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Author
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Topic: ~fly~
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pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 1826
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted September 19, 2005 12:58 PM
 
This is more than a movement
this transient wave
blessing my untouched skin
blushing with knowing prophesy
before I could count those chickens
they are counted for me
eggs growing without fear
if they crack, it will be part of a cycle
a wave that was meant
to cement
this growing awareness
so when I flush with joy and
cry with vaulted salted tears
I see them not from this now
but distanced by coming years
and this perspective is a way that calls
like the Tao of my Soul.
A Way I know this ball will roll.
It gathers momentum as I push it gently
and if it is wrong
(it isn't)
I am blind
because you can live in fear long enough
and live in complacency
until you overfill your cup.
and you can drink nothing up
just spill
and wonder why you are wet
or you can take a bet
because it feels right
this night
beyond last night or tomorrow night
How do you explain right?
you just take flight
and open your eyes
and you feel the sorrow with depth
and you feel the joy thats wept
coming together as they should
'when you leave your safety and livelihood
just for a glimpse of something good.
If this is falling
I can fly.IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 3381
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted September 19, 2005 01:27 PM
Oh Pixie........no words..........just wishing for....  IP: Logged |
Bluemoon
Knowflake Posts: 2267
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005
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posted September 19, 2005 02:42 PM
 IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 1826
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted September 19, 2005 03:52 PM
oh, maybe a little of
but this is actually optimism.
seriously!IP: Logged |
Sun_Scorpion
Knowflake Posts: 1505
From: Devon, UK
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted September 19, 2005 07:28 PM
For you and your beautiful poem Pixie! IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 3381
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted September 20, 2005 04:27 AM
Spread them pretty wings girl............    IP: Logged |
Saturn's Child
Knowflake Posts: 806
From: Just left of center
Registered: May 2004
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posted September 20, 2005 06:50 PM
Pixie..I believe you can.... IP: Logged |
sweetlibra
Knowflake Posts: 723
From:
Registered: Oct 2004
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posted September 21, 2005 05:26 AM
Pix, you inspire me a lot.
When i read your poems, i enter into another world  IP: Logged |
whiterabbit
Knowflake Posts: 876
From: Never, Never, Never Land
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted September 21, 2005 09:08 AM
'course you can. IP: Logged |
whiterabbit
Knowflake Posts: 876
From: Never, Never, Never Land
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted September 22, 2005 02:35 AM
pixie,
thought this was a nice, quiet and private place to ask. I was browsing through Soul Unions, where I don't usually wander..
What is happening these days?IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 1826
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted September 22, 2005 10:02 AM
I am realizing, because I have a safe place to talk about this, with a friend who understands.... I am realizing the things I have been talking about for years don't go away. My friend seems to be my yardstick whether he likes it or not. He is a catalyst and whether we will be 'friends' or not, in the future, I know that what happens NOW is happening because I can't just identify things that I find unnacceptable, yet ignore things and wonder why the reasons aren't bigger.. like i have to justify my unhappiness by others standards.
I have evolved beyond my present circumstances. So I am working toward completion, and closing a chapter. But because there is love and respect involved, it is harder to justify with no hate.. just understanding... even though we are not right for each other and I feel like I am wasting time now, the longer I wait, when no positive changes happen, because they can't, because it is at a level that transcends 'fixing'. We are wrong for each other.
We have a life together.
We have to somehow share and separate.
I do love my husband. Maybe while I love him, is why I feel the need to act.IP: Logged |
whiterabbit
Knowflake Posts: 876
From: Never, Never, Never Land
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted September 24, 2005 10:01 PM
I suppose you wouldn't make this decision if you weren't certain. I must be used to people needing drama and broken vases to actually act and change a situation that simply isn't good anymore. I send you love and support, and I hope that you enjoy both your flight and perhaps a future landing, somewhere *right*.. if you should choose to land.
Here is a song for you, written by Syd Barrett, performed by many..Well I feel like an old hobo,
I'm sad lonesome and blue
I was fair as a summers day
Now the summer days are through
You pass through places
And places pass through you
But you carry 'em with you
On the souls of your travellin' shoes Well I love you so dearly I love you so clearly
Wake you up in the mornin' so early
Just to tell you I got the wanderin' blues
I got the wanderin' blues
And i'm gonna quit these ramblin' ways one of
these days soon
And I'll sing The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs... Well it's times like these
I feel so small and wild
Like the ramblin' footsteps of a wanderin' child
And I'm lonesome as a lonesome whippoorwill
Singin these blues with a warble and a trill
But I'm not too blue to fly
No I'm not too blue to fly cause The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs... Well I love you so dearly
I love you so fearlessly
Wake you up in the mornin' so early
Just to tell you I got the wanderin' blues
I got the wanderin' blues
And I don't wanna leave you
I love you through and through Oh I left my baby on a pretty blue train
And I sang my songs to the cold and the rain
I had the wanderin' blues
And I sang those wanderin' blues
And I'm gonna quit these ramblin' ways
One of these days soon
And I'll sing... The littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.... **I don't care if the sun don't shine
I don't care if nothin' is mine
I don't care if I'm nervous with you
I'll do my lovin' in the wintertime IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 1826
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted September 25, 2005 10:25 PM
Awwwwwwwww. Thank you!
As usual, when it comes to matters of the heart, I change as circumstances dictate. I am happy this weekend. AND we actually communicated, and talked about breaking up realistically.. all the reasons intact.
With this perspective, we walked through it, and found we enjoyed each other.
So.. we'll see.
When those times come, and I know they will.. we'll see if something comes of it.
As far as the connection goes.. Maybe it is a test, maybe it is a glance at my future.. It is significant ( but not timely!!!) and I want him in my life. I'll take him howeve I can get him, maybe it's perspective and appreciation... I dunno. *sigh*
It's not time yet I guess.IP: Logged |
whiterabbit
Knowflake Posts: 876
From: Never, Never, Never Land
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted September 25, 2005 11:58 PM
quote:
As usual, when it comes to matters of the heart, I change as circumstances dictate.
and what else would make sense, after all.. with matters? Anyone who cannot adapt and respond to the winds cannot survive in that "desperate kingdom". I am glad that you are happy this weekend. I am glad that you are able to communicate openly and still have so many paths to choose from. That this love of yours isn't a yoke.. I hope (and know!) that the direction things go in will be the right one. Not because of "fate", but because you've thought it through and have been honest and true to yourself (and him) through and through.
good luck, sailor! IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 1826
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted September 26, 2005 12:14 AM
Thank You!!! *Supreme hugs*I thought I'd share an extraordinarily accurate reading I just did, based of course, upon this topic.
EEEEeeeeeery!!! 1. How you feel and what you are aware of
DEATH
You are fearless in the face of change. Take up a new direction. Get rid of unnecessary emotional and material baggage. You are the only person who knows your true needs and desires, and therefore the only person who has any sense of what might be needed to fulfill them. Live each day consciously - be awake to life's possibilities.
In the moment you feel a severe loss of face. All you are losing is the mask you have been wearing to protect your inner feelings. Having become conscious of the truth, you can trust your unadorned features. (Okay, maybe a little eye shadow is in order.) 2. What is happening right now
TEMPERANCE
Even maturity can work for you in matters of the heart. What a concept. Watch out though. You may start reading each other's minds. Veils are interesting. 3. Destiny
THE DEVIL
The outcome depends on unseen factors. Do you homework and prepare carefully, but be ready to act without hesitation. Success may depend on spontaneity. 4. What you want
THE TOWER
You have been caught in a trap of your own making. Now you are free to move again, albeit in the context of major change.
You feel stricken by changes that you don't understand and did not foresee. Take those feelings personally, as they are from deep within you. 5. What has created the present situation
THE LOVERS
The urge for independence has presented intense conflict. Your ego is challenged to connect your spiritual life with your everyday activities, thereby achieving harmony within yourself and a new relationship with others.
Past decisions, no matter how difficult, were for the best. If you doubt this, try to imagine yourself intentionally making a wrong choice. Remember, only you have to agree with yourself. Only you can identify your intent. 6. How to proceed
THE FOOL
You set out in a new direction, filled with boundless energy. The goal is as yet unclear, so use your imagination. All things seem possible as you fearlessly forge ahead. You are unstoppable.
Listen! The voices within you are old. that they do not rattle through the air and beat on your ears does not mean they are frail, any more than the light of candles is weak ... when it shines to reveal your way. 7. Your role in the relationship right now
THE EMPEROR
You penetrate to the bottom of all situations, using conscious, logical means. People can see the effort of will in your activities and come to trust your perceptions and decisions because they know you get results. 8. Current factors affecting your relationship
THE CHARIOT
You have self-assurance and a place in the world. You might think you are above error, but that is where you are wrong. Enjoy the recognition that comes your way while avoiding smug self-satisfaction. As a gate is necessary to the function of a wall, so is discrimination necessary for mastering your will. Although the exercise of higher values is not necessary to every success, lasting attainment is hinged upon it.
Other people offer you honor and recognition that is well-deserved. it is time to collect your medals, but refuse any promotions. Stay in the fox hole. No guts, no glory. 9. What will help the situation
THE SUN
Your love shines for everyone to see. You feel that everyone returns the love too. At this time your greatest power lies in the freedom to express your feelings openly. You want to share your joy with a partner and you get the chance to do so. 10. What will the relationship produce
THE EMPRESS
Inaction will lead to unpleasantness. Hence you need to make your plans become reality. In other words, do something even if it feels wrong - you can make adjustments as you go along. IP: Logged |
maya-v
Knowflake Posts: 1534
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted September 26, 2005 07:31 AM
Pix!!!!!!!!!!! I love you!!! And miss you a lot!Write to me if you can and tell me whats up with ya! IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 1826
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted October 06, 2005 09:06 AM
Welllll........
Day by day indeed.. but now that it has really started, I feel both pain and relief.If this is a mistake, then it is one I have to make. I know it, though it breaks my heart to break the heart of a very special person.. but I think in a way I am not breaking him, this, us.. I am forcing us to make things better.. alone or separately.. and for that I am relieved..
So I will cling on to this when I see him cry, and when it touches me, the depth of what I am 'losing'.
It will be a struggle.. but now that he has accepted, and taken action instead of denial again, or avoidance, or blind devotion and pretense....He is handling this very well.
I don't know how I am..
I am physically and emotionally exhausted.
On my menses, crampy, working like crazy, not resting, this is truly a challenge and a test. My feet are literally swollen on the metatarsels.. thats how much I am on my feet. *sigh*
He has talked to very supportive friends and will be moving in with them, so the kids can stay at home.. originally I was moving out.
We'll see how it goes......
Such a wierd mixture of this fated feeling.. you know the one, where even though everything 'seems' wrong, and it tugs at your heart and soul, you know it is actually right, so it doesn't dislodge you from action, no matter how convincing it is to keep being 'easy'.
Exactly seven years from engagement to breakup. Such a wierd realization.
Blows my mind. IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 3381
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted October 06, 2005 09:13 AM
PixieDo you have support where you are....family, friends to lean on....and would you consider taking some remedies like the bach flower stuff.....really helped me in the past.....if it wasnt for all those magic potions,counselling, healing etc .....girl...Id barely be alive..... Hope you dont mind the suggestion its just that it can be such a shock, the transformation and you may need a little "something extra"..... Love you God bless Sue xxx IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 3381
From: ireland
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted October 06, 2005 09:16 AM
Hey Pix....and I got my period too......ooohhh kindred ones often flow together....LOL !!! Some research done showed that nuns often menstruated at the same time cos they were in such close proximity of each other........now I aint saying we are nun like.....but........ xx IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 1826
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted October 06, 2005 10:03 AM
Well.. you are my 'sister' but I am NOT taking the vow of celibacy. (I have a feeling either are you)
Well.. I suppose it's an enforced celibacy I will be undertaking right now.. I know I can do it.
Thanks for the support. I truly appreciate it.
Yes, I do have friends and a support system.. the timing is messed though...
In Canada, Thanksgiving is on Monday..... so we have these family functions to go to... might just skip it this year... too awkward and sad and I don't want to explain. Though he loves and is a part of my family....
Then my daughter turns five on the 16th... a party for that.. then my birthday on the 28th.........
All these new things undertaken in a new way........
I know it will be a challenge.. but I have never been afraid of that.IP: Logged |
Lialei
Knowflake Posts: 129
From:
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted October 06, 2005 01:39 PM
for you, pixelpixie ~~~
Understanding
You are out of jail, out of the cage; you can open your wings and the whole sky is yours. All the stars and the moon and the sun belong to you. You can disappear into the blueness of the beyond....Just drop clinging to this cage, move out of the cage and the whole sky is yours. Open your wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.
In the inner sky, in the inner world, freedom is the highest value - everything else is secondary, even blissfulness, ecstasy. There are thousands of flowers, uncountable, but they all become possible in the climate of freedom. Osho Christianity, the Deadliest Poison and Zen… Chapter 6 Commentary:
The bird pictured on this card is looking out from what seems to be a cage. There is no door, and actually the bars are disappearing. The bars were an illusion, and this small bird is being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others. It is spreading its wings, ready to take flight for the very first time. The dawn of a new understanding - that the cage has always been open, and the sky has always been there for us to explore - can make us feel a little shaky at first. It's fine, and natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness. Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread your wings and be free.
(from Osho Zen Tarot) IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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