Posts: 136
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004

posted June 20, 2005 10:20 PM         

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Words I never wanted to hear
issued forth from your mouth
two days ago.
Something about being just friends,
taking a break for a while,
just staying like we were...
not seeing each other and only speaking on the phone when necessary.
In a nutshell, we are over.
Even without you saying it, I feel it
in my heart and it kills me.
You have hurt me more in the past month
than I have ever been hurt in my life.
Some of it I can't blame you for and some
of it I can.
But mostly I tend to blame myself for
not being what you needed,
for not being the best girlfriend I
could be,
for not telling you how I felt.
But you have to look inside my head
to know why I never spoke those 3 lil words to you.
I was so afraid that you wouldn't be able to
accept them.
That you wouldn't want me too.
That you would some how make it impossible for me to give you everything I am.
And now when I think about everything,
I feel that familiar pull in my stomach
and that familiar sting in my eyes
anf I feel those tears streaming down my face.
But only when I'm alone.
I could never show the world that I am dying because we have a bad case of crossed wires.
I could never show the world that I am dying because I can't find the right words in my heart to tell you how I feel.
I could never show YOU that I am dying because instead of fighting for it when you asked me if I was ok with what you had said I said "I guess I have to be."
I don't think I could hate myself more than right now in all of my fear and pain and confusion because I HONESTLY have no idea what a break means to you.
I honestly have no idea what you mean when you say friends.
I honestly have no idea why I love you so much when I know so little about the inner workings of your head.
I am scared but instead of hoping you will come to my rescue, I have to willingly let you go.
I have to watch you walk away for an indefinate amount of time because even though it hurts in my heart, I want only the best for you and her and I know that where ya'll are going is the BEST.
So this has nothing to do w/ la femme.
That is ok.
I love her more than anything too.
But sometimes I just need to know where I stand in her daddy's eyes...do you understand?
And right now, I see you are losing yourself in order to see her through.
And it scares me to see you slowly lose everything you have held so tightly.
She is getting well but instead of you getting well with her, you are cutting ties with everything you ever held dear.
Me included.
And right now, I am crying and dying and wishing with all of my heart for you to come to your senses and realize that you don't have to remove your own happiness in order for her to be happy.
She is happy when you are happy.
And I don't understand why you are refusing to let yourself be happy.
I have a gut feeling that I have lost the best things that have ever happened to me and I can't stand that.
I hate that.
I can't live with that.
I am refusing to live with that.
And tomorrow when the sun rises, I will fight for that.
But first I need to know how to stop the tears to keep you from seeing them ....

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love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
William Shakespeare

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Posts: 420
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted June 21, 2005 07:06 AM         

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Posts: 1220
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted June 21, 2005 01:31 PM         

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Posts: 272
From: Tn. USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted June 21, 2005 08:38 PM         

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