posted April 21, 2008 10:42 PM            

And then how you compose it...
"See in what depths we anchor our highest,
and how our heaviest is tied to our lightest!"
the beauty in just the sound of that!
it is music

writer, philosopher, genius, priest, poet and bard
and more

Those are some big chains Fantastic and apt image. love it.

posted April 21, 2008 11:41 PM            

My friend, my rose-colored mirror...

Thank you.

posted April 22, 2008 12:05 AM              

quote:

---

Sacred kites dance wanton at the ends of chains the breadth of battleships.

---

Fantastic imagery there....!!!

everywhere there! (the whole poem)

I'm watching the scene in my mind....

posted April 22, 2008 07:55 AM            

I'm wondering, should it be:

"chains as broad as battleships"

What do you think?

posted April 22, 2008 10:00 AM            

I think it makes the meaning of it more open to other possible meanings, whereas using "as broad as battleships" seems more limiting in its character.

posted April 22, 2008 10:25 AM            

You may be right.. I'm not sure yet.

Thank you for your opinion.

Seems like "Breadth",
although suggesting depth, or dimension,
may be redundant, given the context,
and, also, "broad" feels more lyrical,
and I really want it to flow.

"Broad" also has a double meaning of "vast",
and the person with a "broad view" sees from a great height.

The image this suggests for me is a pyramid,
or hierarchical structure,
where the top is slight and pointed,
and the bottom is very "broad",
yet, the broadness informs the height,
if you catch my drift.

Also, there is an association, for me,
to the dilemma of pacifism...
"Battleships", and the acceptance of war,
suggest to me a very broad view.
Broad can also suggest a liberal or indulgent attitude.
One allows oneself a certain latitude when one consents to warfare,
and to make use of tragic means for the sake of peaceful ends.

Still not sure, though.

My influences...

I guess, for this, mostly, LSD, Terrence McKenna, and Nietzsche.

Also, I was watching The Truman Show when I wrote it,
and seeing a lot of abstract meanings in that movie.

Hopefully, the style is unfamiliar because I'm trying new things.

s

posted April 22, 2008 10:56 AM            

There is definitely a sense of hierarchy in this. I think my favorite part is this:

quote:

---

See in what depths we anchor our highest,
and how our heaviest is tied to our lightest!

---

Either way you edit it seems fine. I was just letting out my own personal feelings towards it.

posted April 22, 2008 11:09 AM            

The words have a very strong energy to them. The signature is quite different from anything you've written before. The literal subject of the poem seems to be tangential to the actual process that it took to write it. It's almost like your voice was subdued and strengthened simultaneously...