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Author
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Topic: nearly all my dreams are about my father's death
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Lemingtyne
Knowflake Posts: 178
From: U.S.
Registered: May 2005
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posted November 29, 2005 11:01 PM
 
Yesterday I was getting over being sick, I drank a lot of caffeine (which I usually avoid) and stayed up until 3 am getting all worked up and angry about something I was reading about how much control the government has over our lives and minds. I didn't want to stop reading it but finally I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, so I went to sleep and dreamed...
1. Groups were competing trying to find the solution to a problem. I don't remember what the problem was. I was part of the group that came up with the solution. I don't remember what the solution was either, exactly, but the way were able to find it was to re-create, which meant we had to layer things on top of one another, but vertically, and all the layers were about the same size, the earth, the grass, a sleeping man, a pink blanket, the starry sky - and looking at these layers and the way they fit together and the spaces between them, I felt that I was looking at something so meaningful and all the answers were there.
2. I was being questioned by a psychoanalyst and trying to keep secret that I had killed my father. I had killed him in the hallway of an administrative building in the university I went to. I did it by slicing his fingertips with something like a box-cutter. On one hand I wanted to tell the truth so I could get better, but on the other hand I didn't want to face the consequences of having killed someone. No one suspected that I had done it.
When I woke up I felt just as ambiguous as I did in the dream because I believed for a minute or so that it was all true: that I had found some profound solution in the image of the re-created layers, and also that I had killed my father and was keeping it secret. In reality my father died over 7 years ago, but it was an accident that I had nothing to do with. I often have dreams (or even confused thoughts while I'm awake) that it wasn't an accident, but a suicide or murder that I had something to do with. Please help me with this one if you can. For some reason it left me feeling despondent and confused all day; I could barely do my job. I obviously have issues with my father's death. I've had counseling, I've talked to friends about it, I've dealt with it, but I have so many dreams that tell me "no you haven't!"
edit to add more dream detail as I remember...
I referred to the place where I killed my father as "the room outside the doors." It was at the top of a staircase and just outside of at least 2 closed doors, everything there was made of light blond wood. There were people on the other side of the doors and what was going on on the other side was not work, but play, college kids having a party with loud music and flashing lights, but in the room outside the doors it was light, bright, quiet, calm.
The psychoanalyst who questioned me was a woman. I talked with her because I wanted to, not because I had to.
The other part - building the layers - took place outside at night near a body of water. The sky and water were dark blue and the ground was dark green and damp. There were a lot of people around, literally 2-dimensional without faces, but it was quiet, though not silent. There were the sounds of water, wind, whispering and work.
The sleeping man in the layers was not real, but a cartoon drawing
oh yeah, and something was telling me to hold on to this dream, remember as much as possible, it's important, but so much of the meaning slipped away as I woke up. There was SO much more to the part with the layers, and even what little bit I remember I don't know how to put into words...IP: Logged |
Ra
Moderator Posts: 653
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted November 30, 2005 04:12 AM
Lemingtyne, I must say that I find myself moved by your dream. I even began to tear up at one point, strangely enough. That never happens. I can personally relate to your situation quite perfectly many ways, but that is only partly behind my emotional reaction. I'm not quite sure what the other part is, but it feels peculiar. I will certainly give this dream very careful consideration.  IP: Logged |
Ra
Moderator Posts: 653
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted December 06, 2005 02:56 PM
Okay, the first part ...Initiated by the material you were reading before you slept, this dream reflects the control that this issue has over your life and mind. The layers are the layers of self, of your reality, and this part of the dream indicates a restructuring, or re-creation, of these layers in order to discover the hidden problem and it's hidden solution. It appears that your higher self, or Unconscious self, is dissecting the various constituent parts of your conscious self, observing the way in which they are put together, ferreting out the problem. The higher self is attempting to align your lower and higher centers, your physical and spiritual selves (vertical alignment). It appears to me that the sleeping man and the pink blanket hold clues about the issue/problem. The man is sleeping because he represents some issue that is dormant, not active consciously, and associated either with a particular man or with masculine aspects of self ... judging from part 2, it seems likely to be your father. He is "not real" because there is something "not real" behind your conscious/subconscious attitudes/feelings about his death. Perhaps the people around were two-dimensional and "without faces" because there is a missing dimension to your thoughts, something you have yet to "face". The pink blanket could represent feminine energy, as a needed balance against the sleeping-father issue, covering it gently until it is time for "awakening". How do you feel about this so far?  IP: Logged |
Ra
Moderator Posts: 653
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted December 10, 2005 04:41 AM
 IP: Logged |
Lemingtyne
Knowflake Posts: 178
From: U.S.
Registered: May 2005
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posted December 11, 2005 01:29 AM
Ra,
Thank you for your interpretation so far. It's very complex and esoteric, but so was the imagery I gave you to work with (esoteric at least).
When you write "this issue" do you mean what I was reading or what I dreamed?
The alignment you describe - I don't know if that's what's happening, but it sounds like something I could benefit from.
There is something "not real" behind my attitudes/feelings about his death - like thinking I had something to do with it? Like obsessing over it, if not in conscious daily life, then in my dreams? Or like thinking I should be able to get over it and get on with my life... because I feel like I'm malingering and I want to do whatever I have to do to "get over it."
Ra, was there a certain part of the dream that triggered your emotional reaction? If so I feel like maybe I need to focus on that part...
Thanks so much for your help so far IP: Logged |
Ra
Moderator Posts: 653
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted December 15, 2005 04:38 AM
I haven't forgotten about you. Be back soon. IP: Logged |
Ra
Moderator Posts: 653
From:
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted December 22, 2005 11:18 PM
"This issue" means what you dreamed, the issue of your father's passing. "Not real" ... I'm not really sure, but thinking you had something to do with it and obsessing over it is more what I was thinking. I don't think you "should be able to get over it", if ever we are able to "get over" such an event, but "getting on with life" is important. My own father died suddenly eight years ago, and while I have dealt with it on many levels, and often think about it still, I have never "gotten over it". I would rather be with it and understand it than get over it ... know what I mean? Before I talk about my emotional reaction, let me briefly comment on the second part of the dream. It's not really your father that you are killing, rather, you are trying to "kill", to end, to transform, the feelings (fingertips) that you have about his death. You want to "get better", as indicated by the psychoanalyst, but don't want to reveal the depth of the pain that may be required. And "the room outside the doors" ... this could be a representation of where he is, just outside of your awareness. This is where my emotional reaction stems from. As I said, my father passed eight years ago, suddenly, and young - I was there, and I am familiar with the vague feelings of guilt, similar to yours, so I can relate to that. But this is not why the emotion. Actually, I had hoped to kind of side-step that comment, and here you wish to focus upon it ... maybe there is a reason for that. Here's the thing, I'm not a medium or psychic or anything like that, but sometimes impressions are recieved, and the impression here was quite strong. I hesitate to write about it because I don't want you to feel like I am telling you that I am privy to information you're not capable of recieving, or that I can be closer to your father than yourself ... it is not like that. I just want to tell you what I feel, and for you to know that it is only a matter of time before you feel these things yourself, once the block is removed and you allow the doors of your psyche to be opened. Your father loves you dearly, he wants you to know that there are no accidents, that there was nothing you could have done, that nothing is your fault, that he is with you when you need him, that he is waiting for your mind to accept his true presence. When he comes to you in dreams, it is your mind that changes the event, and he so wants you to understand that he will come to you clearly just as soon as it is possible to do so. He is trying, and he will not stop - he loves you so. He finds no fault in you, and he will be as patient as you need him to be. Time does not exist for him, he has all that you need. He says, "be patient, I'm right here." He has learned so much on the other side, and he understands that you need to go through certain stages before the channel is clear, just as he. He is waiting, he is not going anywhere. He loves you. He loves you. I don't know, that sounds so generic, but I feel it so strongly. I wish I were a better channel for this information. Anyway, that's what I have, that's what I feel. I hope it has some meaning for you. If there is anything else I can do, please let me know. I will tell you this, I think your dreams about him are soon going to change. I hope so. Walk in Peace
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Lindaland
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