posted April 27, 2015 06:10 PM            

Later I remember waking up without clothes on a sofa beside a dog.I didn't know where I was or who the people were.I assumed it was their house.They didn't seem to have a problem walking around naked as the day they were born.I have know idea what the the situation with them was.There where other men and I think at least one woman who were naked or barely dressed.The neighbourhood we were in sort of reminded of Mortville a fictional place in the John Waters movie Desperate Living. I find Divine(Harris Glen Milstead)and others like Mink Stole and Edith Massey who appeared in his movies appeal to me and amuse in an absurd,hysterical and slightly depraved and chaotic way.I really am a freak of nature.In the last part of the dream I remember being in a room at the top of a tower in a house on a hill.I remember climbing down the stairs.I think house was pretty high up.There was man who I think was describing what It was like when the winds and bad weather come.

The Next dream which took place on a different night was weird.I think I understand what happened and what it was about but I'm not entirely sure.I do have my theories but would like to hear what others have to say.I remember walking through a hotel feeling confused and angry.These two men who I think I vaguely remember from somewhere grab hold of me and pin me down on the floor.I think they were angry about something.I was being held down with my face near the floor.I remember one of the getting close to my face.He was putting his weight on me and his crotch was rubbing near my rear end.I felt angry like I wanted to rip his face off although I wasn't sure if I could take him or not.I also didn't know what it was about so I also wanted to watch what I said a find out more information.I didn't care what he had to say really I wanted to hurt them regardless of what they said.I didn't care if they or I had had done something wrong.I thought they were just pests and I had bigger problems and strangely I felt like flirting and doing whatever my impulse told me to do regardless if it made sense or not.One of them said something about revenge.I think he either said"You should have been born a woman or next time you will be born a woman"I wonder if this about karma.Frankly I hope reincarnation doesn't happen because I don't won't to ever come back to this dump of a planet ever again as a man or woman.I'll be honest the way that I feel right now I feel nothing but disgust for God/Goddess and my fellow human beings men,women and children.
Race,gender,sexuality,nationality,
religion,life ,the creation cycle etc. none of that matters. I just want to leave you all behind.I don't want to play any more I don't care about good or evil or what happens.I just want our divine puppet master mother/father to leave me out of the drama that is life and let him/her and the everyone else get on with it.
After that part I walked into a dark shop and talked to a woman.I think I was looking for a dream catcher.

Last night I dreamt there was a baby dressed in blue.I don't know who it belonged to.For some strange reason I picked it and held it.I don't know why as I can't stand children of all ages.I love animals but children make my skin crawl.Perhaps I just wanted it to shut up for a bit.I actually surprised myself because animals that eat their young would have more parental instinct than I do.I think it fell asleep thank god so I put it down again.I really wasn't happy that the baby appeared as I feel the universe was trying to mess with me.I absolutely refuse to be anyones father or mother.

The next part of the dream took part in a classroom.There was a classmate of mine sitting beside who was trying to wind me up.I think I gave her a piece of my mind and I think found a way to get even with her.I told the teacher and the teacher told her off. I remember looking at the girl and she stared at me.She had a piece of paper and I think she was making a paper Ouija board as I could see her drawing letters and numbers and laying them out like a board.I am really sure she was making a Ouija board.I think the girl and the board are a sign that things are going to get really interesting or quite ugly.

I am in a devil may care mood and I am feeling in a humorous mood so I think I will pay homage to Divine.There were other songs I liked but these two sum up how I feel.The first just sums how unapologetic I feel.The second one appeals to my humour and it just shows how beauty can be skin deep and that everything is beautiful in its own way regardless of appearance.

Divine Born to be cheap http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSUYh6WT0EU

Cheap, cheap
I was born to be cheap, cheap
A child no mother could keep, cheap
As sure as there's trash
I was born to be cheap.

I was born to be helpless, I was born to be cold
I was born to never do what I'm told
I was to be shallow, wasn't born to be deep
Of all the things I was to be cheap.

Cheap, cheap
I was born to be cheap, cheap
A child no mother could keep, cheap
As sure as there's trash
I was born to be cheap.

I was born to be crass, a loud brassy tart
No one can accuse me of having a heart
I was born to fast
I don't do it twice with anyone, GET CHEAP!

Cheap, cheap
I was born to be cheap, cheap
As I'm walking down the street, cheap
I'm always too much
I was born to be cheap.

I was born to be helpless, I was born to be cold
I was born to never do what I'm told
I was to be shallow, wasn't born to be deep
Of all the things I was to be cheap.

I'm cheap
I was born to be cheap, cheap
A child no mother could keep, cheap
As I'm walking down the street, cheap
I've always wanted to be cheap
I was born to be cheap

Divine I'm so beautiful http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kwh_yOzJ6AY

posted April 28, 2015 05:40 PM            

First dream: You are feeling you have a hard time escaping feelings of a hellish, underworld nature which stems from your subconscious. You are trapped in negativity, and may feel pike rubbish yourself. But you are not alone in the situation. There are others who suffer, and you can see that. There may be a feeling of community here. There are also the people who threw you to this landfill site, and who don't let you out. They are the cause and have power, so you and the others are victims. Have you ever felt like a victim?

posted April 28, 2015 06:35 PM            

It is interesting you go to a shop where there is a woman and looking for a dream catcher. As if the woman, or womanhood, holds the key to this dream, captures its meaning.

I sympathise with you not wanting to reincarnate again. Earthly experiences alwayse seemed harsher than rewarding to me, although it may be necessary. Being a free-from-bondage spirit is much easier. When you feel one with divinity, know who you are and feel no pain. Well, you don't reincarnate forever. And until then, if you die, you get to have a holiday. But most people, and I am included, are tossed to life ignorant of who they are and can and do suffer pain. Suffering is universal. And it makes everyone to feel seperate, isolated, alone, untill they grasp they aren't.

Those who kick people to the landfill site are deeper in garbage. So there you have solidarity

I'm apologysing I rambled over something you don't care about.

posted April 28, 2015 07:43 PM            

On the other hand, the blue dressing may signify the baby is a male. He may signify an aspect of yourself, a tiny, helpless self which you want to calm down, and succeed in doing so.

posted April 28, 2015 11:26 PM            

I have been reading through your replies and you really do seem to have great insight.I feel that you just looked right through my soul.I really describe what I mean but its as if you I'm coming from.I'll be honest all of these dreams have managed to get under in subtle ways one way or another.I feel like something wants to bring something to my attention.I just its supposed to be giving positive learning experiences like I think it is instead of just tormenting me.

I'm going to start with some of my thoughts on some of the easier dreams to talk about first.Some of the other dreams I will need to take a bit of time to put into words.It's also a bit late here and I couldn't sleep and I have been trying to think about what to say in my replies otherwise I would have answered sooner.I'll probably go to sleep after I post this and come back later today to give my thoughts on the more difficult dreams.

You are correct when you say I have trouble escaping my hellish subconscious nature.You are right about me not being alone and that does apply to the whole world as well.There have been times I have felt that way before.Sometimes I have had trouble with family members,peers and authority figures who made things worse instead of better.Although there have been times were I have played the villain role,the rebel,the person who had the upper hand or a role where I may have tried to help others.

I think I agree about the second dream being about crossing boundries.I think the dog would indicate friendly energies but for some reason I don't think this dream was as nice as it seemed.I like animals and I probably wouldn't mind the dog being beside me but the thing is I probably would have had no idea it was there.I was probably out of it I just sort of woke and hadn't realised it was beside me.I think I felt a little bit groggy when I woke up like where am I what happened last night.Yet at the same time I don't think I was hungover or stoned.Sometimes I can be quite liberal and opened minded and some things that shock others don't have the same effect on me.I think I am mostly somewhere in the middle.I do like to be discreet and hate when others intrude on me and my privacy yet at the same time I can be impulsive,wild and end up going with the flow.In a way I have always felt misunderstood.People assume I just want attention or that I'm being difficult.It isn't that simple.All my life there have been times where I just wanted to run and hide yet I couldn't do it.I have Aspergers so to much stimulation drains me.I feel like I'm always at the wrong place at the wrong time.Sometimes I do misbehave or act in defiance but usually a lot of the time its been because people people try to scapegoat me and back me into a corner and put words in my mouth when they don't even know me or what I'm thinking or feeling.I hate being a mess and causing a scene but sometimes it just gets to much and I need to just let rip.It doesn't matter what I do.I have probably confused you when I mentioned John Waters and his cast and movies.They really do cheer me up but unfortunately like Mortville it was a very disturbing place.I do find the movies amusing in an absurd and dark manner because sometimes I get so crazy I can laugh at anything.I mentioned them and mortville to give you an insight into my humour but also to be serious at the same time.The place I was in seemed really disturbing in a way I can't put my finger on.I actually felt disturbed in the dream but I tried not to let it show so much in my writing by making it seem like I could just laugh it off like it was a John Waters movie filled with loveable outcasts.I can't remember a lot but there was just this awful presense about the place.It wasn't particularly well decorated.It was like an old town that had been abandoned but still had people living it.It was like I couldn't exactly see anything but I could just feel something was terribly wrong I think there wasn't something I could see but I could feel.It was like I knew it was one of those dreams I have to pay attention to .Its a bit like realising this dream is like a scene in a Nightmare On Elm Street movie when they start to notice subtle warnings before the boogieman shows up.What you said about the tower adds to the ominous feeling.I think in a strange way in the dream while I was having it I was having similar thoughts to what you have said.

posted April 29, 2015 06:21 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Panthera Leo:
In My first dream that I had I was thrown into a landfill site.There were other people who I didn't know who were also thrown in.There was all sorts of rubbish and there were also human corpses.I think we tried to escape but they made it difficult and had preventive measures to make sure we couldn't get out.

Later I remember waking up without clothes on a sofa beside a dog.I didn't know where I was or who the people were.I assumed it was their house.They didn't seem to have a problem walking around naked as the day they were born.I have know idea what the the situation with them was.There where other men and I think at least one woman who were naked or barely dressed.The neighbourhood we were in sort of reminded of Mortville a fictional place in the John Waters movie Desperate Living. I find Divine(Harris Glen Milstead)and others like Mink Stole and Edith Massey who appeared in his movies appeal to me and amuse in an absurd,hysterical and slightly depraved and chaotic way.I really am a freak of nature.In the last part of the dream I remember being in a room at the top of a tower in a house on a hill.I remember climbing down the stairs.I think house was pretty high up.There was man who I think was describing what It was like when the winds and bad weather come.

---

posted April 29, 2015 06:22 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Panthera Leo:
I do have my theories but would like to hear what others have to say.I remember walking through a hotel feeling confused and angry.These two men who I think I vaguely remember from somewhere grab hold of me and pin me down on the floor.I think they were angry about something.I was being held down with my face near the floor.I remember one of the getting close to my face.He was putting his weight on me and his crotch was rubbing near my rear end.I felt angry like I wanted to rip his face off although I wasn't sure if I could take him or not.I also didn't know what it was about so I also wanted to watch what I said a find out more information.I didn't care what he had to say really I wanted to hurt them regardless of what they said.I didn't care if they or I had had done something wrong.I thought they were just pests and I had bigger problems and strangely I felt like flirting and doing whatever my impulse told me to do regardless if it made sense or not.One of them said something about revenge.I think he either said"You should have been born a woman or next time you will be born a woman"
After that part I walked into a dark shop and talked to a woman.I think I was looking for a dream catcher.

---

posted April 29, 2015 06:24 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Panthera Leo:
I would like like to add another dream which I have just remembered which I had before the last dream.I was in the back seat of a car kissing and cuddling a man I didn't recognise.I was all over him like a rash.We where driving to a hotel I think.We were fully clothed but didn't seem to care about the other people in the car.I don't even really know if I had any feelings for this man but like my usual self I gave it my all.I think it was probably a casual thing and I imagine we both new that but I don't really have a problem giving someone a nice time but at the same time being totally honest and upfront about my intentions.I think we got to the place we were staying and I think we had sex in the bathroom in our room.

---

posted April 29, 2015 06:24 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Panthera Leo:
Last night I dreamt there was a baby dressed in blue.I don't know who it belonged to.For some strange reason I picked it and held it.I don't know why as I can't stand children of all ages.I love animals but children make my skin crawl.Perhaps I just wanted it to shut up for a bit.I actually surprised myself because animals that eat their young would have more parental instinct than I do.I think it fell asleep thank god so I put it down again.I really wasn't happy that the baby appeared as I feel the universe was trying to mess with me.I absolutely refuse to be anyones father or mother.

The next part of the dream took part in a classroom.There was a classmate of mine sitting beside who was trying to wind me up.I think I gave her a piece of my mind and I think found a way to get even with her.I told the teacher and the teacher told her off. I remember looking at the girl and she stared at me.She had a piece of paper and I think she was making a paper Ouija board as I could see her drawing letters and numbers and laying them out like a board.I am really sure she was making a Ouija board.I think the girl and the board are a sign that things are going to get really interesting or quite ugly.

---

posted April 29, 2015 07:33 AM            

I didn't comment on the characters from the movies since I don't know them! Sorry...

posted April 29, 2015 02:12 PM            

I'll move onto to the last dream first as its easier to explain.You were both right.I do have a casual and ardent approach to love and In a a way I found the man comforting.The thing is like most things in life there is more to me beneath the surface of things.There is a part of that is deep and a part of me wants to find Mr right.I would love to have some otherworldly movie style type love that only happens in the movies.The problem is I do think that type of love exists but the reality is it is very rare and very few people actually get that.Reality really sucks and it sucks that I couldn't be just one extreme or the other the reality is I'm in the middle I see both idealists and realist sides but I end up hating them both.I don't want to say I love you until I'm absolutely sure its a guaranteed love.I don't want to limit myself and miss an opportunity yet I just can't enjoy playing the field as much as I could.In this world you have to be able to do it all whether you like it or not.Regardless of whether I'm an easy carefree lover or devoted one that you could start a life and home with I either end up feeling trapped or not loved enough.Damn my 9th Venus in Cancer opposed Uranus and Neptune house which all are intercepted and Uranus and are Retrograded.I feel like I'm caught up between a struggle of my 3rd and 9th house planets most of which a part from my Leo Sun are intercepted.I feel like I can't access them yet feel their pull.

I'll move on to the baby dream.I do agree with you both when you said it could be an aspect of myself.I also like the idea that it could be a new start in my life it sort of reminds of the child card in the Lenormand.I can see your point that perhaps I was calming myself down.I probably would see this whole dream as positive if that girl with the Ouija wasn't in it.I didn't feel comforted by the fact the teacher told her off.The reason I don't feel safe and protected is because the teacher couldn't protect me from the hidden forces that girl was going to call up to use against me.I know I have to be careful with her but I don't intend to let her take a free shot at me.If I had to I would try find a way to spiritually defend myself.I know I have to be careful what I do as I don't want to create more bad karma or perhaps she could get the better of me or perhaps the higher powers will side with her.I know I don't have to go to war with her and there are ways I can defend myself without harming me or her.At the the same I feel like its a bit like being in the wild west sometimes your either quick or dead.I would also hate to do the right thing and all of a sudden she takes advantage of this and shoots to kill.I also have to wrestle with my petty vengeful nature which is still there within me.I also wonder is she more than a mere classmate is she a teacher or a higher power.Perhaps she really doesn't have bad intentions maybe shes testing me.I feel very conflicted about the dream.Perhaps I could reconcile with her but I'd have to be sure she isn't a threat. I'm not completely incapable of being peaceful or tolerant sometimes I smother others with love yet unfortunately I could cause and have at least attempted to cause immense destruction.I can't be sure if I have ruined others with the help of some hidden forces but I know there is possibility I have earned myself some immense karma because there have been times I at least attempted to shoot to kill.There have been times I wanted to be forgiven there have been times I have been completely unremorsefull.There are times I get so crazy I feel like I could have known what was in Pandora's box yet I could open it knowing what was in it.I feel like sometimes I just want it all to stop sometimes I think the puppet masters do more harm with their never ending cycle of creation.Why not make it all stop end eternal suffering.Let the universe all its dimensions and inhabitants and the fabric of time and space and reality dissolve into nothingness.Yet there are times I want to try and make good things happen and ask higher powers for help or guidance or try to do good to help others.Although I wonder what the higher powers have planned for me and I do wonder if they still have any time for me considering I could shoot to kill and am technically one of the bad guys as I can't go backwards and erase everything.I guess I just they would make it clear what the plan was and get on with it instead of leaving me hanging.I mean if they want to finish me off they have all the power in the universe to do so why don't they it already.All they need to do is just blast me with a bolt of lighting from the sky and the problem is solved. I'm aware the way I'm talking is callous but I can't really talk about these things as if I'm full of love and light because then I'd be a wolf in sheeps clothing.I'll be hated for telling the truth and hated for lying.The thing is I can't afford to really care how I'm perceived any more as I'm probably past the point of no return anyway.I don't lack humility and didn't have a problem with being punished for wrong doings but I did become resentful and unprepared to let any abuse their authority over me.I find authority figures love to punish me but they also to just paint me as Satan in human form.They had a habit of going completely overboard and overstepped the mark.I don't have a problem with authority but It doesn't mean I'll let you continually give me the wrong of the stick just because you have the opportunity to take advantage of your position and try to dehumanise me.Another thing that gets to me is when there were times before I reached the point of no return and needed help the people who should have helped let me crash and burn.Not only did they let me crash and burn they tried to isolate me and use me as a convenient scapegoat.They knew they could get away with scape goating me because I was already an outcast.Typically everyone was so concerned about preventing a contamination of the rest of the precious flock from a vile creature like myself the rest of the flock turned on this black sheep like a pack of rabid wolves.Even fellow black sheep turned on me.I was never perfect but there was a time were I didn't want to fight and I wouldn't have treated people the way they treated me but I felt like I got caught in the middle.I hate the way people do things like to each other but now as much I hate discrimination I am prepared to take down wolves and sheep alike to protect myself.

I'm not sure if I agree with what you said Geminikarat about wanting to settle there.The reason I feel that way is because they surroundings just creeped me out a bit and I don't know why I just felt unsure.Perhaps it wasn't the place that was wrong maybe it was me or I felt the calm before the storm.Is it possible I had a new start there but I was worried about the past catching up with me.

I would say its a possibility I want a new definition of myself Geminkarat.I did wonder who the woman was and I had wondered if the dream catcher was supposed to be some sort of hint or solution.

I think you have a point about my sexuality.It is a touchy subject for me right now.Thing is I'm just sick of everyone heterosexuals,homosexuals,bisexuals and the rest etc.Its the same with gender,gender expression race,religion and all other things I mentioned.I do want to stop the fighting but at the same time I want to scream at everyone to shut the F**k up as I'm sick of the squabbling and I can't deal with it any more.It makes me want to hurt people out of frustration as I don't want to be caught up in all this anymore. I'll do whatever the higher powers want I'll let them take me and do whatever they want just take me away from this.I'll admit that none of us should be doing the horrible things we do to each other I'll admit that they won.Perhaps I value my own sense of self over sexuality of any kind or creation. Unfortunately I still have sexual impulse and am still capable of having loving feelings.I don't think it would matter what gender or sexuality I was the puppet masters would find a way to ruin it for me.

I imagine being a woman has its pros and cons just like being a man does.Regardless of whatever sex I could be It wouldn't matter if I was a man or woman I'd still be the be the man or woman your mother or father should have warned you about.I imagine I would deal with whatever body I was in.So there isn't really a preference.Although right now sometimes I wish I had a better male body with better life circumstances a smarter,stronger ,sexier version with my personality so I could enjoy life better.I suppose some people have tried to use it as a weapon against me before which I can't stand when people do that to me.It doesn't matter if your a man or woman or in between straight,gay,bi whatever.I don't discriminate. I don't care what sort of battle a person starts once you start a fight with me you should be prepared to fight to the end.

It is a pitty I didn't find out more about the woman.

I did want to be more specific about certain things and explain myself better although at the moment this is the best I can come up with.I know I could elaborate better but its hard to get the words out.

posted April 30, 2015 04:25 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by GeminiKarat:

In my personal definition everything is energy. Hate and love are emotions and they are very close. Both emotions are very strong, the only difference is the grade of happiness that you feel and receive. Everybody can develop a unique technique to focus the energy. You like birds and I do like to read. When I read your post I only thought: “Those are beautiful words.” It reminded me of Goethe:

As I always focus on love I wish you a lot of it!

---

posted April 30, 2015 04:45 PM            

Queen
I want to break free http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4Mc-NYPHaQ

A different song with the same name as one of the songs I posted last time by different people
Arcane Station Feat Marriane Hekkalie
Make me a Bird http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLip1UCsFBY

Lisa Thiel
Healing power of the Green http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SZ6vFs9w20

Lisa Thiel
Blessings of the animals http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82d1490ZVRg

Boney M
Somewhere in The World http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O-e2O_LgK4

Lastly I believe its Walpurgis Night tonight.I wish I could go out and dance.Instead I'll probably stay home listen to this