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Author
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Topic: Dreams and signs that have led up to this
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Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 11, 2022 01:55 AM
  
So much has hit the fan in my marriage. I realize my husband is an emotional vampire, who hates himself, and just kicks me when I’m already down. I’m done. IRL(in real life): his wedding band was starting to tear. He then had a dream that his ring broke. I think it was I was starting to think about leaving him. That’s all for now but it’s a lot OF MESSAGES. IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Moderator Posts: 3848
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 11, 2022 08:34 PM
I hope you take care of yourself and take some time and space away so you're not drained. Perhaps by distancing yourself you'd have a clear perspective, some added layer to the emotional turmoil you're at right now.And it is a lot of messages, but they might be reflecting both you and your husband's hidden wishes and fears just as well (what you might secretly wish for, freedom from a painful situation, he might dread). IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 21, 2022 01:07 AM
Also the fact that my gut acts up whenever he is near and talks to me. My body is physically rejecting him since I’ve been emotionally checked out for some time. IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Moderator Posts: 3848
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 23, 2022 12:14 AM
Your body, and your gut in particular, are powerful signifiers. You can trust them to know what you need, and what to avoid.IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 26, 2022 09:21 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ayelet:
Your body, and your gut in particular, are powerful signifiers. You can trust them to know what you need, and what to avoid.
since leaving and coming back to my home state I realize it's also "toxic people" the ones who pretend to be good, but have unresolved issues and are projecting, selfish people, people that are more amused at the drama of me than my actual well being. Talking to the right people makes my guts not hurt. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 26, 2022 09:28 PM
I did a pumpkin painting at my friends. I first did a heavy makeup pumpkin. I used water paint so one pumpkins eye it looked like make up tear. On the other side I made my husband's face. I think that was a very subconscious cry for help. I would think this is bad energy to have in a living space. A crying pumpkin. But I still kept it a few days after Halloween anyway. Plus that pumpkin represented how I actually felt. Well one day I broke down and cried that my health wasn't getting better being with my husband. I was leaning towards divorce. I knew I needed space. That's when I said enough is enough and threw that double headed pumpkin that represented my married to the extended stay dumpsters. As I was walking the pumpkin to the dumpster two coins shined in a row leading to the dumpster. I picked up one of the coins on the way back and later found a dime. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted December 11, 2022 08:22 PM
The luggage carts at the extended stay with my husband. They were UNMOVABLE and I always felt like such a spectacle using them. I would use them for luggage and groceries. BUT when I used them to bring all my stuff down to my car to leave him...the luggage carts moved smooth as a baby's butt! IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Moderator Posts: 3848
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 11, 2022 09:51 PM
I guess when you do the right thing, it can go smoothly. I wish you much happiness. Hopefully walking the way of least resistance should prove beneficial.IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted January 06, 2023 10:50 PM
Thank you very much Ayelet! I have gratitude for everyone who cares and wishes me well. I am not going through the easiest time, but I do feel and receive it, it makes all the difference. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted January 06, 2023 11:16 PM
I learned from a nurse at the hospital that emotional abusers want to get a reaction from their victim. Each month I experienced being more and more mentally checked out. To the point of not giving him a reaction for the usual stuff. I actually was charging the citrine in the window. It was the first jewelry he's ever got me. He is aware that I do things like this. While he doesn't do these things himself, he usually tolerates it or makes fun of me. After not giving him the reaction. He goes over to the citrine necklace charging in the sunlight. Picks it up and throws it on the floor and gives me a mocking stare. I probably gave him a crazy look. But later I realized that this incident was symbolic of his own self sabotage. I say this because this is a necklace he got me. Gifts can be like "ownership" over people. A token of affection, you get the picture. I just thought of something else that this is symbolic for....Citrine represents the sun. This person has always tried to beat the light out of me in subtle ways...in attempts to keep me in his control. But I am too petty in nature and he actually ended up doing the opposite. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 170335
From: I hold a Juris Doctorate (J.D.) and a Legum Magister (LL.M.)!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 21, 2023 07:30 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Stawr:
I learned from a nurse at the hospital that emotional abusers want to get a reaction from their victim. Each month I experienced being more and more mentally checked out. To the point of not giving him a reaction for the usual stuff. I actually was charging the citrine in the window. It was the first jewelry he's ever got me. He is aware that I do things like this. While he doesn't do these things himself, he usually tolerates it or makes fun of me. After not giving him the reaction. He goes over to the citrine necklace charging in the sunlight. Picks it up and throws it on the floor and gives me a mocking stare. I probably gave him a crazy look. But later I realized that this incident was symbolic of his own self sabotage. I say this because this is a necklace he got me. Gifts can be like "ownership" over people. A token of affection, you get the picture. I just thought of something else that this is symbolic for....Citrine represents the sun. This person has always tried to beat the light out of me in subtle ways...in attempts to keep me in his control. But I am too petty in nature and he actually ended up doing the opposite.
IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Moderator Posts: 3848
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 22, 2023 06:43 AM
I just saw your recent message here, Stawr. I know it's been a while, my apologies. It must have been a challenge to deal with your partner's, or ex partner's, provocations or attemts to control you. You're right, he only achieved the opposite with this behavior. Perhaps he couldn't deal with what he didn't understand. Perhaps he wanted you to be a certain way, and you being different let him feel powerless. Maybe he already felt you're drifting away from him, and tested you to see if he still has any influence over you. Whatever were his motives, he could not have stopped the inevitable, your freedom, which, as it seems, does not include him anymore.
By knocking down the citrine to the floor, it was as if he declared his love to you was conditioned. So many relationships are like that, even without such demonstrations. It is your right to seek better terms for yourself.IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted February 26, 2023 09:41 AM
Last week I had night visions of his face. I believe the next day or two I learned that he was in town. He left yesterday back to the state he is working. Nature looks more beautiful and I feel better. IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Moderator Posts: 3848
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 26, 2023 06:04 PM
That is so good to hear, Stawr. You deserve this relief and tranquility ❤IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted February 27, 2023 11:36 PM
That reminds me I lit a peach candle in the summer. That shade is suppose to be symbolic for tranquility. The candle started sparking and the flame got to big. I've read that can mean the intention is blocked in someway. IP: Logged |
Ayelet
Moderator Posts: 3848
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 02, 2023 09:56 AM
Well you can light a new candle and see how goes. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted March 27, 2023 12:39 AM
Also our first apartment was near the nursing home my abusive grandpa stayed in. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 8361
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted April 08, 2023 10:06 AM
When I went into "our" bank to update back to my maiden name. There was music playing like "please don't go" when I walked in. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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