posted October 23, 2004 02:45 AM            

During the second presidential debate, John Kerry said: "I ask each of you just to look into your hearts, look into your guts. Gut-check time. Was this really going to war as a last resort?"

How about this for "gut-check time": When you close your eyes, can you see the Democrats defending America? Because I can't see it.

These are the people who are obsessed with getting the French to like us. They call terrorism a "nuisance," like prostitution and other petty crimes. ("Hundreds of Children Killed in Chechnya by Nuisance," "British Civilian Beheaded by Annoyance," "9-11: What a Hassle!") They babble about nonexistent civil liberties violations under the Patriot Act.

If Gore had been elected president, right now he would just be finding that last lesbian quadriplegic for the Special Forces team.

During the second presidential debate, Kerry droned on about the civil liberties crisis in America under the Patriot Act (which he voted for). He claimed to have "met a man who spent eight months in prison, wasn't even allowed to call his lawyer, wasn't allowed to get – finally, Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois intervened and was able to get him out."

Pity he didn't meet Abdullah Mehsud, a guy who spent two years in Guantanamo before being released and is now in Pakistan strapping dynamite to Chinese hostages.

Bush said he had met a man, too: "Grant Milliron, Mansfield, Ohio. He's creating jobs." Which one of these candidates is more likely to put the wood to the terrorists?

Kerry explained his "plan" to prevent terrorists from getting nukes, saying, "We've got to join with the British and the French, with the Germans, who've been involved, in their initiative." (This guy's got more plans than MCI.) We may lose the war on terrorism, but by God we'll get the Europeans to like us!

Kerry told the New York Times he could "do a better job" in the war on terror – which Kerry adviser Richard Holbrooke says is not a war at all, but a metaphor ("Thousands Die in Attack by Metaphor").

He would do a better job, Kerry said, "most importantly – and I mean most importantly – of restoring America's reputation as a country that listens, is sensitive, brings people to our side, is the seeker of peace, not war, and that uses our high moral ground and high-level values to augment us in the war on terror, not to diminish us."

Imagine President John Kerry at the Berlin Wall. "Mr. Gorbachev ... I challenge you to get to an emotional place where you can imagine a different kind of non-wall reality, that fully respects the 'wallness' of your current reality, yet takes us on a spiritual journey in which ..."

Republicans are more simple-minded, but for some things you want to be a little less contemplative, a little less nuanced. In a war against rabid savages trying to nuke Manhattan, you want a policy more along the lines of: Kill 'em! Republicans will shoot burn and bury the terrorists. Kerry will give them a speech.

In his convention speech in August, Kerry's idea for the terrorists was this: We'll give them a faux-WASP, stentorian honker of a speech. Striking fear in the hearts of Islamic lunatics everywhere, Kerry said he would say this to the terrorists: "You will lose and we will win. The future doesn't belong to fear; it belongs to freedom." (Kerry's speechwriters are now throwing key words like "future" and "freedom" together in various combinations in hopes of stumbling upon something the senator actually believes in just by random chance.)

Yes, that's how to capture terrorists: Put them to sleep with a long boring speech. Osama bin Laden would escape before the speech is complete. Only a liberal would imagine this is what you say to a terrorist in his moment of fear and dread. Who does Kerry imagine will be giving this speech exactly? Kevin Kline? How about the Marine who catches bin Laden's associates saying something along the lines of, "Hey, dirtbag!" before smacking them across the face with a rifle butt?

(If Israel plays its cards right, perhaps Kerry would even draft a speech for them to give suicide bombers: "You will lose and we will win. The future doesn't belong to fear; it belongs to freedom," blah blah blah.)

Better yet, let's use a Kerry speech to torture them into revealing where and when their next attack will be! Ten minutes of that snoozefest convention speech would have the most hardened Islamic fanatic begging for mercy and spilling his guts. Now, that's my idea of a "gut check."

As if it means something, Kerry keeps vowing: "I will never stop at anything to hunt down and kill the terrorists." But he will stop at the Iraqi border. Or if the French and Germans aren't on board. Or we don't have United Nations approval. Or it would require investigating a Muslim under the Patriot Act.

posted October 23, 2004 02:54 AM            

Here's what the vigilant viewer of Tuesday night's debate would have learned: You should vote for the Kerry-Edwards ticket because John Edwards' old man used to learn math off of the TV. Dear Diary: Went to a vice presidential debate Tuesday night and an "Oprah" show broke out.

Too bad Mr. Edwards didn't teach his son John that $119 billion (money actually spent on the Iraq war so far) does not equal $200 billion (money John Edwards claims has been spent on Iraq war so far), or that 700 Iraqi military deaths (actual number of Iraqi deaths in war to remove Saddam Hussein) is greater than zero (number of Iraqi deaths acknowledged by Edwards).

After Dick Cheney had beaten Edwards about the head for a while during the debate, Edwards waved his girlish hands and said: "There are 60 countries who have members of al-Qaida in them. How many of those countries are we going to invade?"

The Democrats' silver-tongued boy thought he had made a very clever point. In fact, I believe this is the first time we've gotten any Democrat to admit that the entire al-Qaida terrorist network is not living in a narrow mountainous path between Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Democrats are now on the record: 60 countries harbor al-Qaida. But apparently the one nation that had managed to entirely purge itself of all al-Qaida members was Iraq – under the great statesman Saddam Hussein! Iraq is the only country in the world liberals believe was hermetically sealed from al-Qaida.

Not only would the Democrats not have attacked Iraq, they would have given Saddam Hussein an award for having so thoroughly rid his nation of al-Qaida members. (And I know these Democrats are very proud of their superior manicures, but someone should tell Edwards to keep those girlish hands down.)

When asked to comment on the Israel-Palestinian conflict during the debate Tuesday night, Edwards had another personal story:

Now, if I can, just for a moment, tell you a personal story. I was in Jerusalem a couple of years ago, actually three years ago, in August of 2001, staying at the King David Hotel. We left in the morning, headed to the airport to leave, and later in the day I found out that that same day, not far from where we were staying, the Sbarro Pizzeria was hit by a suicide bomber in Jerusalem. Fifteen people were killed. Six children were killed.

A strange psychological compulsion compels some people to inject themselves into all historic events. On cross examination, it generally turns out they were not actually in New York City on 9-11, but had visited New York a week earlier. They did not march in Selma, but knew someone who knew someone who did. They were not near the Sbarro Pizzeria, but in the same country where it happened.

John Edwards managed to turn the deadly bombing of the pizzeria into another story about himself. On the basis of his brush with death, Edwards concluded: "What are the Israeli people supposed to do? ... They have not only the right but the obligation to defend themselves." (The scariest part of the story was that Edwards just had his nails done at the manicure place next door to the pizzeria that very day!)

So are we to surmise that if Edwards had not been at the King David Hotel the day the Sbarro Pizzeria was blown up, he would not think Israel has a right to defend itself?

Cheney did not need to stay in the King David Hotel to know what to do about ruthless suicide bombers. He said: "With respect to Israel and Palestine, Gwen, the suicide bombers, in part, were generated by Saddam Hussein, who paid $25,000 to the families of suicide bombers. I personally think one of the reasons that we don't have as many suicide attacks today in Israel as we've had in the past is because Saddam's no longer in business."

Edwards lamely boasted, "I would find terrorists where they are" – but not in Iraq, the one nation miraculously free of all al-Qaida terrorists – "and stop them and kill them before they do harm to us." For some reason, Democrats always feel the need to proclaim that they would kill terrorists too – just like they must constantly proclaim their support for "the troops."

Edwards expressed his support for "the troops" by describing the brave men fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan – the war liberals claim to support – as evidence of America's decline. In his rousing closing statement – about himself again – Edwards said, "Here's the truth: I have grown up in the bright light of America." (Technically, it was the not-such-bright-lights who sit on juries that turned Edwards into a multimillionaire trial lawyer.)

"But that light is flickering today," he said. (Or is that the light from the tanning salon?) As evidence of the flickering light of America, Edwards said: "You see it when you sit at your table each night and there's an empty chair because a loved one is serving in Iraq or Afghanistan." How precisely is the Kerry-Edwards team going to "find terrorists where they are and stop them and kill them before they do harm to us" – if no one is going to be away from the dinner table doing the capturing and killing?

posted October 23, 2004 06:32 AM            

She seems to love to aimlessly strike down anything and everything that comes her way, like a cross-eyed nun with a whip and a bottle of gin!

I don't blame those guys for throughing pies at her, but I think that it's a great thing that they got arrested for throughing pies rather than stones!

She better watch out for getting too chummy with the prez, we all know what happens to those who do such a thing, first they're usefulness gets used up quickly and then they get disposed of by either end up unemployed and homeless, or dead somewhere in a very fatal accident, all coordinated by "Big Mama" Barbara Bush!

"Son, you do the dicing, I'll do the slicing!"

If I was her 5th grade grammer teacher, I would just shave my head and learn to walk backwards instead!

Confusion amongst the Coulters must be Father's day!

Ask her if she was in the same room when her mom was having a baby and if she says no, then ask her what did her mother do, "...hang her @$$ out the window?"!

Is she one of those suckers that still insistantly believe that both of Dubya's parents come from two different families?

posted October 23, 2004 04:32 PM              

(as I said on another post I myself, have cleaned so many pies off my TV screen, after watching her run at the mouth )