posted March 12, 2010 01:42 PM         

I don't remember most of it, but I remember agreeing to go to an AA meeting with a work colleague, to support her. When we got to the hall, she bottled it (pardon the pun), got hysterical and left. I stayed, but it was so full that I had to share an armchair with a man. I didn't notice him until I shifted position and turned round to apologise. He took my breath away - not because of his looks, but because I felt such a connection. I think he felt the same way. He then apologised because he had to get up, and I was sat on his knee. He said he needed to go outside, and used a motion to suggest he was going to inject something. I said 'oh, are you a diabetic' and he gave me a 'doh' look and pointed to the meeting sign at the front (it was a joint meeting for Alcoholics and Drugs Anonymous). I immediately knew (assumed?? in a dream?) that he was on a methodone programme for herion addiction (I know that you usually wouldn't inject this on a recovery programme).

I was absolutely gutted, because I knew I was in love with him, but I couldn't risk introducing such a person into mine and my childs life. I left the meeting, and recall feeling very down, getting on with my life.

I then bumped into him in the street, it was dark, he offered me a hug. As he lent in he became very tall and my face was pressed against his stomach (like a child). I remember the feel of his cotton shirt, and the slight sponginess of his skin underneath. I felt so safe.

Everytime I have thought about it today I have got that hard feeling in the top of your chest/throat - a mix of fear and excitement, and then I remember it's not real, and I feel a sense of loss.

Can anyone help interpret the less obvious bits?

posted March 12, 2010 06:36 PM         

Alot of people dream of mates before they meet them.

Perhaps if you look at it symbolically, instead of literally, you would feel better about it.

In other words, maybe you will meet a kind, compassionate person (the sort that would mentor meetings or troubled people maybe?)

And, it could be that you will become "addicted" to one another.
I say this because you say in the hug, you felt very safe, in real life you would not feel safe with an active drug user.