posted February 06, 2019 09:33 PM            

These past six years could have broken me
instead I stand here tall
Waves of shock and awe float through my brain
that I’m still standing at all

These past years I’ve surmounted
a degree and my CPA exams
spent countless hours in a cave of learning
these mountains of information to cram

All the while, I’ve balanced raising
these two children I have borne
Months of teetering on the edge
where bone-tiredness became my norm

And yes, I’ve done it mostly solo
My husband’s been unstable at best
Stable as a hurricane
He’s been a detached volatile mess

His mental health’s been a yo-yo
with our family along for the ride
How many nights did I cry out for support,
but all I could do was cry and hide?

There’s been a rocky career path
as I try to find my fit
There’s been a host of learning
as I determine where I should be knit

And then two years ago
I finally lost the chance to know
the man whose essence gave me life
and the loss was quite a blow

We lost the chance to reconcile
to meet and finally connect
I only wish he didn’t deny us
the chance to finally find our trek

His death took more than I could realize
it permanently closed a door
There were no more second chances
and Fate knocked me to the floor

We fought an ugly battle
to be recognized as his own
For a simple piece of paper
to reaffirm what I’ve always known

I’ve yearned for joy in the midst of pain
I’ve yearned to find purpose here
Maybe the days unfolding now
will make this crystal clear

I still wonder why I’m standing
with each stride that I take
but life has dealt me blessings
and their care I can’t forsake

So if you see me tremble,
if you see me almost fall
Just know that I’m doing the best I can
I’m giving it my all

If you can spare a hug
or a kind word from your heart,
know how much I’ll value it
how it keeps me from coming apart

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