posted February 02, 2010 10:02 PM         

It seems to me, as I've been reading your dreams since last summer, that you are really coming to terms with your past, and the emotions you may have 'built walls' over.

It seems as though, something has triggered you to be able to work through these memories and emotions, and let them come to the surface.
Didn't this all start when your Mom got sick? If I'm remembering the story right?

All that rot and decay is coming to the surface, and your Mom, in the dream, gave you permission to 'tear down the walls', even hack at them with a pick axe.

How do you feel when you dream something like this? What feelings are with you upon waking? Take note of them, I'm curious as to if they are more of a relief, or fear.

posted February 03, 2010 12:43 PM         

Yes… I was thinking that it could have to do with all those issues I have ignored for years and years… All that subconscious rubbish carefuly hidden that is now coming out… Saturn and Uranus opposing started the turmoil… Reiki and psychological therapy are disolving the barriers so I’m facing my demons… now that they are surfacing… all that awful stuff… the decomposed poo… the cockroaches…

My mum didn’t get sick… There was a dream about it but it was only a dream… My mother is emotionally sick, but that is a different story… My mom comes out in my dreams frequently… The same as witches, my cousins-siblings and my workmates… They must be playing specific roles for my subconscious to translate the messages…

How did I feel? Terrorised… Overwhelmed… Not at all relieved… Disgusted…Fearful… Somehow, I felt the situation was completely out of control… It was time whether I liked it or not, it was a question of survival… This is being hard for me. But I also must say that, like at the end of the dream, I’m starting to take control… not really sure of being able to do it… but acting upon the flood, actively clearing and commanding action… even silencing my mother (her influence??? – Therapy is helping me to detect incorrect patterns created by her influence.

posted February 05, 2010 02:18 AM         

I apologize, I was confusing you with someone else regarding your Mom being sick, please forgive my bad memory.

I am thinking alot on your dream. Your dreams fascinate me, and you are one of the most prolific dreamers I've known for the fact of your talent for recall in such detail.

I researched fish in dream symbology, and nothing really stood out.
So, let's look at it together.

Fish, what comes to mind?
A creature that breathes water, cannot breathe air or will die.

Something that swims, away or to you.

Something you try and catch, for sport or for food.

The ability to be free, and swim away, go with the flow, with the currents.

Maybe we can work some of those thoughts into the dream RE: using the fish in the bathroom.

As far as your brother and the "Poo" ok, to me this is like toxins coming out of him, and your Mother is angry about what comes out of him. Has he tried to ever express his feelings about his relationship with her only to be judged for them, or rebuffed in some way?

You dream of balconies alot, I noticed. I'm not sure if this is just in your consciousness because where you live the architecture is this way or not.
But a balcony is above, higher up.
And your Mother is on it.
So, it's like in your dreams you place her above the ground.
Is she unobtainable in your mind?
Do her opinions seem unreachable, out of your grasp?

But this time she called you onto the balcony with her, as if she wants you to join her, side up with her, or so it would seem. Do you think that is relevant?

I would feel terrorized or uneasy should I dream this as well, because the things we bury so deep in our walls are frightening when they come to the surface, but this is you coming to terms with it, and working through it.
I believe it's a blessing, even though frightening.
And I think the work you are doing on yourself is admirable, you are a strong lady.

posted February 06, 2010 02:48 PM         

I have a couple extra thoughts on your dream have no time now but will get back to you later on!

posted February 07, 2010 12:23 PM         

"He continued pooing in our bedroom since he was sick and could not stop it. Poo was everywhere, it was soft brown and semi-liquid. She started cleaning it up but it wouldn't stop coming out..."

Poohing in the bedroom you shared with your brother shows you feel comfortable letting all these emotions out with him/what he represents to you and your mother scolding him is your critical voice (maybe triggered by your childhood memories of how you perceived her)

I think you are right you used your brother's waking state during these episodes to show you this symbolism of letting it all out to be healed.

"They were invading us!! She asked me to chip the wall with a pick. I'm scared and don't want to but she forces me...
When I do, I see that all the walls are hollow, eaten up by the overwhelming plague... and they continue coming out flooding the place..."

Again here your mother calling you is your guiding self showing you on the verge (balcony/here I see it as the symbol of you stepping out beyond your inner self - the last step before venturing out into the outside as balcony overlooks everything out there everything outside yourself)

I see the cockroaches as your disgusts even bitter thoughts/feelings that just kept breeding over time rushing out as you chip away at the walls. you are afraid but you keep urging yourself through mom's symbolism, because you know that before you take that very liberating next leap you must rid yourself of all this unclean stuff inside you

This lack of control you feel where the house is falling crumbling from the infestation of insects is the old ways dying - you are making a breakthrough you are just a little fearful of the next step because you have been carrying all this for so long you are used to it (your childhood home) now its time for all that to disintegrate.

Your mother/guide wants you to collect all this in a plate - I see this as collecting all this flushed out stuff, eating and digesting it off of the "plate" - meaning your mom/you know that you are almost at the point of digesting/healing and re-integrating all that has hurt you

Your alternate plan of drowning them I think is your way of escaping facing them head on,that is why its not working and the water/your emotions are still brown...whereas, "collecting them and making peace with them by eating them off the plate" and in this way you integrate them now, healed back into your system.

I feel the drowning them seems to be worsening the matter and it shows me the panick - your emotions, and the blockages - even your cousin wants to free the fish back into the water but you don't so this shows me your obstacle - work with this part of the dream and the symbolism - this is where your issue is I think.

You are doing very good steelrose, I'm proud of you working so diligently on yourself

Hope this helps some more

Mystique

posted February 07, 2010 04:06 PM         

Too much information... Let's piece it down so I can digest it...

Fish... I know that part was important... something that lives under water, something in the emotional world... obstructing the flow of water... Something hidden from my sight that is hampering and frustrating my attempt to clear the rubish...

Drowning the cockroaches... So you think I'm still trying to hide from my demons? That is bad... I'm trying so hard to uncover them and clean the dark corners of my psyche... I'm scared, this is being a tough process, walking in the dark, terrified, trying to face issues that revolt me and make me shudder... I'm fighting to take responsability and grow, to not run anymore... to be able to face the skeletons in my wardrobe... So I may be wanting to consciously, but maybe my subconscious is playing triks on me, casting a spell so I don't untangle the mess...

My mother... In the dream she didn't help much, she only commanded the mess to stop, as a hysterical and reprimanding figure... blaming us, only asking us to stop it but not helping to clear the mess... Is that a part of me? My conscious? I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to clear the stuff as fast as possible so I can start building a healthy life asap... It must be my ego... Is my inner core, my true self panicking, out of control? Feeling mistreated and overwhelmed?

My brother... He is the youngest... In the dream, he was 6 or 7 years old... Fragile, innocent, needing care... I felt the urge of protecting him, to throw my mother out of there, to leave him alone... He was sick and needed caressing and understanding, protection so he could heal... Am I doing it wrong? Should I relax and give myself more time to heal? I try hard to be understanding with my limitations, but I sometimes become desperate and frustrated... because it's a slow process and I need to get rid of all those awful things quickly, frustrated and unhappy, it's never fast enough... I want to be OK right now... but it's impossible...
What is amazing is the ability of my subconscious to translate something like that into images... My brother does have an intestinal illness and I blame my mother and her pressure on him for that...

The balcony... Yes, you are right balconies appear so often in my dreams these days... So if the house is me, the balcony is what let me see outside, lean out... where I can see the world... I'm called upon the verge...

Cockroaches... hidden things that as you say have been breeding inside me and now are bursting out, so we all can see them... they are coming out to the conscious level, making me panick... I'm overwhelmed by the "plague"... the same as I was by the worms in a previous dreams... Worms in my kitchen (heart), now cockroaches in the balcony (near the verge)... Is that causing me starting to talk about some of those gosts? They are coming out... flooding out... I'm speaking them out loud for the first time, not only to my therapist, also to some friends...

My childhood home... my old me, the frozen patterns of the past crumbling down...

So, Mystique... what is the obstacle you see? I don't quite get it... Is it the fish (the blocking emotion) or me trying to drown the cockroaches (trying to scape from the rubbish)?