posted November 05, 2005 02:13 PM         

I went into the city with a couple friends. It was daytime. I was dressed up very goth just because I was in the mood that day. We came upon a Tower Records and we were looking in the windows. They didn't really have that many cd's on display but they did have Halloween masks, clothes, make up, etc. I wasn't going to go in until I saw they had the little clips with the attached coloured hair. I have wanted some of those for a long time and I haven't been able to find them. They clip in under your regular hair so it looks like you have a bright strip of hair that is red or purple or what have you.

"oop! Looks like I have to go in!" I said. So I did and started looking around. It was quite dark in there and I didn't know how anyone could find anything. As I was looking I saw there was a stairway leading into the basement and really loud bassy music was pounding from that direction. My friend told me to come on down because it was a nightclub.

I went on down even though it was the middle of the day and it was full of goths dancing around like the often do. My friend introduced me to the girl that was one of the more popular goths in town. She pretended to be happy to meet me at first but she turned quickly.

"I saw you the other day," she said, "You weren't dressed like this. You were bright like a popsicle and completely different. WHY?"

"Because that's what I wanted to wear that day," I said simply. She had expected me to lie about it and she was surprised by my answer.

"WHY?" she said.

"Because I'm not one dimensional and I wear what I want - not what other people want me to."

She didn't like my answer and she was becoming more threatening and started to push me along with a couple of her goth friends. She started calling me a fake and saying I wasn't welcome, etc. She reached my limit finally and I grabbed her and shoved her against a wall and I was speaking very loudly so that everyone was watching us. It was a long speech but I remember bits and pieces.

"I wear what I WANT and NOT what you or any of these other sheep tell me to wear! You think you are so special down here - you think you are so different and so original when so many others have done it first. You come along and pretend it's your own and then all dress alike... you exclude people that don't look like you or who aren't 'cool' enough to be seen with you. You discriminate against people that aren't wearing the proper attire or that aren't perfectly pretty thin goths all the while saying you hate the system and you hate the 'normal' people for those very same crimes. You are exactly the same as they are. The same b <~~~ *insert french word here that I don't know how to spell that refers to the middleclass.* mentality."

I slapped her a couple times and then walked to the bar to get a drink. She left me alone. Everyone was staring at me but I was quite pleased with myself. A really tall guy came up to me - tall and overweight and all dressed in grey. I hadn't seen him before because he had been in the shadows. He shook my hand and said, "Nice to finally meet you. Now you have to meet HIM."

"Him who?"

"HIM."

"Well... alright then."

So I followed the large guy to the back of the club where there was a red velvet couch with a few people sprawled out on it.

"He doesn't just meet anyone, you know," the big guy was saying, "But he liked what you said."

He introduced me to the guy on the couch. He was thin to average build with wavy black hair down to his shoulders and very pale skin - all dressed in black, of course. Good looking in a somewhat off-beat way (like Val Kilmer - not that he looked like him because he didn't but you know he's good looking but not typically good looking). He asked me to sit next to him and I did and we talked about my speech a little and how I was right and that he'd been waiting for someone to come along and upset the system. I was only interested for a couple minutes and then he seemed to be droning on and on and I got bored. I told him I had to go which surprised all the girls around him and the big guy, too. There was some hero worship going on that I wasn't very interested in although I didn't think they were a bad lot of people. I just didn't think he was the savior they made him out to be.

I left....

But then I came back that night.

I hadn't gotten my hair clips and I wanted them. As soon as I walked in I could see the people that worked there were the same ones from the club that day. One of them was even the girl I had slapped. There were about 8 of them and they were following me around the store like they would jump me. I was seriously unconcerned. I found the hairclips and I found a couple I liked and I asked that they ring them up. THe girl behind the register said no and laughed at me saying I couldn't have anything in the store and that I'd be lucky if I left in one piece after the scene I caused earlier that day.

I said "Where is the owner of this store? Does he know you're acting like this towards a customer?"

She laughed again and told me that SHE was the owner.

Again, my limit had been reached. A showdown had started and I told them they were all incredibly foolish. As I was telling them this a couple other customers came in - they were blonde boys (I say boys but really they were probably 19 or so) with brocade blazers on. One in purple and one in blue. I acknowledged them but then returned to my berating of the people that worked there. I told them they were all going to die that night for being so stupid and closed minded. They laughed at me but then someone else came into the store.

He was tall, black, looked to be in his 40's, dressed very dapper. He had an air about him that made everyone shut up and take notice. He was a vampire and it was then in the dream that I knew that I was also - and he was my teacher.

"Why aren't they dead yet?" he said quietly.

I told him I was just getting around to that. All of the doors of the store closed of their own accord with a SLAM and it was then that the people inside began to freak out a bit. I didn't have pity for them, though, not for the ones that worked there. But I glanced at the blond boys and I told my teacher they had to leave.

"No." he said, "We can't have witnesses, they have seen too much."

I approached one of them - poor boy was terrified - and put my hand on his cheek and he found some comfort in it. My teacher could see how upset I was by the thought of the innocents dying and he said I could choose one to save. I picked the one I was touching but as I was preparing to leave with him my teacher threw the other one in my direction, too, which made me bursting with happiness. I stayed a couple more moments to help my teacher kill the goths. We did it with our minds mostly, though. We didnt' have to use physical force. One we strangled with our minds, another's brain exploded in her skull, another one was set on fire, etc. I left with the boys so my teacher could finish the job as the building began to burn and destroy all evidence.

I took the boys to an abandoned white house several blocks away so we could hide out while chaos ensued at the record store and fire trucks began to arrive.

I was talking to the blond boys and they were just in awe of me and I asked them what they did in their every day lives and they told me a little bit - one just started college and the other played football. I found them incredibly pretty so we proceeded to have a happy little naked threesome.

posted November 10, 2005 04:42 AM         

I'll get back to ya. By the way, it's good to see you.

posted November 10, 2005 09:52 AM         

I am not even touching the dream, as I'm sure Ra has a better take on it.
Other than to say has there been something in your waking life that you should have said, about someone putting you down....or something implied.. at work? A lot of superficial people judging?

Do you actually need those hairclips?
I have some where I work, email me and I'll send you some.
All colours, about two/three inches in width and about fourteen inches in length. On a clip. It looks really neat, peeking through your hair.
Seriously, let me know... Xmas is coming!
(I can save a few red ones for you)

posted November 12, 2005 08:51 PM         

***Other than to say has there been something in your waking life that you should have said, about someone putting you down....or something implied.. at work? A lot of superficial people judging?***

Well nothing at work that I know of. Elsewhere - sure - there are always superficial judging but that's just the way people are, I guess.

posted November 23, 2005 02:36 PM         

The whole mid-section of this dream reflects the conflict within you, and your desire to not have to pretend in waking life. You desire an end to the old, and what have become narrow, patterns of your past, and the dream seems to suggest that a change could be coming. But, as the last scene of the dream suggests, that depends upon the choices you make, whether or not you follow your heart, your intuition, your conscience, rescuing the "innocent", light part of yourself/your life.

The two blonde boys could represent two new possibilities from which you are considering to choose between, or to not choose at all perhaps. Or they could represent tthe duality of the choice you are considering. Either way, they are blonde because they represent what is right, what is good, and what is divine.

The dream seems to suggest that in making the choice, you could end up with the best of both worlds, perhaps a second chance at a new (white) life (house) or situation, some life path or issue/situation which you "abandoned" long ago. Perhaps this would be taking a big step towards completing self (threesome).

Does this make any sense?

posted November 29, 2005 12:37 AM         

And - I'd forgotten I'd been here this long. But then I can barely remember the time before I posted here (however sporatically). I love this place.

I love you, Ra

I love pixie!

I wonder what happened to some of the people that posted a lot back then. People that I would find so fascinating and then they just disappear. The internet is odd... but then I guess it's no different than offline. I wonder about so many offline people that have disappeared, too.

I have to say that SnowWhite's dreams take on a different meaning after seeing what happened. ha!

I used to post a lot of damned dreams. how did any of you tolerate it?

SO back on topic. I guess I am being sentimental.

Ra - you are fantastic as per usual. I don't know how you are so very brilliant I respect you so very very much. Your interpretation is brilliant, of course, and it makes sense. After I read it I just think "Well it was so obvious afterall!"

Where is my strength? *sighs* I don't know why I do this and trod on like this on and on and on. Fear fear fear. I know it's fear and I should be able to overcome it. I know I'm taking steps in the right direction and it's a start. I wish I'd just get over it. I know, I know, I should be manifesting or conquering my fears but some of them are actually quite concrete and not just fear of the unknown (the unknown I can deal with on a better level).

<3

posted November 29, 2005 03:52 AM         

I'm very glad you have stayed around for so long. I can't imagine a dream forum without YOU and your dreams, your life, your experience. You have added, single-handedly, a whole other dimension to the way I look at dreams, and at reality, and how they can and do relate. Not to mention helping me to learn so much in other ways. Thanks.

Of course many of your fears are quite concrete. I think I understand some of that. You are doing the best you can, so just keep on, I know it is difficult.

You're a great mom.