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Author Topic:   Not Quite a Dream Interpretation...
proxieme
Knowflake

Posts: 4396
From: Southern 'Bama
Registered: Aug 2002

posted February 04, 2005 10:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for proxieme     Edit/Delete Message
Some background:

Sometimes I seem to "just know" stuff.
I'm not psychic or anything - this is much too mundane and personal.

For instance, when I had just turned 17 I left my Mom's on foot loaded down with gear in mid-March to walk the 30 miles or so of winding, country roads to my Dad's. As I set out, I felt peaceful and knew that at some point a police officer would pick me up and drive me the rest of the way.
About 17 miles later, in the dead of night, just that happened.

When my very first boyfriend and I broke up (I was 16), in the middle of an anguished, teenage crying fit, I looked up and said to him, "It will be all right - I won't date again until I'm 21, but I won't want to until then. When I do, I'll lose my virginity to that person; then there'll be another affair of less consequence; then the next man that I sleep with I'll marry."
And just that happened - it may have just been self-fulfilling prophesy, though I had honestly forgotten about it until shortly before our marriage date.

My husband had something similar - again, you may say that this is simply "remembering after the fact" (and it very well may be) - but he's convinced of its authenticity. He had been engaged to marry someone else before me. One night he had a dream of a wedding. He was waiting at the alter and the bride was walking down the aisle, veiled. She got to the end, pulled up her veil, and he saw that it wasn't his fiance; it wasn't anyone that he knew at all. But when he saw the face he swelled with happiness and joy.
Shortly afterwards, he broke the engagement.
Later (about the same time I remembered my little "knowing" thing but had not yet told him) he told me about it. He said, "When I first saw you, I knew that I had seen you some place else. I just remembered where - in this dream..." and he said that I had been the bride.

But now the crux of the matter:
When I first got deeply involved with my husband (I say that like it spanned some length of time - it didn't; we went from met to married over the course of a summer and early fall), the same feeling came over me. I thought with clarity, "He will die in war; we will have two children. One girl and one boy." Because I could not tell if I would give birth to the boy before or after he shipped out, I doubted this, and still do to some extent. My doubts were reenforced when my husband got eliminated from helicopter flight training.

Yesterday, though, we found out that there's now a good chance that he'll get back in with the help of his new XO (Executive Officer).
I said, "That's great, honey! If that's what you want...that is, isn't it?"
"Yeah...well...it's just...nevermind."
"What?"
"Well, when I was a teenager and was going through those depression and anxiety issues, I had a dream that I was flying a helicopter. I saw it from the point-of-view of the cockpit. I was doing some maneuvers, looking out towards the front. I saw that it was a desert terrain. And then I saw something just coming at me,"
and he made a motion of something flying in towards his face,
"and hitting, and then just - boom,"
and he made the noise of an impact and explosion.
"It was a dream, but I remember it more clearly than a dream. It's very clear, not like all jumbled up like dreams usually get after a while."
He was very somber after telling me about this.

What are ya'll's thoughts?

I cried last night when going to bed.
A deep part of me feels that he will get back into flight school, make it through, get deployed, and die. It doesn't feel like what may be, but rather what is.
I feel hollow when I think about it, but that it is simply the way of things.

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LovelyLibraLady
Knowflake

Posts: 59
From: Gotham City
Registered: Jan 2005

posted February 04, 2005 04:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LovelyLibraLady     Edit/Delete Message
You're just frightened, and I can see why. But you do seem to have good intuition.

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Ra
Moderator

Posts: 3692
From:
Registered: Apr 2001

posted February 05, 2005 02:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ra     Edit/Delete Message
Must he do it?

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 6409
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted February 05, 2005 03:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Oh proxie.
I echo Ra.. must he do it?
That is the thing with prophetic feelings/intuitions/dreams/....... are they there to teach you what could have been, or what could be without foreknowledge?
Will you take this precognition and use it for the better of all? Your children, your life, your love?
Or will you take it and let it settle and say to yourself in a soothing voice.."Well, I knew it would happen, there is comfort in that."
You are such a special person, it emits from the very core of you.. you and your family are meant for great things. Please listen to this.

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LovelyLibraLady
Knowflake

Posts: 59
From: Gotham City
Registered: Jan 2005

posted February 05, 2005 10:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LovelyLibraLady     Edit/Delete Message
Yeah, he should take a hint!

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26taurus
Moderator

Posts: 5445
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004

posted February 05, 2005 10:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Prox, honestly I was thinking the same thing. Does he have to go?

.....My intuition is telling me to tell you to listen to your intuition.

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Ra
Moderator

Posts: 3692
From:
Registered: Apr 2001

posted February 07, 2005 12:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ra     Edit/Delete Message
Listening is not enough. There must be action.

Why does he feel compelled to take this training? And why are you resigned to let him?

I know this is very difficult emotionally, but if you and he really talked about it and discussed your feelings, could things be different?

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26taurus
Moderator

Posts: 5445
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004

posted February 07, 2005 05:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Exactly what I meant Ra. To take some action on this, maybe figure out what the other options are. Intuition is a gift and there for a reason. The more you listen to it the louder it becomes. And with that it brings more, and sometimes harder, choices.

Any thoughts prox?

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Ra
Moderator

Posts: 3692
From:
Registered: Apr 2001

posted February 08, 2005 04:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ra     Edit/Delete Message
I suppose it is easy for us to throw possibilities and advice around. It is more than likely a whole different dynamic as it is operating in prox's life ... easier said than done, is what I'm trying to say. And she is obviously already feeling strong emotions.

Thinking about you proxieme.

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26taurus
Moderator

Posts: 5445
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004

posted February 08, 2005 06:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
My thoughts exactly!

Sending Love proxime

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proxieme
Knowflake

Posts: 4396
From: Southern 'Bama
Registered: Aug 2002

posted February 08, 2005 09:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for proxieme     Edit/Delete Message
Hey ya'll -

I apologize that it's taken me so long to respond. I keep coming back to this thread and saying, "OK, I'll write...later..." and never do.

It's funny (not funny "ha ha").
There have been times in my life when I've known that something would end horribly, denied that, and then watched it go to crap anyway. Again, there's always the possibility that I made the situation(s) play out that way through subconscious action, but still.
I did some tarot and rune readings for my going to JMU before I left for my first semester. No lie, each said something to the effect of, "Failure, Depression, Stagnation".
I got clinically depressed during my first semester - I liked my classes well enough, it just wasn't the place for me. Despite that, I came back the second semester vowing to do better...and spiralled back down. I ended the year by flaking out before finals and going to Oregon for a couple of weeks. After all that, my professors still said that they'd overlook that and let me take the tests and/or write any papers that needed to be done and turn them in late. I said, "No thanks - I think I just better go."
I've stopped doing readings for myself.


I've brought up my thoughts and feelings on the matter to Jase, and last night once more. Even upon saying, "But what about your dream?"
"I think no matter what job I end up in, I'm going to Iraq."
"No, I'm not quitting the Army."
"I love you."
Were all the response I got - unusually reticent for a 3rd House Sun.

All I can keep doing is looking for possible "outs" to the situation, I suppose.
If the situation does keep unfolding as it may...I can keep hoping for it to veer off in a different direction...or keep breaking his ankles so he can't stay in the military

What if it does go as I fear, though?
I mean, exactly as I fear?
At least there's the horrible knowing.
I'll know, though, when so many others won't.
You never know when one will leave this life; I may know when my husband will.
God, I hope that I don't.
But, if I do, at least I won't take him for granted.

Heh, wouldn't it be funny if that's what all this is for?
I mean, wouldn't it be funny if he didn't go, or did go and came back unscathed, and all of this was just so that we both could really see what we now have.

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proxieme
Knowflake

Posts: 4396
From: Southern 'Bama
Registered: Aug 2002

posted February 08, 2005 09:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for proxieme     Edit/Delete Message
pixelp, 26t, Ra - Thank you

LLL - I hope that you're right

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26taurus
Moderator

Posts: 5445
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004

posted February 09, 2005 01:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
I really admire you proxime. You are so intelligent and such a loving wife and mother. Just wanted to tell you that.
It's all going to be okay.

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pixelpixie
Moderator

Posts: 6409
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted February 09, 2005 01:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message

Well.. if we are going there.. let me join this bandwagon.. I have loved you since reading your very first post. you rock rock rock.

*you too, 26*

&you too, Ra

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26taurus
Moderator

Posts: 5445
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004

posted February 09, 2005 02:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Oh good God YES! Oops. I didnt mean to leave anyone out. I dont know if you realize how much I adore you pix. Truly. You are a witty, bright, gorgeous, strong woman. And a brillant poet, artist, loving wife, mother, friend to me......I really could go on and on (I know that isnt what you wanted but I'm telling you anyway. So there. ). Since I went there for one, I might as well go there for you too. Why not? Because really, you rock,rock,rock yourself my love!!

You too Ra.

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Eleanore
Moderator

Posts: 908
From: North Carolina
Registered: Aug 2003

posted February 09, 2005 01:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Eleanore     Edit/Delete Message
proxieme
I know how difficult it can be to deal with "feelings" and "premonitions", especially when you're married to someone in the military. For example, about September of last year my husband was asked if he wanted to volunteer for a deployment to the middle east. People were going to be chosen anyway and he figured that since he was one of the few guys there without kids he might as well sign up. As soon as he told me I got an awful sinking feeling. I mentioned it to him but he just kept telling me he'd be safe (Air Force, not a pilot, etc.) and not to worry, yada yada. But that's not what worried me. When he told me there were two deployments he could choose from, one in January and one in May, I begged him, I mean, literally begged him to sign up for the first one. He didn't listen to me. He thought I was being irrational. He also figured that since he'd be going TDY in October for 5 weeks that it would be awful to leave again in January for four months. And still, back in September I kept feeling like he was making the wrong choice. Sure enough, we find out I'm pregnant. We also find out I'm due June/July ... and he'll probably be deployed from May to September. Too late to back out now, of course. And now he says he should've listened to me. It's hit him really hard; the chance of missing his first child be born is tearing him up. Me, too.
I suggest you find any way you can to let your hubby know that your feelings aren't just "silly girly feelings", that it's different. But, in the end, he'll make the choice he wants to make and you'll both have to make the best of it. I honestly don't think most military guys believe that they could get hurt or die out there. They just don't allow for that possibility in their heads, so it's really hard for anyone to make an impression on them about it. I would suggest making it clear that he's right, he'll end up in Iraq anyway ... so why be so intent on helicopters? Make sure he knows you're not just upset about the deployment. Ask him to compromise even if it's just about helicopters. Tiny changes can make a difference, I think.
Just hang on to your faith. It'll be allright in the end. It always is.

------------------
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Ghandi

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