posted March 30, 2015 06:29 AM            

After we broke up, I used to frequently have nightmares that me leaving him was a dream, and I wake up to still being together with him. After these initial few months, I started having another nightmare every few months, and this has been going on for years: that due to some circumstances I agree to get back with him, and am completely devastated and heartbroken over it. In the nightmare I always get an overwhelming feeling of being trapped, and only just barely having escaped the relationship, only to be yanked back again by circumstances. As if all I've done with my self and my life after I left him, was for nothing, and I'm forced to return in a prison. In the nightmares he never does anything bad, nor acts in any negative/ abusive way - he's always very kind and excited we're getting back together. It's my own sense of desperation and hopelessness that makes the dream feel like a nightmare.

He was a very toxic and abusive person (not physically abusive), so I understand having recurring nightmares about him, but going on for YEARS? I'm a completely different person now, and never think about him, he's so much in the past it feels like we were together in a different lifetime. I am at a complete loss what my subconscious could be trying to tell me with this repeating nightmare.

posted March 30, 2015 04:10 PM            

1. Trauma relief hasn't happened yet. It seems the whole experience has been very traumatic for you and the recurrent dream shows there is not psychological "closure" yet. There is something in the experience you haven't entirely processed yet, you haven't completely "moved on", psychologically. If this is the case, my advice is to discuss and relieve the situation with a psychologist, by discussing it, most likely the "burning" process will take place naturally. You will know because the dream will disappear.

2. There is a part inside you not accepting this guy has moved on and rebuilt his life, that he can "live and be happy without you" *this is the child in us thinking like this, it's an unconscious process, hence the dream Are you a person holding grudges for a long time or forever, an "unforgiven"; perhaps even taking revenge if the opportunity, even after many many years? It's OK if you are, it's a psychological force you can turn into goodness, I perfectly understand myself, I am like this too (do you have strong Pluto/Scorpio influences in your chart). So this is how it works if this is the case: this "unforgiven" part of yourself periodically has this dream in which you get back together (and he looks happy, with YOU), but you feel miserable - this is the "consolation" your psyche offers you (comforting that little wounded child), for having been abandoned, a solace for not really having let go, by showing you how miserable you would be if you were together. It's actually a "relief" dream when the psychological tension of your "unforgiveness" is building up inside you, unconsciously or consciously. I hope I expressed it correctly, since English is not my first language. EDIT: The cure is: accept that you can't forgive this guy and what happened, that it was a dark experience for you, a wound, that this wound and painful experience taught you eventually on what true love and a healthy relationship means, it prepared you for it; also accept you are not glad he moved on from you, that maybe he actually didn't, in a way, but also that it was indeed a good thing for both of you not to remain together, because most likely, there is someone else and different lessons for both of you; that love is about being with the right person rather than winning someone over etc etc The point is, ACCEPT any negative feelings you have about the experience and this guy, but also that there is a positive meaning in not being together that goes beyond clinging to relationships (just tried to put shortly some guidance about it)The dream should disappear (you can talk about this part with a professional too, for help)

posted March 31, 2015 08:22 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
I see two additional possible meanings to your dream:

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posted March 31, 2015 08:23 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by SaturnFan:
Thank you GeminiKarat!

I don't think anyone can provide a 'perfect' solution, I was merely looking for perspectives and you've given me 2 excellent ones. I'll reflect on this, thank you very much for your input!

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You are welcome!

I wish you to find the perfect solution!

posted March 31, 2015 08:39 AM            

I always assumed it was option 1, because I left him (after having tried twice and him convincing me to stay). But your 2nd suggestion put a very different spin on it, I must have read it 20 times and haven't been able to stop thinking about it since I saw it last night. I rarely hold grudges, but when I do I hold them forever. I have a very intense t-square, now that you mentioned Pluto and Scorpio. I have Scorpio Pluto square Aquarius Venus/AC opposite Taurus Moon. I also have Mars in Scorpio, which must be contributing. There must be some intense feelings within me about him not deserving to move on and be happy, even when I don't want to see him ever again. I still feel angry when I think about him, so I might not have let go as I thought I had.
What you said about me accepting all negative feelings and that I can't forgive him, is amazing. I always thought I must fully forgive him in order to be at peace about our relationship. You saying I don't have to made me feel great relief

posted April 01, 2015 04:19 AM            

Good stuff.

Here is another possibility …

The experience you had with the ex was a time of stress, anxiety, and feeling trapped. In the aftermath, whenever you feel stress, anxiety, or trapped, you often dream this. These dreams could be a reflection of current stresses, linking them with this past experience/feelings. The next time you have this dream, notice if you are under any stress in waking life.

posted April 01, 2015 07:47 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ra:
Hello SaturnFan

Good stuff.

Here is another possibility …

The experience you had with the ex was a time of stress, anxiety, and feeling trapped. In the aftermath, whenever you feel stress, anxiety, or trapped, you often dream this. These dreams could be a reflection of current stresses, linking them with this past experience/feelings. The next time you have this dream, notice if you are under any stress in waking life.

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Hello Ra,

posted April 03, 2015 08:27 AM            

I think it's normal not to forgive bad deeds, they don't get better with time, they stay bad for eternity. With time, we learn to accept back the people who did wrong to us because we understand we all make mistakes as part of our spiritual evolution, and we do that when they changed. I look back at the moments when I hurt other people and I see myself as ignorant and foolish back then, I know I will never forgive myself for acting that way (so why would they forgive me) and I would give anything to go back and act differently.

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I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...