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Author
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Topic: Memorizing with in a dream
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iAmThat
Knowflake Posts: 156
From: Edison, NJ, USA
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted October 04, 2004 12:03 AM
 
Last week I had a very exciting dream. I was memorizing within my dream.
There was supposed to be a play, and I was given 2 paragraphs to memorize. And the funny thing is I have only been on stage when I was 11 year old. I am not in to dramas or anything.
I had 5 minutes, and I was memoring the paragraph. Time was flying and I was told its ok. Cut short just remember one paragraph. I put all my attention and managed to get memorize that paragraph. My turn to enter the stage came. I thought I was ready. I forgot. Then I started memorizing again. And I woke up the next moment, caught up in that struggle. This dream occurred after 6 am. IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 4218
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted October 04, 2004 12:27 AM
*What was the paragraph?*
Did you remember it? It could be the supraconscious with a message, if it wasn't too anxious feeling.. If it was desperate feeling or you were anxious, it could be that you feel like you are needing to prove you can do it.. to others or yourself, and the time restraints just add a level of anxiety to the operation. You feel you have to prove yourself somehow, and worry about your performance in that sense. Is something fast and uncontrollable in your daily life? Something you need to grasp?IP: Logged |
iAmThat
Knowflake Posts: 156
From: Edison, NJ, USA
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted October 04, 2004 10:24 AM
Hi PixelPixie, When I woke up. I remembered it vividly. It was anxious feeling, but when I woke up I felt calm and at peace. I thought I will take a note of the dream sometime later in the day. Bad plan. I forgot what the paragraph said.
I thought its just a dream. Then I was reading about how we are caught up in the eternal and my dream hit me. I was thinking about us being asleep when we are totally awake and awake when we are totally asleep. You know what I am trying to say. There ain't anything moving fast in my life right now. Its me, who is trying to understand the wisdom of my existence. That is my only focus right now. Job is going smooth and really does not require brain. Only time. Hope I am not hallucinating ?
Regards.
IP: Logged |
iAmThat
Knowflake Posts: 156
From: Edison, NJ, USA
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted October 04, 2004 03:29 PM
Also, I am at a road which I think would come to a dead end and there is no hope.
I am not afraid. Or jittery. Also not totally in a situation that Philbird described he was in. Nothing excites me these days. neither laughter. Cries does get my attention. These mood swing does not last long. But when it does come, it does not go away for days. Its just that I feel i have not contributed to humanity enough. What have I achieved. Is able to meed needs of family and richness an achievement. Why is it that I feel, just living on bread everyday not enough. And as I write this, I am wondering, if my dream is implying exactly that. Everyone on the stage had done their part and I was miserable. Am I a failure in this earthly life. I don't feel my time has come to die.
But I am worried about what is my contribution to the world. The 3rd of time I spend on job, is only helping drug companies, build more profits. The drugs are only available to those who can afford.
I feel sad, that I have no choice, no skills that I can work for philantrophic organization. Anyways..sorry for pouring this out. could not control.
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pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 4218
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted October 04, 2004 08:44 PM
Well.. lemme tell you.. there's a reason you pour it out here in a way you cannot control... I will be reading it, and like hearing what's on your mind, and you know what else I like to do? Yell at your insecurities until they retreat enough that the real you can come on out and shine. So, If you'd kindly just cover your ears and step aside, I will now address these silly thoughts that are assailing you....
*AHEM*
I know you like to be heard, and sometimes you sound real convincing.. but I know better. I know you offer comfort when the synapses snap and rub together loudly obliterating any sense of strength from lighter sources.... but I know better. You are sweet and seductive and when we feel your dark arms caressing our corners, it feels oddly good to be numb and let you take over. Just to step aside, be a little consumed by the mantras..
If only... If only I were.. If only I did.. Why?... How come I am not___ enough or _____ enough. I wish I could do that, but I will never be able to because I am not good enough, not devoted enough, not pious enough, not at all like so-and-so, who is so amazingly everything I want to be. I hate what I do and what I have done and I will always be like this so I might as well just give up and die. Cuz, you know.. once I die.. apparently ( so these dark, seductive voices say)everything will be better? If not better.. then numb.. nothing. Yes nothing.
But then how will I know if I ever came out intact on the other side of that lesson I had to learn? How will I know the growth I would have gained if only I had stuck it out... and after all.. there was a moment yesterday, as I perched on a bench, when I looked at the clouds and the red rim of dusk just peeking though them, and I swear it was God telling me with warmth that it would all be okay. That bird trusting me as I fed it crumbs. The sadness I felt as I read the headline about that sweet little innocent child...... that sadness is a real sadness.. a driving force that makes things change for the better. An angry sadness.. not a nothing sadness. That is what is real. Not those illusions in weak moments.. the knowledge that I am a force which can change both my circumstances and the circumstances around me. If I could just stop focusing on what I can't do.. and start adressing and acknowledging the very real parts of me which are capable.. and even beyond capable. Strength comes in all forms. Both gentle and meek.. and bold.
You Can be what you do... but don't let what you do define the all of you that you are. You there~~~~ yes you... with your arms so tightly around that part within us all that feels comfort in sadness.... uh-huh.. you. I'm talking to you. Go away. Come back the next time we do something a little stupid. But leave just as quickly as it takes for us to say "Ooops.. mistakes happen. I am only human after all."
We'll shake you off, like the dusty brittle cobweb you are, and do a little dance on you. BYE!IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 4218
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted October 04, 2004 10:52 PM
By the way.. the things that bring us the most pain are the things that can bring us the most joy.
You don't like the greedy part of your job? Write a new resume. Have a new focus. Make the changes that will make the life you live comfortable for you. More than comfortable.. joyous. You have recognized the holes. Now put some whole into the plans. Lament for now. It is healthy and only by shining some light on the shadows do they lose their power. You have to see them. Let their memory urge you forward positively, and let that memory fade as you reach further beyond their impulse and control. Turn the dark tangled clutching weeds into rubber bands that snap away and crumble as you go forward. You remember their sharp pinching, and it urges you on beyond their grasp. It feels so much better to take postive steps once the negative footprints have been recognized. Without negativity, what would you know about it's opposite? 
Good luck to you and have some faith in yourself. Keep believing, I know your heart is in a good place.
What are your signs, sweets?
*No convoluted mysticism here, I am as sraight forward as you get.:smooches to both your good and bad parts: *one for healing, the other for appreciation*IP: Logged |
iAmThat
Knowflake Posts: 156
From: Edison, NJ, USA
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted October 04, 2004 11:29 PM
Hi PixelPixie, You are right. I should really find a new Job. The thing is in America they only allow you one week vacation or tops 2 week at one stretch. This is so unlike in Europe or other asian countries. May be I should start freelancing and be my own boss  IP: Logged |
iAmThat
Knowflake Posts: 156
From: Edison, NJ, USA
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted October 04, 2004 11:52 PM
Hi Pixel pixie, In response to " looked at the clouds and the red rim of dusk just peeking though them, and I swear it was God telling me with warmth that it would all be okay. That bird trusting me as I fed it crumbs" I did see a bird, a seagull on a beach, once while being in one of those moods. I could not feed her as I didn't have anything with me. I asked her "Hello bird, we are all connected, do you feel connected to me and to the one. Do you really enjoy the creation? Did you ever wish to be not created at all by the creator? Which mother abandons a child no matter how bad it is. Unless she is cursed herself. And the merciful creator where is she? Are blessed those who are not created in this drama of creation? In other words, is Nothingness blessed? The bird only looked innocently at me all the time."
IP: Logged |
Ra
Moderator Posts: 3130
From:
Registered: Apr 2001
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posted October 05, 2004 04:36 AM
Ms. Pixie, you are awesome.  IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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