Posts: 6867
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted March 01, 2005 04:27 PM         

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Would you shun as we sway
as I feel out your day
I try to really grasp the words you say
but they are only words
and lace
laced, I should say, with your voice
thick leather lashing your throat
I surrendered to you, and it was an equal pairing.. so long ago.
But you know
I never really did surrender
I was an open peach blossom in your hands
so large, and full of me, I decided to see
if you could be
all those things I'd dreamed in your absence
that movement inside my body,
my belly just knew you were coming
so I named you
I knew you were you before I knew your name
so even if you weren't really... you were
I gave birth to the idea of my soul's mate
as surely as if I'd ripped you from my womb
all gilded and perfect
my fantasy delivered
these eyes are rosy yet tinged with a new thorn
in my side, inside
you are all these things for all these years for all my fears
and of course, these tears
they only know how to leave my body,
as so many of my illusions, they fall.
I write you out with a pompous thrill
I know these words will not really kill
this indecision or this tender devotion
that comes when I think of marking my ocean
Or journeying from this place
Our space
I do so many wrong things
I play grown up with lipstick on my face
I made these people, I made them mine
I owe them and I want them
but I don't know how I got stuck
with my fourth house and mars and uranus
making waves on my sun.
on the surface
and then I pretend like I know what it means to just go
and my heart breaks a thousand times
for my unwillingness to actually throw
this towel down
I told him I wished I were a hermit
who could visit and love (but not have to be faced with the pride numbing concept of making all these wrong choices for the people that mean the most to me)
I wanted to be a hermit
but he said I need a permit
and he says he can't let me do that
(again)
So much so much
and too little
sure, he can see my heart as it rolls down my cheeks
I let him in and he fixes the leaks
but he doesn't really see
just this version of me
as usual
I think I don't even see.
Me

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Posts: 71
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 01, 2005 05:23 PM         

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xx
Kt

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love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
William Shakespeare

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Posts: 515
From: Vic, Australia
Registered: Jan 2004

posted March 01, 2005 05:26 PM         

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"And dreams, don't ever forget, are the first step in manifesting wishes into reality"-- Linda Goodman's Star Signs

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Posts: 641
From: New York
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 01, 2005 05:33 PM         

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That is so beautiful Pix

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Posts: 298
From: California, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted March 01, 2005 07:09 PM         

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You said we should ignore it, but couldn't help but read and love it. You should've posted it under a different name. Haha I really must stop complimenting you..but your so sweet so you deserve it That was beautiful dawling. And its fun trying to figure out the meanings. They're sometimes mysterious like the scorp you are. But usually by the third time reading it, everything is clearer. Then I feel very accomplished like when you solve a puzzle Thats how the greats did it! (poets)

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Posts: 641
From: New York
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 01, 2005 07:11 PM         

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I got it ... completely. I also know who its abt ...

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Posts: 6867
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted March 01, 2005 07:21 PM         

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Ohhhhhhhhh... who?
No jedi-mindtricks here, pretty straight forward.

Thanks for reading and commenting.
I know.. the title is a little.. lacking.. but I needed to get something out and didn't wnt to inundate you all with a waterfall of my emotions. ( Must be the sixth house Cappy Moon) I don't want to impose.

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Posts: 641
From: New York
Registered: Dec 2004

posted March 01, 2005 07:37 PM         

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You know who - I wrote in the other post ... whatever you say, pix, I can tell what fireworks look like when I see them - you guys give me goosebumps with your chem

And knowing you, its no surprise!

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Posts: 6867
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted March 01, 2005 08:19 PM         

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hahaha.. I admire your pioneering romantic spirit, but it was a current currant.. not a past one.. or. it was a past one in the sense that it started almost seven years ago. It's about my current sitch. with ma man.

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Posts: 6064
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004

posted March 01, 2005 08:56 PM         

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quote:

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my belly just knew you were coming
so I named you
I knew you were you before I knew your name

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Loved that. I've said the same thing in different words.

I really felt this one pix.

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Posts: 298
From: California, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted March 02, 2005 12:34 AM         

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Oooh I sensed it was your hubby, yay! Can I take a stab at it??

Your worried about not being perfect for your family,sometimes masking your fears and/or desires with a composed facade. Now that you've been married 7 yrs, your feeling a need to rediscover your seperate identity and sort of break free. Maybe your afraid your missing apart of YOU that should Know by now,because you've become mom and wife. You believed your man to be your soul mate and put him on a pedestal when you fell in love, but overtime the equality of power has shifted more in your direction and your feeling the guilt? You're still madly in love, but your heart's crying out for more room for expression. You can't stand limits. Am I even close?

You can just disregard that psychoanalysis if I'm off base. I just had fun with trying to solve the puzzle

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Posts: 6867
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted March 02, 2005 12:39 AM         

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That's pretty much right on, Leosweetheart.
You're good!

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Posts: 298
From: California, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted March 02, 2005 12:57 AM         

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Yippy!! I did it!! I do feel accomplished.

I know you were just expressing yourself for catharsis, but can just offer a little comfort. I don't think your alone. I'm sure many mother/wives feel that same anxiety. And can I say I admire that you still make time for your life's passions..by singing and writing (and I'm sure that list extends knowing you). Because so many give their dreams up. You are a beautiful free spirit Pixie, but you also make a beautiful mom and wife Theres no reason to stop searching deeper for more of your hidden beauty..that will always be YOUR space. I think each relationship helps you discover more of yourself.

Sorry for the unsolicited comfort. I'm supposed to be a girl and just listen not offer solutions But if it helps any, it was worth it

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Posts: 6867
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Aug 2003

posted March 02, 2005 01:07 AM         

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Thnks for the comfort.. it's nice to receive as well as give.. thanks

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Posts: 298
From: California, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted March 02, 2005 02:21 AM         

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Anytime Pixie Sweets

back at ya

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