posted February 14, 2005 01:01 PM         

I remember being scared and very intimidated. We were sitting around a very long table... I couldnīt see the extremes. I was in front of him and he was piercing me with that morbid stare... I tried to avoid him... But then I was made to sit down with him... I couldnīt refuse even when I felt terrified...

He held me tight, squeezing me... It was dirty and sick, bordering madness... I could feel his heart racing, his breath, with that unhealthy desire... I felt invaded, somehow repulsed... but at the same time flattered because I knew how badly he wanted me... But I was sure of not wanting him close, of not corresponding to his desire... I was rigid, with mute impotency, looking around for help, for someone to realise what was going on... People was chatting up happily around us, ignoring or unaware of everything...

Then that image faded away... And I was in a forest, a forest with wiry and tall trees... It must have been autumn because the ground was covered with a thick layer of fallen leaves... It wasnīt cold but the air was heavy and grey... I was running, terrified, fleeing from him...He was chasing me, like a hungry animal... There was that wild expression in his eyes, that sickening look... He was faster than me... But desperation pushed me to the limit and kept the pursuit going... I remember the anguish of seeing him getting closer... because eventually he caught me and fell over me...

He pinned me down. I struggled with him trying to resist him touching me... I knew if I kept resisting he would rape me... He didnīt want to hurt me but he desired me so much that he would do it, he was blinded, sick with obsession, like a wild beast... Then I heard something, someone... He was touching me, undoing his trousers... I forced myself to relax and said: “Arenīt you going to kiss me?” with a sweet voice... and then he stopped and looked at me with surprise... For a split second, I thought there was tenderness in his eyes, while he approached slowly to kiss my lips...

But then, unexpectedly I pushed him... I caught him off his guard so I managed to escape from him... I ran away, shouting for help, towards that man in the distance... I got there before him... He was holding a spear... There was a circle of women sitting on the ground... They looked red indians... It was pretty obvious the other man chasing me was trying to hurt me... My hair was a mess with dead leaves on, my dress was torn... He signaled me to sit down with the women and I did...

posted February 15, 2005 05:03 AM         

If you know this man from your past, it could mean that this man has thought of raping you in the past. He wants to have control over you.

posted February 15, 2005 08:21 AM         

Actually, Yang, I am going through a stage where Iīm not getting much sex... I splitted up with my boyfriend 3 months ago and now Iīm trying to put myself together and order my thoughts... You may have a point there...

This man I know who I thought it was the one in the dream could have wanted to have me... He did wanted me badly but I didnīt correspond... He tried for a couple of years and then we lost contact... I always thought he was a bit psyco, a bit strange... I resemble bizarrely to his sister, so much that his own mother mistook me for her after quickly seeing me across the corridor...

What worries me as well is the possibility of having had a glimpse of a past life... I keep having this dreams that feel like real events... The party with period costumes, the red indians, the forest... It could have been Colonial America... If you have a look to this link http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum15/HTML/000807.html
you will see what I mean... I have dreamed with a blue-eyed wavy blond haired man before as my Twin Soul, but his eyes where different... My feelings for him were radically opposite... But maybe something very wrong happened in the past and there are karmic implications... I did trick him and got him dead...

posted February 15, 2005 02:41 PM         

I'm having a look at it. So far, it looks like it could be some combination of what you and Yang have said.

posted February 20, 2005 10:50 AM         

There still exists an intense anxiety (being chased/almost raped) about this situation, but it is either secret, or it resides within your unconscious (forest).

If we continue to look at this symbolically, as opposed to a possible past-life memory (could be both), the man with the spear could represent authority or power, possibly in a spiritual sense, and the circle of women could symbolize change, development, a cycle, or maybe a secret or other unconscious energy which is being made whole or aware or is otherwise developing. Because they are Native Americans, as a whole they could represent unconscious knowledge (I suppose literally if this a past-life memory), and therefore, perhaps, unconscious knowledge of a secret/cyclical/developing nature with possible spiritual connotations/implications ... sounds very much like karmic energies, doesn't it?

But is this a continuing karmic energy, or has it been in some way ended (he is killed)? Symbolically, an ending could be indicated ... Spiritual authority (Indian with spear) guiding you into the 'magical' safety of the sacred circle (to complete the circle/cycle?) and killing/ending the energy that pursues you ... ? Could be.

What do you think?

Thank you for sharing your dream, steelrose ... very interesting.

posted February 22, 2005 08:18 AM         

And yes, I just came out from an abusive relationship with a “love vampire”... He left me a year ago but we were on and off for the last year... I couldnīt leave him, no matter how selfish he was, how neglected I felt... No matter how many times he said he didnīt believe in a future for us... I just wanted out but I couldnīt escape... I was on my own in a foreign country, I only had him...

I knew he wasnīt good for me, I even knew I didnīt love him... I hated him as much as I needed him close... I used to feel dirty and used but I couldnīt escape... He was like a powerful magnet, like a very addictive drug...

Then after a year long torture, circumstances pushed me out... And even feeling that I would die without him, I pushed to get out... And I came back to my own country... It has been three months now. The first month was excruciating but distance helped... and something has changed within recently, very deep down, in the subconcious level... Maybe thatīs why I had this dream...

My previous love interest was also a cruel creature... I was still entangled with him, thinking he was my Twin and the pain he inflicted me was only due to karma, something I owed... But now itīs different... I woke up. Iīm free. Iīm not trapped anymore. Iīm not his victim nor my ex-boyfriendīs.

The same as I felt safe in that circle of women, protected by that man with the spear, I feel safe now. They canīt reach me now. Something higher and stronger protects me. I found the wise and protective, the compassionate and strong man with the spear in the middle of that forest where I was vulnerable, alone, chased, terrified, haunted and lost.