posted December 05, 2004 11:01 AM         

I hate to burden you with another dream. I feel that I taketaketake from you and have little to offer you in return. Perhaps some day there will be something I can do for you.

I was interested, when you have the time, in your take on a dream I had last night, though I only remember a few specific parts. But a bit of background first, if you don't mind the personal nature of it. I recently went off The Pill. Wasn't having any specific trouble, just the long-knowing that the hormones weren't good for my body. It's simply convenient to take the pill.
Have been looking for more natural birth control, like Neem, though none seem very reliable. Now, as I posted elsewhere, I have always pretty much known that I would not bear a child in this life, nor has it been a desire. Rather, if it came to it, I would prefer to adopt a child, and since very young have said I would prefer the child to be from a Third World country. Whether that will ever happen is unknown, and would take an extreme turn in finances. I also have a relatively barren horoscope, with moon in Cappy, and a 5th house loaded with all three of my Cappy planets, including Saturn. While all my parts work well, it may be that I am barren, and I have certainly moved past the most fertile years of my life.

Now that you know my biological history (!), here's the dream:

That I was operated on, and had my ovaries removed. I don't recall the specific condition, but they were diagnosed as being sick or wrong or unhealthy in some way. Even within the bounds of the dream I was shocked that I allowed this, as in my waking life there is No Way I would submit to having my ovaries removed, at least not without exhausting every conceivable alternative. In the dream I was in pain (though not debilitating pain), and missed some work, which was also troubling. The people around me were supportive but distant.

A bit later in the dream, I was in the presence of...well, it was a man, but he was also a 'devil' of sorts. He thought of himself in that way, and he was powerful. I wasn't afraid of him; in fact, in some way, I felt defiant of him. He gave me a gift. He gave me what looked like a large restaurant menu, the sort that is like a plastic business notebook holder. I opened it and inside was the gift. A necklace chain of some sort, which I ignored and couldn't see clearly. And four diamond-encrusted beads, two pink, two pale blue. The beads were almost ovary-shaped, I suppose, with holes on the sides where they would slide onto a chain. The diamonds encircled these holes. The beads were really quite beautiful. Now, he called the pink and blue beads themselves diamonds, the most priceless on earth. These beads were very shiny, but they were not jewels. Perhaps they looked a little more like pink or blue mother-of-pearl, though that's not quite right. They had a sort of satin finish. I don't know why he gave them to me. I also recall wondering how they could be placed on a chain for wear, while allowing the diamonds to be displayed and protected (not rubbing against each other).

That's about it. So. Whatcha think? On waking I thought, oh good, I don't really have to worry too much about getting pregnant, my ovaries are gone. But then I began to wonder...which is why I posted here, for other opinions.

Thank you, dear Ra , and anyone else who might care to share insight.

posted December 07, 2004 04:03 AM         

Now, the second part is less straight-forward. There are obvious symbols pertaining to the situation, but I am unsure about the 'devil' man.

What made him a "devil of sorts"?

Why was he lying to you about the beads?

Does he represent deceit? Temptation? Mistrust?

I am trying to figure out the motivating nature of the gift and why a 'devil' guy would give it to you ... what was he trying to do or accomplish by presenting you with the gift?

Any thoughts Trillian? Can you tell me more about him?

posted December 07, 2004 12:19 PM         

Now let's see...The man's face was unclear, but I sensed him to be handsome in a bland way. His essence was somewhere between the polarities of Al Pacino (too cocky) and Keanu Reeves (too insecure) in "Devil's Advocate."

He was wearing a very nice, expensive business suit. I think he even introduced himself as Satan. There were other, lesser men behind him, who were very unclear. While I perceived him to be powerful, I didn't see him as Satan incarnate. I was not afraid of him or his gift.

I can't pinpoint something specific that made him a 'devil of sorts,' except to say that's how he saw himself, and generally how he was regarded. Does he represent my general annoyance of the power issues between men and women? Maybe. I'm just not sure about that.

He wasn't exactly lying about the diamonds. Rather, it was more like the 'diamonds' were so very rare, so precious, priceless and so unique, that their likes had rarely been seen before. The 'diamonds' may have been something that few receive. It was as though few of us are even aware they exist. They were a huge gift. Why they were given to me, I don't know. But they were beautiful. I can still see them very clearly. There was no negativity surrounding the 'diamonds.'

I did like them. I wanted them, and wanted to wear them when I figured out how to place them on the chain for proper display and safety. I did not feel there were consequences to taking them.

Has this muddied the water further?

Thank you again for your thoughts, Ra.

Pixie...leave the ovaries at home.

posted December 07, 2004 01:20 PM         

Once I received the gift, he ceased to be important to the dream...if I recall correctly.

posted December 10, 2004 12:54 AM         

Until then, does anyone else have an idea or thought?

posted December 10, 2004 06:14 AM         

First my disclaimer: I am not psychic. I am not well schooled in meta-physics. I only know the basics in astrology. I wasn't even sure if I should respond to this, but something is nagging me to do it, so here goes.

First thing I notice is the operation. You mention the physical pain, the dislike of missing work, and the almost "unfair" quality of the operation itself, as if you were tricked into it or unaware. But one thing you don't mention: what this operation will accomplish-the removal of your ability to have children. There is no emotion attached to that. (I realize you said earlier that you have no desire for children.)

Next the "gift." You are handed a choice (as Ra said) by a man you don't seem to trust or appreciate. He gives you a gift, pink and blue "diamonds" (pink and blue just screams nursery and babies to me). He calls them the most precious jewels on Earth. You say, they don't look like jewels to you, but you still want them, and they are beautiful. (funny how you described them as "mother" of pearl...coincidence?) And diamonds...aren't those the gem of Cappies? Icy, strong, hardest substance on Earth. From what you mentioned, you have some strong Capricorn influences in your chart.

Okay, now the man. It really depends on what Satan means to you, but I don't think you think this man is inherent evil. You just don't expect him around, and you don't really trust him. He believes himself to have power. But he has chosen you to give this rare and precious gift to, without reason, it would seem. He is giving you back your desire to have children, since you have forever lost hope for it since the operation. If he gives you this desire back, he can fulfill it.

Now before you think I've lost my senses, I actually DO have a point:

In Feng Shui, the area for children is also the area for...creativity. What is a bigger act of being creative than giving birth? Someone mentioned that you are a writer, me too (well, kinda) Have you had no desire to write lately? Having any blocks? Having trouble producing a final product? Lost your passion? Maybe the old ways (ovaries) aren't working anymore to give you what you want. This man, whatever or whoever he represents, is giving you the most precious gift, your desire to create. You've gone off the pill for no real reason (I'm sure you knew the health risks before.) Maybe you're ready to try a new way of doing things.

People who are parents often say how the most precious thing in their lives is their children. I know anything I produce artistically feels like my "baby." I protected it, nurtured it until it was ready for the world.

Now go back through the dream and apply what I've said. Does it make sense? Lawd, I hope so...just a little at least.

posted December 10, 2004 07:52 PM         

Pixie, you know how much I dig you and your vibe.

Kat Smeow Thank you for thinking of me, and for taking the time and effort to share your intuitions about my dream. I think your take on it is headed in the right direction. I'm not sure what the birthstone for Cappy is, but diamonds belong to Aries. I am an Aries Sun, Mercury and Venus. That hadn't even occurred to me.

No, I don't mourn not having children born of my body. And I am an unpublished (read: failed) writer. I wrote my first novel over the past two years, though I have as yet been unsuccessful in finding a publisher. In the last week or so I had an epiphany about the subject of the 2nd, which I plan to begin writing in earnest after Mercury goes direct, and most likely after the new year begins. Quite a bit of the plot lines have been clear to me, though I am not sure my writing style will enable me to write it as well as I think the idea deserves to be written.

But I digress.

You may in fact be right. While my first novel has not been fruitful(at least as far as finding a publisher, which has indeed been painful)...perhaps I maintain hope that the second might be my 'gem.' The subject matter of it is not pretty...and will be directly linked to an ugly side of some men. There will be some redemption for the female protaganists, but it too will be somewhat...questionable. But perhaps the male energy is represented by...a 'satan.'

You have given me much food for thought. I think you have intuited some very important points, and I thank you.

posted December 12, 2004 12:30 PM         

You have made some good points ... thank you very much.

Trillian, didn't you have a dream not long ago that we thought may be about your writing/books?

**I'm feeling about the same so far, but it's not too bad ... I'll get back to your dream soon**

posted December 12, 2004 09:06 PM         

Yes, you have an excellent memory! Months ago I had a dream that indicated success for my book, and included an image of what you perceived to be the Black Madonna. I have not given up hope or determination...but it's daunting sometimes.

posted December 14, 2004 04:27 AM         

Oh, just out of curiosity, what colour are/were your birth control pills?

posted December 15, 2004 02:05 PM         

Unfortunately, I don't have time to type out my thoughts at the moment, but I'll do so late tonight.

posted December 16, 2004 04:38 AM         

If I am correct, the 'devil' man represents doubt, self doubt, about a choice that you have made (menu). ** He actually represents a bit more, as I'll mention later ** Your defiant feelings are an indication of both conflict and resolve concerning the issue or choice. But somehow, the choice you have made about the pill is going to transmute your internal capacity for creation (ovaries), the energy of it, into a more powerful outer expression (precious beads). I get a flurry of impressions concerning the hows/whys of this process ... it is biochemical, mental, and even spiritual in nature ... these are connected or intertwined in some way. So, the way I am seeing it, your inner creative ability (ovaries) is made manifest as an expression of outer creativity (beads) ... a precious, rare, valuable "gift" - writing. It is not as if you did not have this gift before, it is that now it is more ... more powerful, more beautiful, and more balanced (two pink, two pale blue), because of your choice. Does that make sense? I know ... your writing is better or will be better because you chose to go off the pill? Sounds odd, but that's what I am getting.

Much of this dream seems to be about becoming. You are in the process of figuring out how to "put your ducks in a row" (to borrow from a previous dream), or how to align the components of your precious abilities and creations in a suiting manner (wondering how to display beads, how to align them).

While the pink and pale blue beads can represent balance, they also suggest development, as these colours are related to infancy and immaturity.

-------- pause here ... my little one is sick and I just had to go and care for him, so now I have run out of time. I'll post the remainder when I get a chance.

Sorry to end so abruptly!

posted December 16, 2004 11:30 AM         

You and your wee one are in my prayers. I hope today is healthier for you both.

posted December 16, 2004 03:52 PM         

You're right, I'm not finished ... tonight I should be able to.

posted December 17, 2004 04:35 AM         

Alright, as I was saying ...

While the pink and pale blue beads can represent balance, they also suggest development, as these colours are related to infancy and immaturity. And the necklace suggests the same ... it is related to the throat chakra which governs creative expression ... in the dream you couldn't see the necklace clearly because this creative expression is not yet fully formed. You are not a "failed" writer, and you are not becoming a writer ... you are a writer, becoming.

That is the gist of my thoughts, although some of the symbols have more depth/meaning to them than I have been able to relate, such as 'Satan'. When I say he represents self doubt, this is a simplification, and only part of what I see, as he also connects with other aspects of your psyche and your thoughts. He is a projection of your inner male antagonist which is also associated with the outer world, with the male-dominated aspects of society's institutions - medicine, government, workplace, whatever you are dealing with (medical, publishing?) - and issues of trust/mistrust concerning these. So you see, this 'Satan' guy is a complex fellow.

And the beads ... there is much more to them than what I mentioned. There are four of them, suggesting basic pattern, foundation, psychological growth. But the four are made up of two pair which suggests the movement of unconscious material into awareness, conflict, duality (inner/outer, masc./fem., etc), balance, and many other possibilities, all of which seem to fit into this dream puzzle in varying ways. I feel as if I could write endlessly about the various levels of connections between four, two pair, precious beads, diamonds, the colours, etc ... but I only have so much time!

Okay, so what do you think? What fits, and what doesn't?

posted December 17, 2004 10:07 AM         

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better, and I'll continue to send healing vibes to Jake.

Well Ra, as I said, you astound me. As I've read your thoughts and intuitions, it is clear to me what a talent you have. Because they have resonated deeply for me.

quote:

---

you are a writer, becoming

---

This brought a lot of emotion welling in my heart and a tear to my eye. It's one of my deepest desires.

quote:

---

He is a projection of your inner male antagonist which is also associated with the outer world

---

You just don't know how right on target that statement is, literally. Because at the heart of this new book, there lies both a general and specific male antagonist, which could quite rightly be represented by 'Satan.' This never occurred to me, Ra. Also central to the book is the exchange of power, between the Male and the Female.

Yes, Satan does represent my self-doubts. As I said, I have even doubted my ability to write this book as well as I think it should be written. His representation is indeed complex.

quote:

---

your writing is better or will be better because you chose to go off the pill? Sounds odd, but that's what I am getting

---

You may indeed be correct. I will need to work differently on this book...and perhaps the process of writing the first one has and will make me a better writer.

But your interpretation is wonderful.

I will think on your words and share my thoughts with you after I've digested a bit.

Thank you Ra. Many blessings to you and yours. I hope the Universe does something wonderful for you in return.

posted December 17, 2004 02:24 PM         

You are a writer, becoming.

Your reaction to those words brings a tear to my eye, and I am thankful to the Universe for providing this thought. When something resonates so deeply, I know my work has purpose ... thank you.