posted January 23, 2006 10:51 AM         

Had this dream this morning. It involved my family - I went to visit my dad who i havent seen for 10 years.When I arrived I found my Nana (who died 4 years ago) and my Papa, and my mother who hates my dad. We were all waiting for my dad and his girlfriend to arrive. When he came, he looked younger than I remember. We didn't speak, it felt more like I was in a movie watching myself.

Then the scene switches to a new apartment i have moved into. The place feels lonely...but all my friends come to keep me company. Then my friend alistair (whom in real life I adore and care about) stays the night. I go into his room in the morning - the room is white, light and calm. He is naked....and he sits up and we kiss and I touch his face. We end up making love....though he is a chrisitan.

So, I've woken up feeling confused about family issues and myself.

posted January 24, 2006 09:50 AM         

It is complicated....I am so surprised that my Nana is in my dream. I have never dreamed about her before. My mother never liked her parents and she and my Nana struggled until she died. And part of me was happy yet apprehensive when I saw my nana again.

And my Dad - i wrote him a letter recently that I never sent....and perhaps my thoughts somehow were sent out. In the letter I was forgiving him for all the pain he caused. So part of this meeting is interesting. He was younger in the dream, probably how I was when I was 6.

This dream feels more than 'just a dream' it seems a meeting of all of us somehow. I do remember my Nana and mum disagreeing in part if the dream.

The second part of the dream - Yes at the moment, I feel so lonely so the fact my apartment was like that (as in the house represents yourself?)isnt surprising. However, I felt happiest when I was with Alistair, felt cleansed being with him. In real life he is a christian and has just reconciled with his ex girlfriend.

So, honestly, I dont know what to think. I am tired of feeling alone (much of that is linked to family issues)not just a phase at the moment.

posted January 25, 2006 10:37 AM         

I really don't want to be caught up in my family's grief...I want to be free.

posted February 15, 2006 04:05 AM         

Have you thought about seeing the counselor again for a while? It could help. I simply do not know enough about the situation to give any sort of advice.

These questions do come to mind ... have you been selfish for years? Have you alienated your family? Do you have problems with men? Do you build barriers around youself? Are you being left behind?