posted December 13, 2015 04:00 AM            

Child - Heart -Ship

posted December 13, 2015 10:37 AM            

------------------
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

posted December 13, 2015 11:12 AM            

Also it is almost ironical how I am JUST TODAY having the Sun-Venus-conjunction in my tertiary progressions (27°02 Gemini).

I suppose though the Tr Saturn wins out.
Just having passed my Mars and ASC and already in orb for conjunct my Neptune-NN.

It`s not that it is all gloomy and bad, I am just feeling so much more serious, reflective, yes, melancholic, too.
On the other hand also thankful and cherishing those joyful experiences I have on a deeper level, but just not with that exuberant feeling.

I guess the whole story with Mr Sag affected me more deeply than I wanted to admit to even myself, so I just have to let the process taking its own speed.

Weirdly enough, I also understood suddenly last week (at least for a part), why I had always felt that weird resonance with his ex girlfriend and possibly also why she was also appearing to pay quite a bit attention to me, (that was even before my crush on him took roots, so di dnot have anything to do with him at all) - and it`s not just the fact we both have an Aquarius-Moon (and her Aqua Sun conjuncts my Moon as well. lol).

But turns out we both have a sibling with Down syndrome, and I just undrstood so well what she meant with what she was writing on her fb last week (so I had to actually respond to that, even though of course we don`t know each other, but she described it so extremely well).

It also was one of the moments that filled me with that feeling of humility and thankfulness and just feeling blessed because of having my brother in my life who teaches me at every turn what is REALLY important in life (and its NOT Mr Sag`s mess!!).

Just a very modest calm very serious feeling, cause of course it comes with responsibility that I can never shake, and will never be able to. I will never be as free and independent from family as others are, but of course it has its good side too. Everything has two sides, as you know I suppose.

Nevertheless it was a light-bulb-moment, or a remembering-moment, when she was doing that post.

Funny enough I read it (and replied to it) when the Tr Moon was conjunct Tr Saturn exact, and both being on my ASC-Neptune-NN (and on her Saturn-Juno-conjunction. lol).

It sounds maybe weird, but it just re-minded me once again, that we can never be really on our own, and we can`t be "selfish" or truely "egocentric" to the extreme, BECAUSE we will always have to consider our sibling.

It`s a blessing, but also a responsibility, an obligation.
sometimes it feels like a safety-net and a haven, and sometimes, quite frankly, it makes me want to run away, when I think about the future.
Because it will never be about only me, it will always be about me and what is best for my brother, espcially when the day comes that my parents will not be able anymore to provide the care as they do now, and hopefully will for many years to come.
But they are in their 60`s now, there will come a day when it will be up to me to "take over" so to speak.

Sometimes I wonder how it feels to be without "obligation" to one`s family, to be able to live a truely free life.
But then again, who is truely free, ever?
it`s probably just an imagery thought.

oh well, I am ranting.

posted December 13, 2015 11:47 AM            

And I think the Sabians are very interesting too

26-27 deg Gemini

A Gypsy Emerging From The Forest Wherein Her Tribe Is Encamped

27-28 deg Gemini

Through Bankruptcy, Society Gives To An Overburdened Individual The Opportunity To Begin Again

posted December 13, 2015 11:57 AM            

However my life is happening in "cycles", kathartic usually, true to my Venus-Pluto-theme.
And I think I am nearing the endphase of one of such a cycles once again (or not having really processed that the new one already has begun it always takes a while for me to let it really bubble up and become conscious event hough the process has taken place and started some time before).

So I guess it is just time for the phonix to go up in flames before she can rise up from the ashes again.

I`ve been through this more times than I can count, as I said, just the way my life works, and that time-period JUST before the going-up-in-flames (well usually it is more some kind of flood of salty water, just for the regeneration purpose. ) and then rising up again, well it is usually the most dumpiets, bleakiest, nothing-has-meaning feeling before.

But I have come to understand that this is neccessary for the next evolutionary step to take place.
Before rebirth, there has to come death after all.

It`s just such a phase right now, the good thing is that I always come out stronger and "shinier" once the rising-from-the-ashes happens.