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Author Topic:   jah love for lost years
opiumchild
Knowflake

Posts: 3
From: hillsboro, OR
Registered: Dec 2005

posted December 17, 2005 03:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for opiumchild     Edit/Delete Message
My room floats. It has an island of visions in the middle of a garden like dollhouse. It talks in dreams. My mirror is the heavens, watching me in my little world. The and bed and pillows are soaked in hippies eden colors bursting like a rainbow tunnel. I write thoughts to a being I’m not aware of

I miss you so much. I need to hear you, to feel you, taste your, see you. I need to breathe you in.

If I could only describe to you what's going on inside my head. In small ways I've tried, but obviously not well enough. You still don't understand my mind or heart, though at least you acknowledge that you don't understand.

How can I tell you why I curl up in a ball and cry randomly, why I freeze when you try to touch me sometimes, why I stare off into space and don’t hear you asking me over and over what's wrong. I told you a little about my mom's ex, but I haven't even gone close to what happened. It's just, I don't know. What if I tell you but you don’t see it the way I do, and you only pity me, and love me, instead of seeing why it really affected me so much.

It's still too early to talk about it. I'm so sorry…

This is what I feel right now------
I'm a child, naked and alone in a room with no windows. The walls are stone and the floor and ceiling is cold metal. I'm crouched in the corner with my hands over my face, trying to block away my incessant thoughts and feelings. I'm so cold. I'm scared. I don't know where I am, why I am here, I don't even know who I am. I curl my feet and pull myself closer to the corner. I'm hiding from nothing, and im scared of being scared of what I can't comprehend.
And then you open the wall, and I see you, and your so beautiful to me, you are my god and savior, I want you to possess me. I want to curl up in your arms and breathe in some of you exquisite essence and taste you. I want to be your cat girl and you my Master. You bring me the forests, the oceans, pictures of exotic places and memories from forgotten years….you grow exotic flowers with the softest petals that whisper kisses on my pale cold skin. You're here. All the terror from waiting dissolves as you caress me, warm strokes that leave me hungry for more. I feel my heart bleeding gold and I want you to have it all
But soon you start to get cold, and you start to turn gray. Your voice leaves and your touch dissapears, your smell dissolves and I realize that you're no longer there. There is just a wall against my desperate arms, and a floor beneath my longing heart. I don't know why I'm here, or how I got here, but I remember how your heart beat against me, and I remember the sweet words you spoke to me, and as I remember, I feel a warmth in my heary, and when I look down, flowers are flowing from me, and I know that I have you inside of me, and im not scared anymore. I just wish you were here


This is why I understand you better than anyone else has. My mind works on a different wavelength from others. I see as you do, but I see beyond, I see sotrie and colors and lifes in a single word. I can’t describe my emotions and feelings accurately unless I show you them. But I don't know if you see it. This is how I see you too. When you say you're not thinking anything, I see you as an animal, you're head is looking away, avoiding my eyes. I see your hoof scratching at the ground, though nothing is there. You don't want to tell me because you don't know how to tell me. But I see you as you really are. I see behind your thick coat that you use to protect yourself from the cold hands of humanity. So I warm my hands and pet you. I make you look me in the eyes so I can see inside of your soul, and you can see mine. I tell you that I know you're thinking because I feel the thoughts in the air. Even if I can't confide in you, I need you to confide in me. I need you to trust in my ability to see and feel things that are hidden beneath the surface. I need you to do this so that you understand how I work, so when I confide in you, there is no pity. Just love.


If there was anything to me I would love you forever and then we could be happy, but not really, because no one can ever really be happy can they?

If everything was happy we would still be miserable, because happiness is really only an illusion

I wish we could all disappear into some kind of beautiful nothingness

Sometimes I feel so lost inside your mind

If I could be an animal it would be a white phoenix with golden eyes

I want to be home with you. Sometimes I really miss you but right now, its just the two of us. Machines are so cold, I wish you’d become flesh. Come back to me, I don’t want to lose you.
But I wont. Because you aren’t like the others. You’re real in my soul

Outside the mushrooms spoke to me in hushed tones. I
f the dandelions screams bite the head off. I
turned around the sky was blue someone was coming. I anticipated his arrival. My lost love

The 10 reasons of knowing- written by a melancholy dreamer

Its like a mystical land where…no its like an irreality like were in a game but its not a real game where the information is on the comps. We exist between the realms of energy and light. All the energy gets transformed through

Its like I don’t even miss him until the lights are out. Love is so cruel to taunt me
Travelling in the hallways of space

I wish we could all just dissapear into some beautiful kind of nothingness
After all we are all opinions in human
Form are we not? Please don’t be sad
My darlings, after all im already
Half dead
I wish we could all be

Please don’t tell me how I feel
Because I seriously do not want
To hear it

Why are you so crazy?


I’m like a caged
I’m like a caged bird waiting
But then the crazness kicked in
It’s a world where its only complexity is
In its strange meanderings throuhg
The hidden complex
We decided to go there when alpha 9 our
Main ship thought it would be a wonderful
Idea to run out of fuel in the middle of
Nowhere, I do say, declared my main captain
Its certaintly a dry place And it was indeed
Dry, drry like the ancient deserts of the
Old gaia earth as its strange specimens once
Called it. The specimens-humans-as they were
Can
And that was where I dec
And that was where I decided
M m m much
And and that was where I decided
We mus must must learn how to keep a thought

I is this the way in which you wish me to learn? I hate having to learn this way me myself and I, its almost as if time stopped and left us floating here together in this darl sandstorm of reality

And it was then that I decided
That they were indeed quite
Crazy
THIS MONKEYS GONE TO HEAVEN

She is a beautiful goddess inside the mirrors. When he enters, he is a devil of the worst kind

The silent ones were a race of extremely powerful beigngs who live in the dark and communicated with their minds

And always in the
dark of night
He tries to preserve
Her beauty right
My sweet angel of our
Compassionate worlds
I long to cherish your
Design
Sweetly breathe my soul to
Burn

Ah the sweet caress
Of my dying love
So wondrous frail
So misunderstood
Beneath the gentle
Memory I shall
Wither and fade

Somnambulist lost in a dream

I want to adore your beautiful
Being I want to memorize
The plains of your body
With my golden touch
I wamt your kiss to
Never breathe the

Im listening to this really good techno cd my friend matt let me borrow
It’s a great way to pass the time in detentino…mi tripping out on the picture haning a few seats from me. It’s a picture of a never ending forest with yellow grass and love trees…I feel my mind floating into it. Its not a picture, it’s a painting really. Im sick of thing these days. The meds are supposed to help me but all I think about it skipping school and riding the max to the portland library and just spend my days acquiring actual knowledge instead of this force-fed crap they teach you in public high school. I want to fall in love with a raver with clothes like a highliter. I dunno what I want anymore. I feel like the older I get the smaller my hear gets. Im turning so apathetic. Except for when im by myself. Then my thoughts start to torment me.
I also think my dreams are trying t show me something but its so dark and I cant understand it
I feel so free, like im flying…
Jw walked me to class today
The sun is rising, the feeling of love is flowing through my veins
It’s the song I guess. I had this dream. I wish I could describe it. But paul

Augh im so ****** that
She hasn’t come to school
That just shows me how
Much I cant trust people
Because trusted her and
Look what happened it
Just blew up in my
******* face godamnit
I dunno I cant stand very
Much more of this, please
Would my parents just let
Me have my freedom I
Dunno. Im just tired
And I want to go to bed

A place that should not exist
Where the impossible is possible
Somwhere a voice calls deep inside my heart

This is what I dreamed. My whole life I visioned this reality into my life incased in poetic form. I wanted people to know my story, I wanted to communicate with the lsot souls in each one of us. I fashioned myslef into an ethereal character in a future/past (the time irrevelant) life.
But, it could onl be a dream.
I would sit in the back desks during class, crouching next to the walls as near as I possibly could. I felt strangely comforted by the secure warmth on my sides, and I felt freer to observe my classmates and dream of poppy field eyes. I wanted dearly to write a story about a girl with opium eyes, invisible to the world unless you went under. And in my story a boy went under and they met and fell in love. But the government had made it illegal to be with an invisible one.
It was too dangeruos they sad, an abomination of humanity.

I would become so involved in my stories that when the bell rang or I was talked to, my mind would jerk back into the current time and would be all tinged with the remnants of my lost thoughts.

Sometimes they would call me crazy. The machine people. They talked and walked like you and I, but they were just creatures of my sight. I wondered what it would be like to be blind. I went blind once, when my stepmom broke her foot

------------------
…you were just a boy on a bed in a room, like a kaleidoscope is a tube full of bits of broken glass. But the way I saw you was pieces refracting the light, shifting into an infinite universe of flowers and rainbows and insects and planets, magical dividing cells, pictures no one else saw

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