Posts: 3169
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004

posted January 31, 2006 10:44 PM         

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Well, I have had so many dreams, containing so many people in my life. Happy dreams, not scary. I dance. I have a lot of dreams that are revolving around my college days, although they do not take place at the actual college. It's the people I knew in college. I have many dreams of dancing, kind of like "high" dreams. So the dreams are not disturbing except, I at some piont in every dream am paralyised. I can't stant up, or get to where I have to go fast enough, I grasp onto furnature or objects in order to stand. It is my legs that won't work.
Now, the only thing I can attribute this to is not getting enough exercise, and being too dependant on others to help me. Also, I drink too much and feel atrophy setting in, because I don't exercise. I suppose I have just analysed my own dreams, it's related to alcholism. I'm trying to deal with that now.
I bindge drink, and I don't know why.

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Posts: 2927
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted January 31, 2006 11:56 PM         

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Hey lovely woman.
Been a long time.
What's up?
You know what I'd like you to do for me? Er.. for you..
Get one of those stability balls. They run under twenty dollars, usually a lot under that.
Next time you log on to the computer, empower your body while you empower your mind and share the delightful creature that is you.
It is easy to sit on one of those, with good posture, but you needn't do anything extensive. The act of sitting on it, alone, even gentle swaying, keeps your body energized, somewhat passsively. Plus it is the right height for the computer. Your core muscles are needed to keep you stable on the ball.. but it is a perfect exercise for someone feeling weak... it gets you there without a lot of effort, and then also.. go on walks, breathe deeply, try to get yourself out there and knowing the beauty of simple things.. The curve of a branch, a particular piece of architecture on an otherwise normal structure..
See it. See the world in your own place...feel the energy making you aware.
Paint. Paint with your hands and fingers.. immerse yourself in vivid colours and feelings through that.
Channel it and get it out.
What do you want to numb? Is there any way you can replace the numb with awareness? Can you confront it? I know it is painful, and probably more than just an 'it'... but I know you can do it.. If it gets too hard, please email me.
Energy is there for a reason. You have to do some channelling.
Love to you.

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Posts: 2927
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted February 01, 2006 12:04 AM         

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Can I share?
My world is not the same. I do not want it the same.. but along with all these new things that I knew were coming, I had to numb myself to make it all make sense.. to make it al fit.
It is still hard to confront, hard to accept change, even positive change, we are creatures of comfort, ultimately. I am still not fully composed... but the difference is inside.
I don't know what will come, but I have done some simple things, finally, to get myself out of it. I am not condoning what my own journeys are, just sharing from this newfound feeling I am embarking on...
I just signed up for a business course, and am doing that.
I just signed up for a writers workshop, which will keep me focused and sharing, and might make some new connections. For My Growth.
There comes a point when you know you have grown. No matter how old you are, or what you have been through, you know the energy points to something beyond. Defining is the hard part, but often, a simple action can have massive import in the context of the change.
Through joining a writers workshop, and having a picture I just drew on my binder, as an embellishment... I was asked to do some covers for a literary magazine. It is local and just starting.. but it is the simple checking out of a scene that moves you, and who knows what things will happen from there.
If I were still fighting this energy and trying to define it before I made action, I wouldn't have had this.
It would've been later that something is happening.
But once you are awake, you can't sleep again.
What you need to do is not numb the wakefulness, you need to shake off the cobwebs and remember why you are a unique person who deserves love.. even from yourself.

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Posts: 783
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted February 01, 2006 04:18 AM         

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Man, that spoke to me, too.

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Posts: 2927
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted February 02, 2006 01:57 AM         

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I am so glad, Ra.

So much is speaking to me lately, I feel I have grown a layer, but it is translucent and sparkly.. I feel like I am back again, but better than before.

Like I have gone through some very bad things and I can still stand and be loved.

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Posts: 3169
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004

posted February 02, 2006 02:36 PM         

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Thank you for the wake up call Pix.

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