posted May 06, 2008 01:59 AM         

First dream:
I was at home and next door the guy I have an on/off crush on was there as in the dream his new girlfriend lived there. He came over to ask me for some help with a feral cat belonging to his girlfriend. I picked up the cat and it was savage and scratched me whilst howling but I played with its ears and calmed it down til it was purring contentedly in my arms.
He then said that my kids were well behaved and I said it was cos I was pretty strict with them so he called his girlfriend's young son over so I could 'fix' him too. I talked to the boy, I don't know what about, but he started behaving and the guy said I was great with kids.
I said something about me still being single and asked him whether it was cos I'm fat and he said I wasn't fat but I had a bit of a fat belly (not true, I'm fat all over ).
He then gave me thirty five dollars- a twenty, ten and five dollar notes. He also gave me a bottle of alcohol (some kind of spirit) but I gave it back as I'm not drinking at the moment.
In the dream I was jealous and angry he had a girlfriend, her name in the dream was the same as the pisces (who I used to love) fiancee and I commented on that bitterly in the dream.
In reality this guy got cross with me a few weeks ago when I rang him late at night (drunk, lol) and I haven't spoken to/seen him since. I don't even know if he has a girlfriend at the moment.

I woke up and was awake for about an hour then I fell asleep and had a terrible dream:
Dreamt I was at my Mum's house on holiday and we were arguing a lot, I was so angry in the dream and felt incredulous rage. She kept saying how I wasn't good enough and thought I was great when everyone else laughed at me. She told me things I had done when I was drunk and didn't even remember (weird feeling in the dream) I turned around and screamed that it was HER that people thought that about and gave her examples and told her that I wanted her out of my life forever.
She then went into the shower and showed me a syringe with morpheine written on the side and I realised she was dying and hadn't told me. I felt like the worst person on earth for being so mean to her- although I was just being honest. It made my heart hurt in the dream to know she didn't have long to live.

I've always had issues in reality with Mum's disapproval (she doesn't realise she's doing it), thats partly why I keep a great physical distance between us.

posted May 09, 2008 01:48 PM         

Suppressed anger and resentment, to be sure, concerning your mother and your own relationship issues, both of which are related.

In the first dream, it is indicated that there are particular instinctual (feral cat) and immature/undeveloped (young boy) energies within yourself that you are trying to "tame", or need to be "fixed", yet the suppressed jealousy, anger, and bitterness within you have a tendency to short-circuit this process.

The second dream definately reflects the conflicting emotions you have about your mother. You resent her and have anger towards her, but you love her as well, which creates feelings of guilt within you.

It seems she has had a hand in programming you with a lowered self esteem, self confidence, and self worth, all which directly affect your relationship issues.

She told me things I had done when I was drunk and didn't even remember (weird feeling in the dream) Don't you think this is more of a reflection of her than you? There could even be some very hurtful things which you do not remember, from your childhood, which she did to you.

There is a lot of stuff going on in these dreams.

On the positive side, there are also indications that you are working on some level to try and balance these conflicting energies within yourself, trying to cleanse yourself of the damage done by your mother. It is hard, but you are trying.

What do you think?

posted May 09, 2008 08:24 PM         

I am working on a few issues I have, a lot of issues are just now coming up now I am well because the medication (and other tools) I use to treat my bipolar are working extrememly well. Its letting me get to the REAL issues, not just silly stuff my illness was focusing on.