posted September 17, 2007 12:16 PM            

Ohhhhhh! How perfect is that?! I can almost feel the heat and the energy crackling with life.

And the rays and the fish and the golden coins of light
you are breaking my heart open here

I keep catching myself with my hand on my chin again... gazing adoringly in rapt bliss.

Now for the constructive criticism part? <3
I like what I think you are saying here:

Now see how prudently this grace is shed,
conforming to each object according to its kind;
illuminates the darkened path,
and thaws the icy ground.

but I do admit you lost me a little here. I know you are talking about our small selves, our microcosms, how the energy is focused into all different shapes and forms (tables even?) but I don't understand the transition to the second two lines, although I like the flavor of that part too. Maybe it is talking about how masterful the plan is... that even though there are areas of darkness, it is perfectly orchestrated that an area of light comes to illuminate that darkness when the time is right. But maybe I am changing the word "kind" in my mind to "need" and maybe they are the same anyway... you have such a masterful way with words.

It might be me, or something too abstract for me to fully understand, but I thought I would just chime in with some thoughts, since it is a "rough draft".

Well, let me know how far off I am

A quote from your Christmas present:

quote:

---

Dialogue in My Head
"Do you want your reader to have to struggle to figure out what you are saying?"
"Damn right! I had to struggle to figure it out. Why shouldn't he? Besides, if it is too easy for him, he won't appreciate it."

---

posted September 26, 2007 12:50 PM            

quote:

---

Now see how prudently this grace is shed,
conforming to each object according to its kind;
illuminates the darkened path,
and thaws the icy ground.

---

The "grace", in this instance,
would be the rays of the Sun,
which conform to the dark path by giving light,
and to the cold ground by giving heat.

Love the quote.

So many people think something is wrong with your writing,
if it requires them to think in order to understand it.
(And if they cannot get at the meaning of a thing,
even after straining to understand,
well, then, it must be flawed indeed, lol!)

"Our minds are lazier than our bodies."
- La Rochefoucauld