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Author
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Topic: what to do..what to say...ramble onward then
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leo_on_fire
Knowflake Posts: 97
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted June 06, 2005 12:11 AM
 
Ya know, there is a time when all things have a moment of nothing.
A stalemate if you will, a time when it all seems to have no where to go.
But what you don't know is that no matter how you look at it, no matter how you try to negotiate your path, there is always something you don't see.
Even the most observant souls tend to miss what is most important in a puzzle.
And when we finally do see it, it is like a smack on the forehead.
As if to say "duh".
It was there the whole time yet we missed it the hundred or so times we looked for it.
Love is alot like that.
You take blind steps, never really knowing where it all goes.
What really happens when you leave your loved one.
Do they think of you?
Do they dream of you as you dream of them?
Questions like that run through and through, over and over.
And do we ever get an answer???
Come on, be honest.
Do you have an answer?
This unsurity that eventually, everyone of us feel, is it supposed to remain forever paradoxical?
What a trip.
Run with your heart, they say.
Do what you feel is right, they say.
What they always forget to tell you is that the pitfalls are deeper than anything ever felt before.
Darker and scarier than anything every experienced.
When does this sudden exploding happiness occur??
The one that the fairytales warn us of??
I want that.
I thought I had that, I am sure that if one day I ever get my answers, I will have that.
You see, this man and child I treasure more than life, don't know what it is I feel for them.
I'm the girlfriend, daddy's "special friend."
Oh boy, that hurts.
It is worse when the man you love looks you in the eyes and says "I'm not the marrying type. I never want to go through that."
Well, thats nice, but what do I get to say about all of this??
I yearn to yell out DO YOU SEE IT?
I don't care if he tells me thanks but no thanks.
That doesn't change the fact that in all of my life, I've never offered to die for someone.
I've never felt the want or desire to love someone that much.
HAHAHAHAHA I always had crazy thoughts about dying for someone.
The kind that let you know that NOPE this ain't love.
Not the unconditional type anyway.
But this...this is something special.
This is something else.
And I'm so afraid I've lost myself to the one person who can't accept the gift I offer.
The one I don't want back because in all honesty, I never wanted it to begin with.
Frustration at its best people.
____________________________
xx
Kt------------------
love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
William Shakespeare IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 1046
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted June 06, 2005 12:22 AM
*And I'm so afraid I've lost myself to the one person who can't accept the gift I offer.
The one I don't want back because in all honesty, I never wanted it to begin with.
Frustration at its best people.*Me too, me too. I haven't gotten to spend much time with him lately and things have been rough so he came over tonight. Fell asleep on my couch 45 minutes later and tomorrow he'll wonder why I'm ticked. I have feelings for him that I didn't ask for and he told me today that every time he opens himself up to anything, (anything... this has nothing to do with me) it goes awful for him, so he won't do it anymore. Not even for me? (We've been together a year) Nope. He's the marrying kind. But if that's the way it is, then so what! Sorry about my ramble to your ramble... LOL. Just thought I would say I can relate. Sucks, doesn't it.
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Bluemoon
Knowflake Posts: 981
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005
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posted June 06, 2005 09:06 AM
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leo_on_fire
Knowflake Posts: 97
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted June 06, 2005 11:08 AM
ohhh future hun, feel free to ramble on to my ramble. I think I like that idea..make this post a ramble of your personal mind/heart/ or perhaps just something you need to say. Thank you for understanding...
xx
Kt------------------
love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
William Shakespeare IP: Logged |
26taurus
Moderator Posts: 8050
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted June 06, 2005 01:19 PM
Love yourself leo. Learn to be happy alone or you wont be happy with another.  IP: Logged |
whiterabbit
Knowflake Posts: 543
From: all over the place
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted June 06, 2005 08:51 PM
this makes me think of a line from a song:
"it's only when I lose myself in someone else, that I find myself..."
Kind of a dangerous place to be. It seems like you have a giant heart which is being just nodded at- acknowledged- when it should be fought for and worshiped.
I don't know- relationships are crazy like that.. knowing when the pain is worth it and when it's really not.
Anyways, love your writing, it's so honest. IP: Logged |
future_uncertain
Knowflake Posts: 1046
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted June 06, 2005 11:49 PM
Thanks, leo-on-fire. I apologize for ranting on your thread, but I'm glad to see that you weren't offended!So how is this going for you now? IP: Logged |
leo_on_fire
Knowflake Posts: 97
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted June 07, 2005 04:56 PM
26 mwah i understand what you are saying and here is my reply..i've never been able to love someone without being 100% sure of myself first...without being 100% sure that THIS is the person I am and am i happy with it? yes..i am...White...mwah to you too...it is a frightening place to be...to scary to ponder but eventually it has to be done...i don't like where my thoughts take me...but I can say that it is more than worth it to see them two smile at me... future..i like you..lets be friends  ...err..to answer that last question...i still don't have any answers...does that cover it? thx all for posting...mwah mwah mwah...i love you guys
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xx
Kt  ------------------
love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
William Shakespeare IP: Logged | |
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