posted January 05, 2005 05:52 PM         

Okay my dream is coming next, but let me give you some of the shameful details that relate to it... Well after behaving like an angel the past year I've been with my boyfriend, I did something terrible to him a few days ago. I let myself get to drunk at my best friend's college and put myself in a vulnerable position with a guy who liked me. Needless to say I let him get to far, but stopped before anything major happened. Well being the so called spiritual person that I am I wanted to at least try to do the right thing and tell him about it, against the advice of all my friends. So I told him everything and now he's trying to decide what to do..he had always said the first time I cheated it would be over..so it doesn't look good for me.

I dreamt last night about little girls doing grown up, party girl things. I dreamt that I saw my moms best friend at a party (and that is the last place you would ever spot this church going, soccer mom woman) without her three kids. I asked her where her 12 year old daughter was (my pretend little sister) and she said she was drunk!
Then in another scene, I saw this baby left on the floor at a party while her older sisters and father left her to dance, so I went over to her and tried to take care of her. When I picked her up to comfort her while she was crying, she suddenly turned mad and tried to bite me! Then I brought her to her father who didn't seem to mind she was alone. Then it was so strange I had a flash of that baby being a young teenage girl who was dancing very provocatively and was told she went clubbing all the time. Her father didn't seem disturbed by this at all.
Then another scene was about me at my friends house in the kitchen with her parents. When all of a sudden her dad started yelling at me like I was a bad influence on his daughter and that I had to get my act together. I then defended myself to him and and he apologized and said maybe it was because he had drank to much beer. ( And I'm always known as the innocent, truthful girl to my friends parents and my friends)

So obviously, the theme last night was "innocent" little girls behaving in not so innocent ways. I know this relates to my guilt and that knowing that now my boyfriend will have a hard time seeing me as his angel. The ironic thing is, I was always worried about him cheating and lecturing on the fact that I wanted our sex to be sacred. What a hypocrite I look like. Ahhhh this sucks! Aside from this obvious guilt I'm going through, does anyone have any other thoughts about my dreams and what they mean.

Thanks in advance for listening to me and for any advice you have I really hope you don't think I'm a horrible person. I know in my heart it won't happen again, but everyone only sees my actions

posted January 06, 2005 03:34 AM         

You are human, you made a mistake, and you did the right thing. But you know that, it is not a real choice for you. Your dream totally reflects the massive guilt and hypocrisy you are feeling ... do you think there is something else? Something more? I'll have a look as soon as I can.

posted January 06, 2005 04:30 PM         

I don't know what else my dream could mean, but I'm glad you verified that it reflected my guilt and hypocrisy. The only other thing I wonder about is that there were two dads in my dream and I never dream about dads. I think this may relate to my own life because I grew up without a real father figure and have made some not so wise decisions with guys because I was very naive. I've always felt looking back that it was because I didn't have a father to teach me about guys. In my dream, the father of that baby just abandoned her to have fun and didn't stop her from making bad decisions when she was a young girl, much like my life. Do you think this makes any sense or is that a stretch?

Thank you sooooooo much Ra, I'm grateful to you for taking the time to listen to everyone's dreams and putting so much thought into them. You are really putting your gift to good use