posted January 13, 2014 04:14 PM            

I usually wake myself up from a deep sleep because I'm yelling so loudly. I always grew up with the pressure to please everybody and be the best at everything. My life has fallen apart over the last two years: collapsed marriage, no job, no money and I feel like a total failure.

posted January 13, 2014 08:02 PM            

I would say you feel vulnerable to their opinions. Though they are supportive you wonder if they have opinions on how you should be different or have done things differently.

You subconsciously feel that you have to defend yourself though you probably think that yes you could have done things differently or tried more here and there etc. It also feels like there is some resentment and bitterness underneath your feelings towards them. So that even though you love and appreciate them you might think, 'well that's easy for you to say you haven't been through what I have been through'.

Even though you do seem to accept your lot in life as being part of some fate that is just how it is, you can become stronger in that sentiment, and you can fuel your life to come, by embracing the experiences you have had and what you can potentially develop as your character. So in a way there is a feeling like you are also trying to get mad yourself to do something about your situation. Like when people get angry to get motivated and make some changes. So I think a change is coming for you, it feels like there is an impetus building to take on new challenges and be assertive.

I had to look back to how you explained your family because I keep seeing a youngish man that doesn't fit with the age of the only male (your father). So I wonder who the man is - he feels about 33-35 but could be in an age group of 25-40, he feels like a brother-in-law, or maybe an ex boyfriend from years ago that is now like a family friend. He appears dark headed, fit but carrying a little extra weight, with a moustache. He seems supportive, but it feels like its he and possibly some of his relatives/friends around him that you are most defensive against even though he seems generally supportive to you. It seems like he could stir you a little to get on with things as he would worry that you might get too much into the doldrums and not make any more effort to improve things. I see him in a singlet and shorts, he's probably at least 5'8" in height as it feels like his arms and legs are a reasonable length. I think you look up to him a bit or you respect his opinions etc.

posted January 14, 2014 08:26 AM            

I have always been susceptible to my family's opinions and I DO believe they might question my mindset and past decisions! I feel like they have pity on me but also they think, oh get off your soapbox and stop being so self-centered....it's not that bad....

Yeah right, you try being in my shoes!!! Good one Chryseis!!

Ok so about this other man, I have speculation about who this might be and has piqued my interest. There are only 3 significant men in my life that come to mind and fit your description
1. My ex-husband who I separated from 9 mo. ago. Although he's 35, tall, light eyes, fit with a mustache- he's completely bald and I'm not sure how supportive he is of me right now- although I'm trying my hardest to get us back to being friends. I still care about him but I do not have a good relationship with his family right now.

2. My brother-in-law: tall, 39, light eyes, dark goatee and mustache but also completely bald and very heavy (not fit at all.) I don't know that I see him doing much as he lives in another state and we don't talk very often, although we have a good relationship.

3. A past ex from a couple of years ago. Tall, 36, dark hair, dark eyes, fit, mustache. We were actually very close friends but I say Ex because I loved him very much which led to an emotional affair catalysing the end of my marriage. I have high defenses against him and his family/friends, but I do believe he still cares about me. We have not been in touch for almost 2 years and my family is very much aware of who he is and the impact he had on me.

Do any of the descriptions above give you a clearer picture of who the man might be? Of course the only other man I can think of is my father who is 73 with silver hair LOL.

I so very much appreciate your insight- you are quite gifted! Much Love!!

posted January 14, 2014 05:13 PM            

I would say the third is the closest as I feel that the guy wasn't bald.

Maybe the other two still care as well. The ex-husband cares but he seems to be waiting, I think he feels ashamed before your parents, and there is still a stinging feeling in his experience of it all. He would miss you but he might use the time as an opportunity to see if he could have other relationships - at this stage he feels like he might think you and he can hook up again when your parents are gone, and let bygones be bygones.

The brother-in-law, cares, but he is disgruntled about something, like he didn't get enough attention, like he does care, but no one worried about him too much so why should he bother himself. It feels like he thought he was 'the man' and that the family should have been begging for his presence, or more miffed that he wasn't around, or something like that.

The past ex, number 3, cares but he is a bit cold emotionally, like things are now done and dusted but there is a sensation that he may keep a bit of a tab on you - there is a feeling like 'come on girl, what are you going to do with yourself and your life now', kind of like he has an interest in how you get on. I don't really see a furtherance of the involvement though. I do think though you sense the impression that you have to put some effort into staying out of the doldrums because he does keep tabs on you a bit, so its kind of like on some level he is motivating you to prove your character when life is dealing you challenges.

So, I don't think he wants to resume but he does want you to move on and get more assertive in your life to improve things for yourself. I'm thinking someone he knows, a female, has given him some progress reports on you, if only snippets, of what she has determined through social media or something and she seems to be connected to a younger male relative/friend of his.

posted January 15, 2014 09:29 AM            

I see the last description as being my ex-husband.

I say this because my ex husband has done some very vindictive things to me since our split and has made my life very difficult. He has been very emotionally cold to me and He always wanted me to stop being so sensitive to others thoughts/perceptions. I'm sure will try to keep tabs on me and how I'm doing through our son and play dates with mutual friends. He was the one that filed for divorce so I believe he's probably the one that wants it over and done, yet wants me to be able to move on with my life successfully.

As for the other ex-friend, I do see him feeling ashamed about what happened (maybe being a catalyst to the end of my marriage.). Therefore I could see him hoping for something in the future but letting bygones be bygones for now...he is also still married so the thought of him pursuing other relationships could be an indication he strongly wants to work on his marriage first.

Anyway, I have been told through tarot this ex-friend will come back into my life..and that my marriage is definitely over with my husband so I guess only time will tell.

posted January 15, 2014 07:03 PM            

I can see what you are saying about how the guys should be swapped. But I've looked at it again and can't change on it. I've looked for distinguishing features. Guy 1, seems like he has a short chain almost permanently around his neck though it could even be a tattooed chain and is he starting to grey, like on his facial hair. Guy three has some extra refined-ness about him. Like he has a good quality wallet that he uses for good, so he may actually swap wallets sometimes when he's dressing up. Also he has thin knees, lean hips but possibly a pouchy but reasonably fit but, and seems to carry an extra layer on his stomach, not so much fat, more just his build, and the back of his arms seems to have more of that pouchy but fit-ish flesh. His teeth, one in his front was decayed and filled and I think you would notice it. His teeth in general are not attractive but he exudes attractiveness from the shape of his hairline around his face and the focused look he can get with his eyes. For some reason he looks like he has tyre prints on his feet, so maybe he wears rubber thongs or there is a metaphor about him wearing maybe even bare feet on tarmac where cars drive.

posted January 15, 2014 07:37 PM            

Sooooo, the ex- friend we'll call him D does wear a short chain around his neck (literally) has head and facial hair both greying and he's the one still married whom I have not talked to. P.S. D's also the one with the deep penetrating eyes. Although I never knew his time of birth, I always believed he was a Scorpio rising.

My ex- husband is "J" and you described him quite well, wears crocs all the time (the tire tracks on his feet). And has a bit of a pouch belly but is not overweight. He also has thin hips. He's the bald one though.

So just to make sure we're on the same page: who do you believe is cold and un- emotional again? Wants me to get on with my life and doesn't see anything further between us? Is cynical toward me?

Given your descriptions are quite accurate, I just want to make sure I have their thoughts/feelings straight as well. I don't want to keep my hopes up on "D" if he has no intention of ever caring for me again or wanting a relationship with Me.I fell deeply in love and need closure and healing for myself.

posted January 16, 2014 06:53 AM            

Probably just one of those anomalies that happen when I look into things.

There is no point me reading into it further if I keep getting them mixed. All I can imagine to explain it is that emotionally, you might think of the ex friend as like a husband and your ex husband like an ex boyfriend. But really I'm just incorrect and that's all there is to it.

So my ideas on what they feel about you would probably be swapped - actually, probably better to scrap my ideas as it might totally throw you.

Back to the drawing board I guess...

posted January 16, 2014 07:25 AM            

....Just came back to add... the more I start thinking about it, the more you're hypothesis is right! My ex-husband "J" and I were always better friends than lovers...so yes, I do/did consider him my best "Friend."

Although "D" and I were/are technically only just friends, I've been told he is a soulmate, past life husband and quite possibly my twinflame in this lifetime. So yes, I did/do feel like he was "the one" or like my future husband or something.

posted January 18, 2014 06:12 PM            

There is an indication that there could be some kind of response to an attempt to connect/contact from you, but in terms of his actual contact of you, I would say the first week in June.

posted January 20, 2014 09:40 AM            

Is there anyway you could see/feel what she looks like? Does she seem genuine in her attempts at being my friend or does it seem like there might be an alternative motive?

posted January 21, 2014 02:08 AM            

I feel like the female that came to light, had generally good things to say about you to the guy. But I'm not sure which guy it is because of my mucked up idea of stuff - it feels like to the croc wearing guy but that is your ex husband not your ex friend isn't it.

Anyway I don't have a clear idea of her personality other than a lot of characteristics that could be belonging to a few women. When I seek an identifying aspect to her, I get a sensation of lots of rings and bracelets, like her hands are totally loaded up with mostly metal jewellery and she has a slight deafness - like she would turn her head when someone spoke. And perhaps it is her left ear that has the slight impairment as it feels like she turns her right ear towards someone and will often repeat parts of what the person said. Maybe she has talked with you quite regularly too, but its like she has referred to the social media to make a point about something. I think she sits down a lot and there is some issues with her back, like when she sits she tends to lean on one side onto her hand, and she has done this so much that it is impacting the way her spine sits.

But I'm not sure, I don't 100% know if this is the woman that I feel is in connection with the guy, and of course, I don't know which guy other than I thought it was with guy three because he likes to know what you are up to and whether you are getting yourself together or something. Maybe I have morphed the woman I described with someone else, as I said, it was hard to pinpoint the personality as it felt it could belong to a few women - so the woman with lots of jewellery may not be the one that has communicated with guy 3 - its just she comes to the fore as the most identifiable woman character to me in this.

She skitzes a bit though, so maybe this is an indication as to why it feels like a few women sometimes. Parts of who I'm trying to define her as seem to slip, and then I will get an aspect of the woman and it seems to fit with the woman I have pictured. Hard to explain. Generally she would have goodwill towards you but does have a tendency towards jealousy, like she wants things to go well for you but not too well - but I guess that's females for ya, as this one, conversely, would basically give her right arm for you and it feels like you have a long history with considerable gaps- if I were to pinpoint it, it would hark back to when you were a teenager and she was in her 20s. And there is one guy that she doesn't want you to get on well with but I can't determine who it is - he's like special to her in her mind.

Sorry not much help.