posted February 02, 2009 05:14 PM         

I wouldn't even ask if this dream wasn't making my stomach tumble.

...

Necessary info before the dream, I live in a duplex apartment with my mother. I sometimes have anger outbursts that in me hitting the floor. def-mute neigbourwoman doesn't ring the door bell she just reaches for the door knob. that's been very frustrating and i severely dislike her. i also harbor a major grudge toward my fathers mother. my father died in last september.

the dream:

I am in my room (upstairs). My mother is sleeping in the room next to it. I hear the front doors opening. I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I go downstairs to see my def-mute neigbourwoman has entered our apartment. I am outraged by this and I want to force her out. I grab onto her hair but i manage to pull a piece of it apart. i notice it's some part of disguise. i proceed to unmask her and there I uncover my fathers mother (which i have a severe dislike of aswell). She just sits in the living room. my mother descends down the stairs she's coming to see whats going on. I became blinded by rage and I attempt to hit the floor as hard as I can. I hit the floor, but the pain and relief of endorphines are no where in sight. I feel defeated by this.
...

any thoughts?

posted February 02, 2009 09:05 PM         

But I don't think this is anything you don't know. The question is in what way does the neighbor lady remind you of your father's mother? This might lead us in a direction of what it is all about.

posted February 03, 2009 06:50 AM         

I don't have deep anger toward the neighbor lady I just can't stand that she lives of pity.

I have been writing my dreams for more then 3 years (i'm 20 now) and I've reached some powerful enlightenments from them. I know that dreams which are this memorable and cause this strong reaction have a "bigger picture" . I'm just too close and I can't see it

any more ideas?

posted February 04, 2009 04:55 PM         

epilogue to this story:
i talked to this great pen pal of mine and she gave me a breakthrough.

This dream appears to be one in my "Nothing is ever what it appears to be" series. The previous ones weren't even nearly as scary so I did not see the connection. Now I only need to figure out what is it that bothers my subconscious to such an extent and dream away .

posted February 07, 2009 01:18 AM         

In order to see what the "bigger picture" might be, I think we must know why you harbour a grudge towards your father's mother.

The neighborwoman in your dream, as your grandmother in disguise, indicates the fact that this grudge against your grandmother is intruding into your mind, on both a conscious and subconscious level.

So, why do you harbour this grudge? What is it about this issue that makes you feel full of rage and defeated?

posted February 20, 2009 12:58 PM         

quote:

---

So, why do you harbour this grudge? What is it about this issue that makes you feel full of rage and defeated?

---

I begrudge her the fact that I could've had a very different life if she hadn't acted the way she did in her youth. (She left my dad to her father to raise him which undoubtedly had very big consequences on him ). And he was very attached to her despite of her being a very bad mother and person. She also hates my mother...

but I don't know. None of this is anything new or anything I spend time thinking about.

If you are willing to take a look, this is the previous "Nothing is ever what it seems" dream:

I'm at M's girlfriends apartment. (They both live there, and their actual apartment looks very different then from what I see in the dream.). Him and me are gazing through the window. A huge river is overflowing the membranes since it's raining the river just keeps rising. We chat around about nothing in particular and that's the first time the thought "Nothing is what it appears to be" comes to me. He tells me to stick around since it's horrible outside and goes into the study(which his actual apartment doesn't have). I watch TV for a little while with his girlfriend and her (faceless) friend. I prepare to go. And I say so loud enough for him to hear in the other room. He emerges and offers to come with me since it's so bad outside. I drive him to the what seems like a parking space of a mega market (I don't have a driving license nor does similar market exist around here). We exit the car and go to the sewer cap after hearing pounding from it. We raise it and from down there emerge the girlfriend and the faceless friend covered in something black and disgusting resembling mud or oil. As we help them out from the sewer my car is getting stolen. Lucky, the security of the parking place stops the robbery and the two of us get back in the car. We park near by in front of the stool that has TV on it. The TV is playing Dirt (FX show with Courtney Cox, one I love). I tell him excitedly "See! This is why I love this show. Nothing is ever how it seems."

.......................................

I don't know. But being able to remember all the small details of these two dreams makes me think there is something huge I fail to see. And I think it's something bigger then an old grudge. I think it's either someone new intruding my home.... or maybe something inside of me.

Both dreams left huge impressions on me.

From thinking them through I've had few conclusions:

1) someone is intruding my home/me and I'm not identifying who it is properly
2) I can't force out people who are related to me (which I would have no problem doing to a stranger/neighbour woman)
3) all the women cast in bad roles are blonds (which is a sucky conclusion, i know)
4) Love is blind?

this is somewhat frustrating for me.

posted February 28, 2009 02:14 PM         

You stated ... I'm at M's girlfriends apartment.

Who is 'M'? Is this your father?

posted March 01, 2009 10:29 AM         

I'm sorry I was unclear. M is a close friend who attends college with me. My dad didn't appear in any of these dreams.

That dream was actually the first one with that message ("Nothing is ever what it appears to be").

It could be that the issue in question is resolved because the more recent dreams were about me fighting my shadow in spite of knowing it's stronger and I can't keep it form coming out. Or the dreams are about the fact that I am different then I appear to be.