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Author Topic:   Dream after my Mother's passing
Dancing Maenad
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posted July 09, 2015 10:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My Mom died on Monday. The older ladies told me that I can only dream of her after I eat from her funeral meal (I don't know the English proper word for it and I am not in the spirit to google it). I want very much to dream of my Mom, so I had a tiny bite of her funeral food even though there was none left for me, my aunt knew I wanted to eat it to dream of my Mom and got me a tiny piece of it. In the night after my Mom's passing I didn't dream anything, or don't remember. I didn't sleep much anyway. But I dreamed last night, only not of her.

It is tradition here to have a religious ceremony and give people food and sometimes clothes and it was on my mind yesterday. She had many clothes and I was thinking who to give them to. Anyway, last night I dreamed we were in town searching bridal shops for a gala dress to give to someone (that is odd, we usually give "normal" clothes away, not gala dresses; also, at some point during the dream I thought we were searching for an actual wedding dress, that didn't look like a wedding dress and we were not expecting it to look like one = weird). I remember one that I wanted to buy for her, that was beige and brown with golden embroidery, but we didn't buy it. I also remember a lit candle (we're not sure if she died with a lid candle as the exact time of her death is not known for sure - there is a death certificate but she was declared dead after her soul passed in another dimension; in my culture the soul does not rest if the person dies without light so we don't know if my father lid the candle while her soul was still here). Sadly when I woke up I was facing the window and my Mom used to say that if you do that, you forget your dream or most of it and I find it to be true. That is all I remember for sure right now but I am confused, what does it mean? Is she not happy with the dress we burried her in? Did she die without light?
I am sure that now that she's there she will send me messages, but I worry I won't know how to interpret them. With your permission, I am going to post them here because it helps to lay them down and have other people look at them objectively.

Thank you.

------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~

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Ra
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posted July 10, 2015 12:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello Dancing Maenad

No permission necessary. Please do post here anything you wish. I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

The dream suggests that your mother is celebrating a new reality (gala/wedding dress), and that her soul is resting just fine (lit candle), but you may not be ready for a full contact experience just yet (woke up facing window).

It will come, in time.


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GeminiKarat
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posted July 10, 2015 04:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiKarat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am sorry to hear about the loss.

I agree with Ra.

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Dancing Maenad
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posted July 10, 2015 11:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, Ra and GK!

You've always given me very helpful insight, you might not remember but you helped me with a violent dream I had in September, that was actually about her. That dream was one of the experiences that made me understand her and forgive her. I haven't updated but we eventually got closer and I am very glad I got to see her on Saturday. She died suddenly on Monday of a heart attack and could not be saved.

I know she is alright, I felt her during her funeral sermon. It was a very surreal experience and hard to explain into words, but it was like we were in conversation with one another. Only her replies are signs and symbols instead of words, but I understood. I miss talking to her. Her presence was light, calming and loving (my heart was racing before that) and so, so peaceful. It's like the light was embracing me. I know it was her.

I want to dream of her because it's the only way I can see her again. I have many regrets and things I wanted to say to her. I never got to tell her I forgave her and didn't ask for forgiveness for my mistakes either. I told her that in her coffin but it was not the same. But somehow, after I felt her, I knew this is not the end. It is our tradition for everybody attending the funeral to pass by her and say goodbye, but when it was my turn I said "see you around". Words just came out like that. I don't know if in another life or in this one - I asked her to come back to me as my child. It was her biggest wish, to be a grandma and didn't get the chance.

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Ceridwen
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posted July 10, 2015 07:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, Dancing Maenad,
I am so sorry about your loss. I can`t really find words to express how much I feel for you.
I am glad though you got closer before she died, and I am sure she knows you forgave her.

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Dancing Maenad
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posted July 11, 2015 01:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, sweet Ceri! There is much I plan to investigate about her death, including her transits and progressions. Perhaps now I will figure out her rising sign because her tob was unknown. My money is on Sagittarius but I want other people to give opinions too. It's not the time yet, though. I am hoping to hear from her soon, for her to give me a sign as I am torn before a decision I have to make. Her death was due to a professional negligence, she could have been saved but the ambulance personel didn't do their job and from the first second I thought I want to sue (I think her soul passed on when I found out). I was also adamant about an autopsy even though my father did not agree. He also does not agree to a law suit and he was the only witness. So, it's very important for me to communicate with her. I hope I will soon. She has to tell me what to do. Part of me wants justice for her and for this not to happen to someone else and the other part feels for my father, it's hard on him as it is.

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GeminiKarat
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posted July 11, 2015 02:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiKarat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It takes a lot to come to the point of forgiveness in live-time. When I said good bye to my mum there were not many words but a lot of understanding without words. I know that my mum had the freedom that she was looking for. I had a different point of few at that time and it was a difficult time. Dancing Maenad I sense that your mum is fine and stays with you as long as you want. Wherever she is now time has no meaning.

I wish you a lot of love!

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Dancing Maenad
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posted July 13, 2015 04:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you so much, GK! I am sorry about your Mum also. Indeed true forgiveness is won hard. I tried for years to do it and it's only in the last year or so that I finally managed to forgive both of them. Never would I have imagined to get this close to my father again. A couple of years ago I couldn't even look at him. I think it was one of my Mom's wishes and at least that one I could fulfill. I am only sorry she and I didn't have more time together.
I asked a medium to talk to her for me and got a bit more peace from that too. Still no dreams of her but that is alright. She told me she was confused when she crossed over because it happened so sudden and didn't know how to do it. She told me she didn't want to leave as she had many things she wanted to do and most of them were related to me. She was sorry I didn't always have the love I needed. But everything is already forgiven. The medium saw her leaning over my child (a little girl less than 1 year), so she thinks she will stick around at least until that happens. I have already decided to name my first born girl (if more than one) as my mother. She said she will not reincarnate yet, but she will continue to watch over us and guide us.

------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~

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Dancing Maenad
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posted July 22, 2015 01:48 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello all!

I am currently on vacation and perhaps that helped me with my dreams because I've had several since I arrived here, including of my Mom, at last. It wasn't as I expected, like she would come to me and talk to me and deliver me a message, it was a "normal" dream with a story.

In the previous days I dreamed I couldn't save a very beautiful girl that was once my patient. She got involved with some things/people that were out of my reach. I don't remember much about this dream, except for being in awe with how beautiful and young and healthy she was and how helpless I felt for not being able to help her and the regret of having to stand by and let her go.

In the second dream, which was yesterday I think, I dreamed I had 3 children - 2 boys and one girl, and the little girl was sick. We took her to some sort of hospital that was said to be the place where people ill like her were taken, only after I took her there it hit me they were not going to help her get better, they were going to help her die. I wanted to go back and take my little girl but couldn't enter and I had to let her go. I remember thinking.. I had three children, now that my little girl is gone, I only have two..

Now the dream from last night, that I just woke up from. Somebody hit a little girl with his car - I think it was my boss, or my father but feel stronger about my boss. For some reason though, me and my family were involved too. The little girl was in the hospital and was ok for all I could tell, and she was lying in her hospital bed fatigued. There was a trial and I think my boss confessed he hit her and the court decided on a sum of money to be given to the girl's family. For some reason, my family was supposed to deliver that money - my aunt, specifically. She was trying on a wig when I saw her, she didn't want to be recognized/associated with what happened, or accused by the victim's family when she didn't do anything wrong. I told her the wig looks bad on her and helped her adjust it. And then I saw my Mom, getting dressed in her actual wedding dress, that she was going to give to the girl's family, but she was going to wear it. It seemed like she was modelling for it on the street. She was like her younger self and I remember looking at her with my jaw dropped because she was so young, so beautiful, so radiant! She looked like in her wedding pictures for the most part. She was naked when she got dressed in her wedding dress and I was thinking she looked perfect. I always thought that when I was little, about her. I was also thinking, and was confused how she can look so good, so alive, when we just buried her a few days ago! I knew she had to go back to where she came from, I knew in my dream I only had limited time with her again. She got dressed and smiled at me - she was amazingly beautiful! My aunt helped her dress and I just watched dumbstruck. They decided I should wear the wedding coat and I put it around my shoulders. We started walking to the girl's family, all 4 of us, like the family we once were (me, my mom, my dad and my aunt). While we were walking, Mom wanted to enter an apartment building to see a patient of her (she was a nurse). I thought to myself.. she has so little time back on earth and she still wants to help people. She helped a lot of people while she was alive too. That's the last thing I remember before waking up.

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Dancing Maenad
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posted July 22, 2015 01:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I though the first two dreams were pretty clear, the patient was my Mom and I regret not being able to do anything to save her. I had the same awe about her as I did about my mom in this last dream and when I was a little girl. I think I dreamed about this woman (my patient) about a month ago and this was some sort of a sequel dream.
In the second dream, when I lost my little girl, the sentiment was the same, and the two kids left are my dad and my aunt. I remember thinking in that dream that I am going to somehow learn how to live without her and for my other two kids..

I am a bit confused about the third dream, I understand my mom is well and now she is finally wearing the wedding dress! Funny how it links to the first dream I had since she died, except the last one actually was her wedding dress. I don't understand what is the deal with the injured little girl, though. And why did she want me to wear the coat? I didn't even know her wedding dress had a coat! And who is the man she wanted to visit, her patient? She worked with kids, but this person she wanted to see was an adult..

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Dancing Maenad
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posted July 24, 2015 08:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Had another dream of my Mom..very brief, this one, I think I was maybe lucid dreaming when I saw her.
I had been walking through the streets in a very light dress, it was actually some sort of neglige, and I was thinking of going over to my bf's house (we are having some issues, including in our almost non-existant sex life). I was thinking in my head while I was walking and carrying a troller big bag that surprisingly didn't make much/any noise now that I think of it- anyways, I was thinking about all his good qualities and that maybe I am not putting enough effort into it and thought maybe I should go over to his place and surprise him. I was conveniently wearing the neglige, after all, I thought. But I went to my place instead.
When I got to my place it started getting chilly and I went off to close a window. Then I saw it was snowing! In the middle of summer! The wind was blowing hard, throwing snow through my window as I was fighting to get them closed. In my head I was hearing the words of a coworker, that I don't think meant much, basically she was rationalizing always being late for work, and my reaction of rolling my eyes at that statement. Then I heArd my front door and thought it wAs the wind again. Went over to close it and saw my Mom, smiling, like she would when she'd come visit me (I live in a different city). I suppose most of my focus was on my inner dialogue after this. I said to myself and I guess also out loud: this can't be, my mom's dead. She was with my other family members but my eyes would only see her. She greeted me and someone said it was a misunderstanding, that somebody thought she was dead and soon everyone did too (actually something similar happned when someone thought my aunt died instead of my mom and announced it on Fb.. Some people!! We were pretty upset about that and the general rumours that went around after mom died). I thought: nice try, I saw You! My mom's dead, I saw her body! I stood up as if to protest and woke up for good. Then I felt sorry I didn't go with that scenario as I would have seen more of her, at least.. She looked like herself in her final years, but not precisely like when she died. Her hair was longer and she looked less tired. I only had a couple of seconds with her and they were a lie my unconscious mind wanted to tell me.

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GeminiKarat
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posted July 25, 2015 07:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiKarat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
As I have time today you are the first. I will try my best to give you my opinion on your dreams.

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GeminiKarat
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posted July 25, 2015 04:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiKarat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Dancing Maenad: posted July 22, 2015 01:48 AM

In the previous days I dreamed I couldn't save a very beautiful girl that was once my patient. She got involved with some things/people that were out of my reach. I don't remember much about this dream, except for being in awe with how beautiful and young and healthy she was and how helpless I felt for not being able to help her and the regret of having to stand by and let her go.

Dream 1
Please read it as an opinion:
This dream describes the reprocessing act of “letting go”.

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GeminiKarat
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posted July 25, 2015 04:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiKarat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Dancing Maenad: posted July 22, 2015 01:48 AM

In the second dream, which was yesterday I think, I dreamed I had 3 children - 2 boys and one girl, and the little girl was sick. We took her to some sort of hospital that was said to be the place where people ill like her were taken, only after I took her there it hit me they were not going to help her get better, they were going to help her die. I wanted to go back and take my little girl but couldn't enter and I had to let her go. I remember thinking.. I had three children, now that my little girl is gone, I only have two..

Dream 2
Please read it as an opinion:
This dream could indicate that your personal girl in you is gone. With the death of a mother you grow on an emotional level.

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GeminiKarat
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posted July 25, 2015 04:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiKarat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Dancing Maenad: posted July 22, 2015 01:48 AM

Now the dream from last night, that I just woke up from. Somebody hit a little girl with his car - I think it was my boss, or my father but feel stronger about my boss. For some reason though, me and my family were involved too. The little girl was in the hospital and was ok for all I could tell, and she was lying in her hospital bed fatigued. There was a trial and I think my boss confessed he hit her and the court decided on a sum of money to be given to the girl's family. For some reason, my family was supposed to deliver that money - my aunt, specifically. She was trying on a wig when I saw her, she didn't want to be recognized/associated with what happened, or accused by the victim's family when she didn't do anything wrong. I told her the wig looks bad on her and helped her adjust it. And then I saw my Mom, getting dressed in her actual wedding dress, that she was going to give to the girl's family, but she was going to wear it. It seemed like she was modelling for it on the street. She was like her younger self and I remember looking at her with my jaw dropped because she was so young, so beautiful, so radiant! She looked like in her wedding pictures for the most part. She was naked when she got dressed in her wedding dress and I was thinking she looked perfect. I always thought that when I was little, about her. I was also thinking, and was confused how she can look so good, so alive, when we just buried her a few days ago! I knew she had to go back to where she came from, I knew in my dream I only had limited time with her again. She got dressed and smiled at me - she was amazingly beautiful! My aunt helped her dress and I just watched dumbstruck. They decided I should wear the wedding coat and I put it around my shoulders. We started walking to the girl's family, all 4 of us, like the family we once were (me, my mom, my dad and my aunt). While we were walking, Mom wanted to enter an apartment building to see a patient of her (she was a nurse). I thought to myself.. she has so little time back on earth and she still wants to help people. She helped a lot of people while she was alive too. That's the last thing I remember before waking up. [/B]

Dream 3
Please read it as an opinion:
This dream indicates that there are still some debts (=money transfer) that you know of(=wig) from your aunts side. The wedding dress is an indication of tradition/union and the injuries from the little girl to the adult. Maybe your mother wanted to heal?

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GeminiKarat
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posted July 25, 2015 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiKarat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Dancing Maenad: posted July 24, 2015 08:57 PM

Had another dream of my Mom..very brief, this one, I think I was maybe lucid dreaming when I saw her.
I had been walking through the streets in a very light dress, it was actually some sort of neglige, and I was thinking of going over to my bf's house (we are having some issues, including in our almost non-existant sex life). I was thinking in my head while I was walking and carrying a troller big bag that surprisingly didn't make much/any noise now that I think of it- anyways, I was thinking about all his good qualities and that maybe I am not putting enough effort into it and thought maybe I should go over to his place and surprise him. I was conveniently wearing the neglige, after all, I thought. But I went to my place instead.
When I got to my place it started getting chilly and I went off to close a window. Then I saw it was snowing! In the middle of summer! The wind was blowing hard, throwing snow through my window as I was fighting to get them closed. In my head I was hearing the words of a coworker, that I don't think meant much, basically she was rationalizing always being late for work, and my reaction of rolling my eyes at that statement. Then I heArd my front door and thought it wAs the wind again. Went over to close it and saw my Mom, smiling, like she would when she'd come visit me (I live in a different city). I suppose most of my focus was on my inner dialogue after this. I said to myself and I guess also out loud: this can't be, my mom's dead. She was with my other family members but my eyes would only see her. She greeted me and someone said it was a misunderstanding, that somebody thought she was dead and soon everyone did too (actually something similar happned when someone thought my aunt died instead of my mom and announced it on Fb.. Some people!! We were pretty upset about that and the general rumours that went around after mom died). I thought: nice try, I saw You! My mom's dead, I saw her body! I stood up as if to protest and woke up for good. Then I felt sorry I didn't go with that scenario as I would have seen more of her, at least.. She looked like herself in her final years, but not precisely like when she died. Her hair was longer and she looked less tired. I only had a couple of seconds with her and they were a lie my unconscious mind wanted to tell me.



Dream 4
May I ask:
Do you associate A. with a name?

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Dancing Maenad
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posted July 29, 2015 04:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, GK! Sorry for getting back so late, there have been power outages in Istanbul and therefore no wifi. It makes sense, but I am not sure about the girl in me dying though. My bf said something similar (he is trained in Jungian psychology), but during this vacation I think the little girl came out more than any other time, maybe even more than my childhood. It is weird, in some ways I feel an orphan, but in others I feel freed.. My mom was a very restricting force in my life, hence why we had our problems. I had another dream yesterday, not of my mom, but rather violent and the weird part was that I was aware I was dreaming and wanted to wake up but couldn't.
The A was a typo because I am writing from my iPhone, plus it was about 3 AM when I woke up from that dream and rushed to write it down. However, A is my initial.
Thank you again for all your help! I am slowly making a bit more sense out of all of this, but there are also times when I break down or even get angry at her for dying like she did.. It's gonna be a long process.

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GeminiKarat
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posted July 30, 2015 08:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiKarat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It is good to hear that you have a friend around! I did not hear anything about the power outages in Istanbul, but I do not watch TV that much. Everybody has a special memory and a different point of few whenever a mother/father dies. I became aware that life has an end. The inner child finally grew up. Then again, I was free again to work on my inner child that had never a chance of existence. The inner child came up. Even in this year I got back to my inner child, healed it and gave him a beautiful existence within myself. In my personal opinion there is nothing confusing or weird about your dreams. This is a progress and you will find many people that keep a special memory to this event in the life. I have one.

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Dancing Maenad
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posted July 31, 2015 02:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, GK! I just woke up from another dream, it seems my bridal theme is evolving. This time, I was getting married! It was just in the preparation stage and I was buying various items for the wedding, there were people who told me what to get just like when we burried my mom. For some reason, the wedding was in Germany and I was worried about carrying everything across the border. Then I realized I have to buy the dress and I pictured one in my head, like general guidance. It was all very rushed and sudden, I was worried I won't find one perfect for my size and that there is no time to get a customed dress. I also worried it would get ruined in the baggage or that it would even fit next to everything else. Then the matter of shoes came up and someone (my current bf, I think - and I think it was him I was marrying) advised me to get something comfortable since I would be on my feet all day during the wedding. He said shoes don't matter and are not even visible (I was going for a long dress) and I might as well wear white snickers. I thought neah, maybe just get two pairs, one that looks great for the beginning of the ceremony and ones that are more comfy towards the end. I woke up with the intention of going to buy them, but I never actually seen the dress or the shoes, except in my head when I was thinking what I want to get. I was worried when I woke up.. Why do I have to go through a passing ritual?! I got worried it may mean I am going to die now too. Now that we got to that, I've had horrible panic attacks since mom died.. I flew 3 times since she died and it's just horrible during the whole flight. I was getting used to flying, I've done it quite a bit in the last few years, but when I first got on a plane after she died, I was terrified and started shaking! I always keep anti-anxiety pills with me in my purse, as well as my inhaler, even though I very rarely use them, but I am scared of panic attacks. I took a pill but only when we were taking off and it took a while before I calmed down. That half an hour until the pill kicked in was horrible! I became terrified of my own death, or that someone else might die suddenly and it's on my mind when the phone rings. My vacation ends in 2 days and I worry about my flight. I intend to medicate myself, but last time one pill wasn't enough. I worry about that, too. I didn't want to get back to meds, my aunt took sleeping pills because she used to get up at 4-5 AM after mom died - we all did, but my father and I occasionally get some sleep in the afternoon so it was better, she couldn't sleep at all.
I guess I also dread going back, back to all the sadness and having to comfort other people. This vacation, though initially after she died I thought about cancelling, was a godsent. I got some peace and quiet, some relaxation, even some fun during these times. My inner child came out quite a bit during it, as well. Now I must go back to being serious, and sad. And lonely, I feel lonely since she died, even though we didn't spend much time together. Now I just can't be by myself, it's horrible.

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GeminiKarat
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posted August 01, 2015 01:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiKarat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
That half an hour until the pill kicked in was horrible! I became terrified of my own death, or that someone else might die suddenly and it's on my mind when the phone rings. My vacation ends in 2 days and I worry about my flight. I intend to medicate myself, but last time one pill wasn't enough. I worry about that, too. I didn't want to get back to meds, my aunt took sleeping pills because she used to get up at 4-5 AM after mom died - we all did, but my father and I occasionally get some sleep in the afternoon so it was better, she couldn't sleep at all.
I guess I also dread going back, back to all the sadness and having to comfort other people. This vacation, though initially after she died I thought about cancelling, was a godsent. I got some peace and quiet, some relaxation, even some fun during these times. My inner child came out quite a bit during it, as well. Now I must go back to being serious, and sad. And lonely, I feel lonely since she died, even though we didn't spend much time together. Now I just can't be by myself, it's horrible.

Please do not forget what the medium told you

quote:
Originally posted by Dancing Maenad on July 13, 2015 04:54 AM:
But everything is already forgiven. The medium saw her leaning over my child (a little girl less than 1 year), so she thinks she will stick around at least until that happens. I have already decided to name my first born girl (if more than one) as my mother. She said she will not reincarnate yet, but she will continue to watch over us and guide us.

You are protected and your mom is around.

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Dancing Maenad
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posted August 03, 2015 05:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you, GK! I just woke up from another dream, it seems my bridal theme is evolving. This time, I was getting married! It was just in the preparation stage and I was buying various items for the wedding, there were people who told me what to get just like when we burried my mom. For some reason, the wedding was in Germany and I was worried about carrying everything across the border. Then I realized I have to buy the dress and I pictured one in my head, like general guidance. It was all very rushed and sudden, I was worried I won't find one perfect for my size and that there is no time to get a customed dress. I also worried it would get ruined in the baggage or that it would even fit next to everything else. Then the matter of shoes came up and someone (my current bf, I think - and I think it was him I was marrying) advised me to get something comfortable since I would be on my feet all day during the wedding. He said shoes don't matter and are not even visible (I was going for a long dress) and I might as well wear white snickers. I thought neah, maybe just get two pairs, one that looks great for the beginning of the ceremony and ones that are more comfy towards the end. I woke up with the intention of going to buy them, but I never actually seen the dress or the shoes, except in my head when I was thinking what I want to get. I was worried when I woke up.. Why do I have to go through a passing ritual?! I got worried it may mean I am going to die now too. Now that we got to that, I've had horrible panic attacks since mom died.. I flew 3 times since she died and it's just horrible during the whole flight. I was getting used to flying, I've done it quite a bit in the last few years, but when I first got on a plane after she died, I was terrified and started shaking! I always keep anti-anxiety pills with me in my purse, as well as my inhaler, even though I very rarely use them, but I am scared of panic attacks. I took a pill but only when we were taking off and it took a while before I calmed down. That half an hour until the pill kicked in was horrible! I became terrified of my own death, or that someone else might die suddenly and it's on my mind when the phone rings. My vacation ends in 2 days and I worry about my flight. I intend to medicate myself, but last time one pill wasn't enough. I worry about that, too. I didn't want to get back to meds, my aunt took sleeping pills because she used to get up at 4-5 AM after mom died - we all did, but my father and I occasionally get some sleep in the afternoon so it was better, she couldn't sleep at all.
I guess I also dread going back, back to all the sadness and having to comfort other people. This vacation, though initially after she died I thought about cancelling, was a godsent. I got some peace and quiet, some relaxation, even some fun during these times. My inner child came out quite a bit during it, as well. Now I must go back to being serious, and sad. And lonely, I feel lonely since she died, even though we didn't spend much time together. Now I just can't be by myself, it's horrible.

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Dancing Maenad
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From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014

posted August 06, 2015 04:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ahhh, I see what happened with this post. I was trying to reply from my phone and the silly thing reposted my previous post. How odd!

I wanted to thank you, GK, I saw what you wrote a bit before I left for the airport and it made a lot of difference! The flight was good, I was scared a bit in the beginning but it was nothing compared to how I felt initially. I calmed down.

You helped me so much!

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GeminiKarat
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From: Austria
Registered: Jun 2014

posted August 06, 2015 12:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GeminiKarat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
YESS! You made it!
I thought that you were nervous and wanted to reply. You are a strong person and this fear can be very strong .

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Ra
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Posts: 1478
From: Kentucky
Registered: May 2009

posted August 09, 2015 11:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What a great series of dreams! I agree very much with GeminiKarat.

The first three dreams reflect the processing that your mind/psyche is undergoing. Issues concerning guilt, obligation, and responsibility are being dealt with as you are learning to "let go".

I think the little girls in the dreams have a two-fold symbolism. In some ways, the little girls represent your mother, as you recognized, and in some ways they represent an aspect of yourself, as GeminiKarat opined. They are that "little girl" aspect of yourself which is attached to/connected with your mother. Now that your mother is gone, so too goes the little girl. As GeminiKarat said, this aspect of yourself is now open to emotional growth.

I think the wedding dress coat symbolizes the new beginning that belongs to both your mother and yourself, and the adult man represents someone else who needs help/healing in the same way you do, perhaps your father?

The "visit" dream may have been brief, but it is beautiful. It is a classic visitation. It begins as a normal dream dealing with normal, everyday issues - boyfriend, intimacy, "frozen" emotional energies (snow) - but everything changes when your mother appears. The energy of the dream changes and it feels very different than the previous ones … wouldn't you say? Your mother kind of hijacked the dream in order to pay you a visit. "… saw my Mom, smiling, like she would when she'd come visit me …" That is exactly what she is telling you, that "I have come to visit". It is beautiful.

This is just how I have experienced visits from loved ones. There is the appearance, the inner dialogue, the gradual realization, the almost tunnel-vision focus on the loved one, and then the waking up. Don't feel sorry about not sticking with the scenario, it is almost impossible to do. You woke up because your mind was becoming aware that what you were experiencing was not entirely a dream, and your mother wanted you to know that this was not simply a dream-creation, but her very real self.

The bridal dream does indeed represent the evolving process of your grieving/healing. You said "It was just in the preparation stage" which is a good description of this stage of the process. The dream indicates that your psyche is preparing for a change/transition (wedding), for the "marriage" of masculine/feminine aspects of self. This sort of change naturally brings to the surface various anxieties, fears, and emotions (worried, rushed, finding shoes/dress, etc.), exposing them so that they can be recognized and healed.

Thank you for sharing your dreams!

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Dancing Maenad
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Posts: 3023
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014

posted September 20, 2015 02:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dancing Maenad     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you so much, Ra! I am sorry for replying so late. I've gone through a period of time in which I felt like not talking as much about her and her death.
I relate a lot with what you said and your insights and GK's have helped me a lot dealing with losing her. I am indeed going through an important transformation, in some ways I feel her death woke me up fully to life, because I feel everything much more intensely, like I haven't done in decades, if ever. Good and bad. I am no longer repressing anything, I just let them run their course through me and experience them fully aware. I have never been able to do that before and I don't think it would've been accessible to me if I hadn't gone through the experience of her death. I still have bouts of depression and one was particularly hard on me, when I lost my job and my relationship was a bit rocky due to my bf's health problems. But I am okay again. I often wish I still had her around to talk to her and ask her opinion, but other times I feel her death has allowed me to finally be free to be ME. I felt like I had an obligation to her to be who she wanted me to be.. In some ways, her death has liberated me from that. It feels insensitive to say that, but a part of me feels a bit of relief also.. It's such a crazy mix of feelings..

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