posted December 16, 2021 08:14 PM            

But then it started to swim right up to the shore, and I followed it, and it turned out to be a baby Orca. It seemed to wanted to be petted, so I started petting it. It was nice feeling sharing love and affection with it.

posted December 19, 2021 07:39 AM            

For example, I just dropped her off at the airport. She wanted to go to Mexico during her vacation, and she'll be gone past Christmas, while I'll be home. She was like, Christmas isn't that big of a deal for either of us. Perhaps somewhat true--we don't care for the corporate/consumer side of it all that much, but we both love and gravitate towards Yeshua in a non religious way. But she was rationalizing her somewhat selfish/inconsiderate decision. I half jokingly started singing Elvis Presley's "Blue Christmas" when the subject would come up. Half jokingly.

I'm not saying that she doesn't ever give to me. She does to some extent, and probably more than most who have had childhoods like her's was (a cold, lacking in love and affection, difficult and somewhat abusive one with both parents, but especially her mother [dad was more absentee]). She developed a somewhat, mild narcissistic like personality and various heart guards/defenses from her childhood (her mom is a hardcore narcissist), and is more of a taker than a giver, especially emotionally and energetically.

She will rub my back or the like, if I ask for it, but generally she expects me to do it for her most of the time. She rarely just does it spontaneously, whereas for me, it's expected of me and like a ritual. Similar sexually, I'm more the giver. While I really enjoy pleasuring her and the like, sometimes it's nice to have someone spontaneously do that for you, rather than having to ask for it very occasionally.

I've realized that it is generally my lot in life to give more to others than what others give to me. I have always experienced this, except for my younger childhood years with my mother who did give me a lot of love until she met my step father whose birthday is August 8th. I was 8 when they met, I think. That's when my life radically changed in a lot of ways.

I've resigned myself to this pattern/archetype. It is just part of my vibratory pattern. Guidance has shown me in multiple messages and in multiple ways and from both within and without, that I'm a much older/mature Soul than most in the earth, and this is what happens when that is the case. I have enough self love, my time here is for others and service, not for self.

posted December 19, 2021 09:25 AM            

Part of the issue is, most people keep me at a distance, and I've gotten used to that. And the ones who don't, tend to be more extreme taker types and I don't want that in my life either.

posted December 19, 2021 12:25 PM            

I'm more like the woman than the man though. I'm more like a woman in some ways, than a man in general.

I hope the woman of the account can find what she is looking for, if that is what is best for her spiritual path/growth process.

posted December 19, 2021 01:30 PM            

You're interacting with me via a somewhat detached medium. There is some energetic connection of course, but it is not quite like when you are person to person.

I have a handful or so of soulmates in my life. People I was close to in other lives, other dimensions, etc. People that I have deeper, personal love bonds with, such as the Scorpio Sun woman that I have spoken of in the semi recent past.

But even with these, I'm kept somewhat at a distance. My energy is intense and overwhelming for people in any longer periods of time. People can only handle short exchanges at a time. And I am put somewhat on a pedestal at times. I've had people tell me things like, "I've never met anyone like you before".

Then again, there are some on the earth that are like me. I've met a couple--and one is a primarily internet friend that lives in the state of CA. But we are so far and few between. Literally one in billions type ratio. My friend in CA had almost the exact same guidance dream as I had, where he was at a school (i.e. Earth) that he didn't normally go to. He was helping the other students, but when he tried to connect more deeply and personally with them, there was no interest, and he felt lonely. But he focused on service. He became aware that he was much "older" than the other students (and this is why there was a lack of interest in getting closer to him).

Literally almost the same exact dream that I had. I've had guidance dreams about him and he has guidance dreams about me, speaking to our mutual, unusual potential, past, or the like. I had one dream where I was at a like a spiritual gathering/party, and I was talking to Bruce Moen (who I met a couple times in person), and Bruce told me intently, "go find John, he is more intune than I". At the time, I considered Bruce pretty intune and somewhat put him on a pedestal.

Longer story shorter, it was about the above friend. But he lives in CA which is on the other side of the part of the country where I live, and we're both introverted (him more so than I), and such a connection can only go so deep.

posted December 19, 2021 03:15 PM            

Hmm, Capricorn and women. Well, it is a Yin/feminine sign, and Cap Sun and Moon's in particular are known to be strongly affected by the mother or mother figure fairly often. Yes, I do think it helps that I had a close, loving, mostly positive relationship with my mother, or at least until my step father entered the picture. My mom and I shared the same b-day, and a connection to a non human group as well as are part of the same larger, service Soul group.

And astrologically speaking, certainly doesn't hurt that Venus rules my Moon and is in my 7th in a wide opposition to my Asc, with an extremely close sextile to Neptune and trine to Pluto.

But perhaps more fundamentally and directly, my Soul is slightly polarized to the Yin/feminine itself*. So even though I'm connected to a male body, I understand women fairly well, being strongly in touch with the Yin/feminine side of consciousness. It's partly why I am very intuitive for one connected to a male body (though lifetimes of a lot of meditation and spiritual attunement have also amplified this).

*My soul is about 51/52% Yin to about 48/49% Yang. Someday hopefully I'll get it to that perfect balance of 50/50% wherein they completely merge and one transcends each and both.