Posts: 157
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004

posted August 04, 2005 01:15 AM         

---

I lost my place
along the way
and now I've given up.
I sat down and
made my home in
the very place
that scares me so.
The problem with this
you see is that I'm
comfortable in my
own pain.
I've known it
long enough to be
unconcerned with
trivial things like
hogging the covers
or snoring too loud.
With my constant
trickling thoughts
and invisible tears,
I know I have nothing
to be embarassed about.
There is no reason to
be worried about a
stretch mark or
if I have something
in my teeth.
And that seems to
be the only reason
I can come up with
about why it is I'm
so wary of leaving
this pain somewhere
away from me.
I don't have to speak
unless absolutely
necessary and even
then I can speak in
monosyllabic peace.
I never have to share
myself with the world
and therefore have
no reason to get hurt again.
My own twisted logic
astounds me.
But I am functioning right?
Even if I am only
going through the movements
I'm making them so
what does it matter?
Let me tell you then...
For all the mess I
just tried to feed you,
I really know that
there is no life worth
living if you don't live.
And I'm not living.
But I don't know how
to dig my way out.
I'm frightened beyond
belief at how
robotic I seem.
The person I am right
now is not the person
I really AM.
I come off as cold
something I've never
been accused of being
before now.
I don't smile and
it takes all of
my energy not to
constantly hate
myself for allowing
a simple man to
affect me so.
I can't honestly
say it is his fault
but I can say he
helped me find this
place when he walked
away.
I am comfortable
in this only
because I am too
scared to know any
other way.
I can go on
existing purely
by mechanics and
I don't have to
allow my emotions
to dissolve me again.
I don't have to
dress up and hope
I remembered to
floss that morning.
I am no one important
when I am here.
I am just another breeze
in the wind.
And for some reason
I find that cozy.
I know that until
he comes home, and
I talk to him again
as a "friend" I'll
never really have closure.
I'll continue to be
the bionic woman and
I'll contiue to hate myself
for that.
This is no cry for help.
I am not desperate.
I am merely exhausted
and I need something to say
and I need an audience
to say it to.
My cozy lil place is
rather lonely.

------------------
love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
William Shakespeare

IP: Logged

Posts: 142
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005

posted August 04, 2005 01:24 AM         

---

Leo on Fire,
would yoy like a reading, your screaming to be heard, I hear, how may I help you?
Love and Light

IP: Logged

Posts: 585
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted August 04, 2005 04:13 AM         

---

IP: Logged

Posts: 157
From: Heiskell, TN 37754
Registered: Dec 2004

posted August 05, 2005 05:00 PM         

---

lol..just tell me i'm not crazy and that being this hurt is normal and i'll find that to be all the help i need...xxxxxx

Kt

------------------
love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.
William Shakespeare

IP: Logged