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Author Topic:   Capitalism Explained
Sheaa Olein
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posted July 15, 2004 09:39 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
More humour for the soul. Got this sent to me today, made me laugh! (Posted in Free-for-all too)

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

* You have two cows.
* You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
* The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary
to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
* The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
* Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
* The public buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.
* You drink wine.
* You make love.
* You sleep the afternoon away.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them WorldWide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A SWISS CORPORATION
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.

The irony!

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Sheaa Olein, previously Known as the Knowflake 'Special'

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jwhop
Knowflake

Posts: 4984
From: Madeira Beach, FL USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 15, 2004 10:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for jwhop     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry, I couldn't resist Must have been Clinton who was bought and on whose watch all those accounting irregularities occurred because the Bush Justice Dept has been relentlessly prosecuting Enron execs along with the scam artists from other corporations.

Of course, I knew you weren't actually saying Bush was bought by Enron, now were you?

"ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
* The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary
to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
* The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
* Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
* The public buys your bull."

Enron's Lay indicted

Former Enron CEO indicted by grand jury in Houston, says he's "done nothing wrong."
July 7, 2004: 7:32 PM EDT

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - Former Enron Chairman and CEO Kenneth Lay has been indicted by a grand jury in Houston, his spokeswoman confirmed Wednesday................

To date the federal government has launched 30 separate prosecutions related to Enron's implosion, including a criminal case that brought down auditor Arthur Andersen two years ago and criminal probes of about 20 former Enron employees. Of those, 11 have resulted in convictions or guilty pleas.
http://money.cnn.com/2004/07/07/news/newsmakers/lay/

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Sheaa Olein
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posted July 16, 2004 04:39 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oooo.. no perish the thought!! That'll be sure to have left an even bigger hole in Enron, surely! Now bout the public buying the bull...

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Sheaa Olein, previously Known as the Knowflake 'Special'

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TINK
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posted July 16, 2004 08:26 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh Jwhop, for Christ's sake, stop charging around on your mighty steed defending the fair maiden Bush for just one damn minute and laugh at good joke.

lighten up big guy

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Randall
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From: Saturn next to Charmainec
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posted August 30, 2011 09:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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"To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." Aristotle

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Randall
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posted September 05, 2011 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We should have a string titled: Socialism Explained.

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I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be.

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Randall
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posted September 05, 2011 03:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We should give equal time with a string titled: Socialism Explained.

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I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be.

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Randall
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posted September 05, 2011 03:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Test

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Randall
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posted September 06, 2011 09:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oops.

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I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be.

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Randall
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posted September 07, 2011 12:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks, Juni.

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Randall
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posted September 14, 2011 01:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What is the workable definition for socialism?

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Randall
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posted November 25, 2011 10:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
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posted January 02, 2012 12:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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juniperb
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From: Blue Star Kachina
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posted January 06, 2012 12:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
What is the workable definition for socialism?

Not jwhop

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Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~Rumi~

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Randall
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posted January 07, 2012 02:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
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posted March 14, 2012 11:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*bump*

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Randall
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posted March 15, 2012 08:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yep, the opposite of Jwhop.

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