posted August 19, 2016 04:23 AM
I don't know enough to hazard a guess, but I thought I'd share part of a dream I had before that might inspire you to think of what your own dream means for you. It was a time in my life when I was learning new ways of looking at the world and new ways of being, plus someone was trying to make some cosmetic changes in me (to appear more girly with dresses and makeup) that irrationally brought up some anxiety as I felt to embrace my feminine side would weaken me and make me a target. (If I explain this this will become an essay and I don't want to do that.)
And in the dream I was leaving (representing my journey through life) a college (representing learning from diverse backgrounds for me) when I was ambushed by a twin of me. Only rather than having short blonde hair while wearing a casual shirt and jeans like me, she had long, curly black locks, makeup, and wore a dress. I fought with her and won...at one point I point I shot her, but I was careful not to kill her, only to wound so she couldn't attack me, and then I dragged her under a bush so that she couldn't be found (and harmed). I then went on my merry way.
I got home, went to the bathroom to wash up, and caught my reflection...it was the twin I had defeated. I thought I was beautiful with my long, curly locks, but it was such a mind job that I defeated this person but here she was looking in the mirror out of MY eyes, and it was so startling that I came awake with that dream haunting me a long time.
I now know that she was the "feminine" I repressed in myself because I bought into the message everyone gave that "female is victimhood." She not only was feminine but her hair was black because she was my dark side, the forbidden (the dark side doesn't necessarily have to be evil, the dark side of many men can be their softer, sensitive side that they try to suppress, for example). I suppressed the part of me she represented because I was trying to keep "her" (and thus me) safe. And yet she was in me all along, and what I was starting to realize is that femininity did not make me weak, submissive, or anything of that nature, and in short I was slowly letting that part come out in me to be a more complete person, to integrate the part of me I tried to keep down.