaps in a support group, or even here, that have gone through similar things as you. share your experiences and feelings, listen to others, and you will see that you are not alone, and your other friends comments might not make you feel so uncomfortable. that lets you enjoy their friendship, but also your need to be understood in other ways is met too.

about the hs ex, i really feel like he is just not being very kind to you right now and you are probably better off leaving him alone until he works out his issues. try to pay him back as soon as possible and then he cannot hold that over your head anymore. thats a form of power over another, when you lend money. it is dependance, it assures that you 'owe' this person in more ways than financially. when we owe someone money, we are somewhat beholden to them. anyway i would pay him back as soon as i could, and then leave him alone because if he is going to be so petty and thoughtless, he doesnt have your best interests at heart. best to leave him alone until he can work out whatever issue hes got. its a little bit emotionally abusive, what hes doing, in my opinion. i dont know the whole story though, take that with a grain of salt as i wouldnt be me if i didnt let some of my own righteous indignation rear its head in this post. tee hee.

its too bad because that really was a noble thing of him to do, to help you get away from that ex of yours.

posted August 01, 2003 04:50 AM         

what does your ex mean to you? - Scarey shadow on my horizon, threat to my new life, future existence

somehow you are going to have to let go of his spectre forever. like i said up there about maybe some therapy for your daughter... and even talking to someone yourself. ill say it again, you dont have to go through this alone. its hard... but i know you can do it. i havent thought about my abusive ex for quite some time. its easier for me as you have a child... but i know that in time, you will be ok. just remember that the power he holds over you now is not in the physical realm, but the emotional. that should make it easier to deal with. if you ever feel though, that he is going to make problems for you again in the physical realm, dont hesitate to tell someone and take the appropriate measures. the worst is over though, i believe that.

what do your friends mean to you? - source of emotional support, bit lacking at the moment

it might be time to find a way to get that emotional support and not rely on your friends, much like i said up there. keep them as friends, but i think its important for you to connect with people who have gone through what you have gone through, and are stronger people for it.

what does your rib cage mean to you? (i know that sounds silly but bear with me ) - It houses my heart(?)

start doing some things to enrich your core. i imagine that hes done a number on your self esteem. be kind to yourself, forgive yourself. you really do deserve a pat on the back for getting through what you have experienced. take care of that precious heart of yours

same with your skin? (again with the silly question, but again, bear with) - protective layer against the elements - again (?)

this also ties in to self esteem. you seem like you have a really healthy self esteem, but make sure you dont forget to love yourself and pamper yourself often! self esteem is a protective layer that prevents others from taking advantage of us. confidence in oneself is empowerment. in your dream you were powerless, so perhaps its time to do some introspective work on *you* yourself to find more of your inner strengths. i tell this to people so much because we simply honestly just forget... but fall in love with yourself again! explore things in yourself that are uniquely you, and are beautiful and special!

what does a relationship mean to you at this time of life? - Block to my career ambitions and relationship with my daughter

i think its probably a good idea to not even consider a relationship right now. i know you already know what you want in that regard. you dont *have* to have a relationship, so dont even bother taking well meaning friends personally. just smile and nod, because you know what is best for you. besides, you are going to be too busy writing yourself love letters to have a boyfriend, lol! take care of what you need to take care of first. dont be afraid to ask for help.

i think that these dreams will cease once you resolve the issues head on. arent dreams messages? sometimes all we need to get the message is to dream the dream, other times the dream is a catalyst telling us where to look in our lives to where we need attention.

in the meantime, the sacred place thread is still coming along and so i havent posted what we can do with that information, but ill put a little secret in here for you, ill cheat a little :X

your sacred place? use it to meditate when you are feeling upset. when you are scared, when you have just woken from a nightmare... anytime you feel sad or stressed or worried, take 5 minutes or however long, close your eyes, and spend a little time there.

there is more to the sacred place, but i thought id share that so you could use it now. i have to keep some things fair, right? what libra would i be otherwise? we only have a small quota of unfairness we can do, so i better stop it

phew... this is long enough so i will stop here, as i am tired too. its 1:24am my time. i hope some of this helped.

if you have any more comments or questions or anything im here

*hugs*

posted August 01, 2003 08:49 AM         

that is so beautiful how you and your daughter can communicate! what a good idea! that reminds me of how they use dolls now to help kids who have been abused to show what happened. it is far easier for a child to express themselves that way. they dont have to worry about saying something that THEY feel might hurt mommy, or might be hard for them to say, you know? children are soooooo sensitive sometimes, moreso than we can remember. i remember vaguely being very sensitive, but its so long ago... its a shadow memory now really. your daughter is an indigo, wow. i havent read much about them, im still struggling with the concept of starseeds (i still find it hard to accept that i may be a reincarnated space alien god im cheeky as a monkey!) but i must admit the whole spectrum of starpeople/indigo is interesting.

im REALLY glad that you didnt mind all the information, lol! heck, i have been criticized a LOT for my being verbose. its like, uh scuse me, its just who i am hehe. thats one thing i love about lindaland too, not one person has said anything about it. generally folk here are way more tolerant than the status quo. we have so many tools at our disposal to understand people, so that stands to reason.

you write too? wow i write, but i havent written, if you know what i mean. i want to, i know i could... i just cant seem to unless its like, here or something. to actually sit and compose a letter almost makes me quiver. i dunno why. thats something im gonna have to deal with. i had thought about writing a book (i have a few ideas) but it will never get written if i sit here like a moron afraid to open word! lol! i dunno what that block is. one day i will figure it all out. i was thinking too that one day i might write a book with someone, like write my thoughts, then have someone help me put them into form. my part of fortune seems to suggest too that my biggest financial rewards will come from partnerships. that might be the way to go, one day when everythings ready.

you have quite the stellium yourself! no wonder we get on like a house on fire, lol! much mutual understanding with us, no doubt. whats your rising? i know you are cancer moon, and lots of libra, but i dont know your rising. i feel like i can say things and leave things out and you know exactly what i mean, lol. like, as i reread the last posts when i was writing this one (it helps me concentrate to do that, i dont know why) i noticed a couple of things that i didnt mean the way they were written, like i just didnt word them very gracefully, but i know you understood. heh i just love that, it lets me relax a little *lazy*

posted August 01, 2003 08:49 AM         

ugh im so tired, another sleepless night... insomnia and me are old friends, i just operate on a different schedule than most. i am getting tired though at this point so expecting anything intelligent to come out of this mushy pumpkin brain is not a safe bet

oh my email, its in my profile ^_^ if it isnt, i thought i put it there but if it isnt, its abstractica@hl-dc.com. phew.

i do so love john lennon.

its funny, you and i have a mutual admiration society, lol! how very libran! tee hee! its funny too watching two predominantly air people post!!! i can just imagine what other people think

wheeeee thats it for me, im running on fumes grrr @ only being able to use 8 smilies at a time, ive already deleted like 4 and probably i still have too many lol

*hugs* and loves!

posted August 01, 2003 08:29 PM         

I love it when that happens!

posted August 01, 2003 10:06 PM         

Ra you seem more restrained of a libra than us two, do you have a lot of earth or water in your chart? you do have that air intelligence and wisdom, to be sure! now this thread has turned into the libra admiration club, i better stop