posted July 21, 2004 06:20 AM         

My Dad attempted to commit suicide late last year using strong painkillers and alcohol to kill himself. He is still unsure what the thought processes were that got him to that situation and he feels it wasn't a conscious act to take his life.

My Dad has been diagnosed with severe depression which has occurred since last September. He is currently on anti-depressants and is seeing a psychiatrist. My Dad is an alcoholic and along with the depression it seems to create a never ending vicious cycle.

My Dad was physically, emotionally and mentally abused as a child. His father also abused his mother, sister and brother. So, he didn't grow up in a home of love and warmth. He did have his mother's parents who were a big part of his life. They were lovely people.

I do feel absolute despair and sadness at times over my Dad's situation. He has lost a lot of his confidence and he is a shadow of the man he used to be. His interests were fishing, keeping fit, bike riding and socialising. Now, he doesn't engage himself in any of these things. He has put on weight and he doesn't like himself at all. He seems to be more comfortable at home than anywhere else. He holds down an important job and is an Engineer. My family and I have no idea how he is holding down his job, although he has told me he does struggle to get through the day.

I have my own family and while I try to focus on them, I am trying to support my Mum and my sister through this ordeal. I would like to consider myself a little bit psychic and I do get a lot of feelings/visions from my Dad which do turn out to be true in the end. I am getting a lot of feelings again from him, and they aren't nice ones. I feel he is really really down at the moment, but I do feel like I am going crazy. The other day I got the feeling he had left this earth for good and I just kept crying telling him in my mind that I loved him. I felt really cold on the inside and really thought he had gone. I kept seeing him in a dark place, huddled up. He wanted physical reassurance from me as he was dying. Yet, (to my relief) that night when I spoke with my Mum, Dad had come home from work. But, Mum was a bit funny on the phone with me when I asked her how Dad was. I think because he was in the room with her, and she didn't want to talk about him with me.

Anyway, sorry for the long spiel. Thanks for listening. You guys are great. I would appreciate any feedback anybody has.

posted July 21, 2004 07:27 AM         

I'm so sorry to hear this. It must be awful for you

I can relate to you on a level, since I am very close to my father, but have been distanced myself over the years from one family issue to another. Recently he has just split from my step-mother and is very down on himself, not the man I knew that brought me up, more cynical, bitter & angry, when I know he is so beautiful & strong. I have also had similar visions pop into my head that I dislike..

I feel your sadness, but the worst thing you can do is stay in the past thinking what it/he was like before because that's so hard to cope with honey.

This has brought a tear to my eye. If I say more now, I think I may confuse it with emotions from my situation.

I will ask the other Knowflakes in Free-for-all to come over here since more will see it there.

In the mean time, stay in the NOW honey, I wish you love & light. I'm sorry that I cannot be more helpful right now, but I had to reply. I feel your situation, I really do, but I do not know how to use my psychic ability properly on this one since it's too close to home for me.

Sheaa

posted July 21, 2004 09:44 AM         

Please, please, do some research on the antidepressants he is taking. Yes, some people feel they've been helped by them. But many others do not...and some have had very adverse effects.

I see no reason to cushion this, because I think it is important to tackle these problems with all the knowledge you can. But often those antidepressants lead people to feel worse and become a further catalyst for suicide. Do the research, see what you can find. A woman here (where I live)comitted suicide while taking antidepressants. She's not the only one.

Too often, prescribing drugs seems the easy way for doctors to 'help' patients, and I personally don't buy into that.

Many times depression is organic in nature. There are ways to begin to heal the body that will have a great effect on the mind. But one must be willing to rid the body of its toxins.

There are ways, SG, and some easy to use products. If you would like to know more, I will gladly point you in the direction of the Dr. who has devoted his life to this work. You can email me at chellemabelle9@yahoo.com (don't forget the 9!).

A diet without meat or animal products (dairy) is a good place to begin. Fish oil caplets, at least 5 a day, are often good for depression.

To truly begin to cleanse, your father should eat lots of raw foods. Only fresh juices (get a juicer!) and fresh fruits in the morning, till lunchtime. Lots of salads and fresh veggies. It does a world of good, but it is a beginning.

I wish you well.

posted July 21, 2004 11:57 AM         

Aspartame is especially attributed to depression.

It's a good place to begin.

Sheaa...let's hope for more advice/help.

posted July 21, 2004 12:26 PM         

My close friends brother had been on antidepressants most of his life. His psychiatrist changed the medications without informing the family. His brother committed suicide 2 months later. He killed himself in his mother’s living room. I knew this man for 10 years and I’m not saying that I knew the inner working of his mind but we all agree. He would never have killed himself and never in his mothers home. We are convinced it was the drugs.

Another friend of mine is manic depressive and on medication. They switched his meds and he went into a deep depression. Fortunately he is very aware of his illness and tracks his moods. He said he was a childrens birthday party with his son, daughter and wife. He and his wife had to leave the kids and got to Emergency. He said that the urge to kill himself was overwhelming, he said he was very frighten and if he had been home alone and unaware of how these medications work he probably would have killed himself. They switched his meds again and he hasn’t had that problem. It was very scary for the whole family.

Talk to the doctor.

Prayers to you and your Dad,

posted July 21, 2004 01:00 PM         

It's a simple blood test. I urge you to get your father to have it.

posted July 21, 2004 03:40 PM         

But I have to disagree with you on the meds. Just today in USA Today there was an article outlining that when beginning to take antidepressants, it's the most dangerous time for he who is depressed, and he is far more likely to commit suicide at that time than any other. The meds tend to compound the problems.

The article also went on to infer that many people don't have positive results on the meds. you can probably read it on www.usatoday.com. It was in the Life section. If I can find it, I'll try to transcribe it for you.

posted July 21, 2004 05:07 PM         

I am sorry to hear of your sadness and your father's depression. These are very complex problems that I feel incapable of dealing with in a forum such as this.

My first and probably best advice would be to pray, in whatever manner you are comfortable with, for strength and guidance for both your father and yourself.

If you meditate, I would suggest sending him healing light, red-orange to start. Then slowly envelop him in PINK light for love and self-esteem. I would also send BLUE light for spirituality and mental poise.

As a nurse, and not always in agreement with modern allopathic medicine, I would say that it is time to involve a mental health professional, to evaluate both his mental state and his medication regime.

As a student of metaphysics, I will advise you that:

1) YOU cannot create a change, HE must do that for himself. You CAN however, lend support.

2) You SHOULD NOT assume any blame for his condition. I know it saddens you and your Love engenders concern... but, the bystander has NO CONTROL in these situations.

3) PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! Talk to God/dess, the Angels or whatever works for you. You may attempt to send him Light and thoughts of PEACE, but he must ACCEPT them. If he cannot or does not.. that is his choice. However painful it is to you... at that point, it is out of your hands.

I am sorry that you find yourself in that situation. I will send you some Light and prayers...

Blessed Be...

A

posted July 21, 2004 06:28 PM         

I am trying to hold onto his heart as tight as I can, but I feel like I don't have much more time with him. I do try to talk to him now and then about this situation, but he refuses to talk to me about it or to anyone else.

Anyway, thank you guys. You have been a tremendous help to me.

posted July 22, 2004 07:22 AM         

I know what Aselzion's saying about reaching you from this forum I hope you find ways for yourself to heal too?

Please check in soon - I will be.

posted July 22, 2004 02:38 PM         

It sounds like you are having a hard time dealing with your own. You know, I'm going to have to agree with Aselzion, You can't change him... All you can do is love him and let it go... You said: "I am trying to hold onto his heart as tight as I can" I don't think you can do that. If you hold on to tight, you might just hurt it more... Plus if you don't let go and he takes it anyway, All the more pain for you. You must consider your self in this situation... I know that seeing these things is so hard on the heart, to see a tortured soul go through more pain then is necessary… The best medicine, better than any doctor could prescribe is Love…

posted July 24, 2004 01:39 AM         

I saw my parents today. I always take my little boy over on Saturdays so they can spend some time with him. My Mum shared something with me today which has disturbed me. Mum said that the last 2 times they have babysat our little boy, Dad has become aggressive with him. Dad has done this once or twice over the past few months, and so I always make sure I have "hawk eyes" when Dad is around our son. Mum told me a couple of weeks ago my Dad was trying to set up their new computer they had just bought. He called out to my Mum to come and help him. Mum went and my son followed after her, bringing a ball with him. He (being 2) kept throwing the ball to Mum and Dad kept aggressively throwing the ball down the hallway so my son would go out of the room. Finally, in front of my son, Dad turned to my Mum and said that he wouldn't hit his grandson but would hit her for certain if she didn't remove him right away. Mum was stunned. Despite Dad being emotionally, and verbally aggressive towards my Mum/sister/I growing up, he has never over the past 30 years threatened us with physical violence. I have said to Mum over the past few months to be careful of Dad because I have a feeling he is just going to "snap" and that will be it.

When I saw my Mum today, there wasn't a good feeling around her. Not from her but around her. She keeps saying that Dad is getting better and is reducing his drinking. But, every time I see him (once a week) he seems really depressed and at times I feel the aggression/resentment is just under the surface. I have told Mum if anything happens, she can come to my house. What do I do in the meantime? Is this normal behaviour for someone who is severely depressed? Does my Dad have a lack of impulse control?

posted July 25, 2004 08:04 AM         

I think or rather feel that he might be having some very negative thoughts about my Mum at times. I also think my son might be a trigger for my Dad now. Because my sister has told me that Mum and Dad are getting on a little better and are talking more. Yet, when I take my little boy to their place, I get the strong feeling from my Dad, that he really resents and is angry at my Mum. Mum has told me recently that Dad would get jealous of how much time she would spend with us girls. The same thing could be happening with my son - Dad resents the amount of time/love Mum puts into my son. I have now decided for my son's safety that I won't leave him there by himself at my parent's place without myself or my husband there. Especially because our little boy has been very clingy over the past 2 to 3 weeks, particularly with me. We are in the process of selling our house which could account for the clinginess. But, we haven't started packing at all.

What are your thoughts on this? Please help me.

posted July 25, 2004 09:04 AM         

I am very sorry to hear this. I think perhaps your family needs professional intervention. If your dad won't seek it, your mother, sister and yourself may look for it. In the U.S., there are often support groups for families in crisis. Check with local hospitals and health care groups. You can also check online for discussion groups.

I feel it's important to be honest with you. When you said that your father brought home the photos of your mother...my first thought was that he is/was having an affair. That may not be the case, but it seemed to jump from the computer screen towards me. If he fancies himself in love with another woman, it could in part explain the agression towards your mother. Has anything else happened that might indicate another woman? Perhaps you can gently approach this subject with your mother. It may be difficult, but it's already difficult. Work through it to find what light you can.

More troublesome than an affair is the aggression of which you speak. I think you're right to be guarded, and your family must be very careful.

Again, some of this could be a result of the medication. You are going to have to intervene as much as you can. Learn about his meds, research them, find online discussions about them, see if others have experienced negative results from them.

You are here on this earth together, and your father will ultimately make his own choices. You are not responsible for his choices, no matter what they are. But it's obvious that you love him and want to help, so be as pro-active as you can. In the U.S., we call it 'tough love,' you may have that phrase in Australia too, I dunno. He may not accept your help...but at least you will have tried.

I wish I could help you more. If I think of anything else I will of course post.

Keep your child safe. Your father has an illness that at this time he cannot control.

posted July 25, 2004 09:36 AM         

I persoanlly have no qualms about saying someone with severe depression is mentally ill (I'm chronic depressed and call myself mentally ill) - it is an illness, a severe one, and it effects a person's mental abilities. It's a matter of a calling a thing what it is. Patronizing a ill person and dancing around the matter with word games isn't going to help anyone including him to realize what the problem is.

Your father is probably angry about a lot of things, and at his age, this seems to have reached a crisis level. If it's gone on this long, then a lot of damage has been done. Recovery from severe depression takes a long time, and must be mental, emotional, spritiual and physical. Antidepressants only do so much. Therapists only do so much. Much of the recovery must come from his own choice to get better. You cannot make that choice for him. No one can. You need to accept your limtations regarding what you can do for him right now.

Like others have said, it may be that you need to start letting go of your father, lovingly. Love and pray for him that he will find peace and healing in anyway it can come to him, and pray that at this time he may see your love. Support him out of love, not despair or fear. But beyond that, there are obviously others in your life that also need you, like your son, your husband and your mother, so it is improtant that you don't allow yourself to be dragged down by your father's problems through negative emotions and fear. Focusing on loving him right now is the best thing for everyone - it is what he needs from you the most, and it empowers you to rise above the bleakness you are seeing right now and be available for others who need you to be strong.

posted July 26, 2004 08:37 PM         

I did do a divination with playing cards and they said there was a female blonde who was a flirt and liked company in the past. Perhaps my Dad is having/has had an affair or dalliance with another woman. I spoke to my Mum last night about our son not staying overnight anymore at my parents place. Mum said that Dad's aggression was a once-off thing and he would never hurt our son. But, I think she is holding onto false hope and an illusion. My Dad will still see our son, but under very supervised conditions.

Once again, thank you everyone.