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Author
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Topic: this WEIRD, intense feeling I get sometimes...
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Tuesday
Knowflake Posts: 185
From: Kansas
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted February 13, 2003 06:58 PM
 
I have never really talked to anyone about this before. Because it is SO hard to explain. But I feel like I finally found a place where I can be understood.
These episodes are almost impossible to really describe, but I'll try my best. Sometimes I suddenly feel really AWARE of the reality of living. I start to panic when I feel like this and try to get it to stop because it's so intense and scary. Sometimes if I can't stop it and it gets worse, I start to sweat. It's embarrassing if it happens when I'm around people. I have to leave the room and get a hold of myself. I feel like I'm not really living this life, like maybe I'm dreaming it or just watching it, or just visiting, and that I belong in another universe and should be going back soon. And I really, really want to go back, so I can feel normal again! And I think "I'm not really living this am I?" Everything just feels so surreal, and it's overwhelming. Sometimes it happens when I've been looking in the mirror a lot (preening, cleaning the mirror, whatever) and become kind of really aware of myself. Or when I'm around my parents. I guess they are kind of similar to panic attacks. I do have a lot of problems with anxiety. But I do get this intense feeling of like... awareness combined with surrealness when it starts. Like nothing is REAL. I just want to go back to my real universe, my home! I've had episodes like this for many years now.Any thoughts? IP: Logged |
Imaiden76
Knowflake Posts: 87
From: NY
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted February 13, 2003 08:41 PM
Oh Tuesday I know exzactly what you may be going through.i was"diagnosed" with a panic disorder.I would go through episodes where I would shake and feel scared and so aware of everything that I felt I was looking in from the outside.I was here but I wasn't here or I felt as if things were too real to be apart of.I was a part of everything and nothing at the same time.things would become over whelming for me to adjust to and concentration on things were diffiuclt.So I took a prescription for Paxil which made things worse.
After concentating on mys-elf for a while I realized maybe my problem was that I was too sensitive to other peoples energies and couldn't discern these feelings of others from my own.And they were powerful! WHAM they hit me hard too!
So with practice and patience I learned how to harness this abilty.It really is an ability.Once you can control the feelings you recieve and decide if they are yours or someones elses, you can use this power to help others and yours-elf.
I'm just telling you what happened with me and hopefully maybe offering some useful information.I hope all goes well with you.
Listen to your feelings and trust them. I know they can be overpowering at times.
Best of luck to you.I hope this helps!
Marcie
"Love is the water of life.The beauty of the heart is the only lasting beauty."
Rumi IP: Logged |
theFajita3
Moderator Posts: 1404
From: Sunny South Florida, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
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posted February 13, 2003 11:59 PM
Hi tuesday  Sometimes I wonder how the heck people keep going thru life not realizing just how incredible it is and just dropping everything and going for a long walk to explore this amazing world. And then I go back thru the motions. But I do get these intense overwhelming feelings- like incredible sadness and awe and love all wrapped into one... ------------------
Food is the only art that nourishes! IP: Logged |
proxieme
Knowflake Posts: 3193
From: Southern 'Bama
Registered: Aug 2002
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posted February 14, 2003 12:56 AM
Hey Tues - I don't know if I have a panic-y disorder (but I've actually decided that I shall henceforth despise the psychological establishment's labeling of each and every human condition and emotion, so I suppose it doesn't matter)...
but, yes, I know that feeling (if I'm reading you right). Like Fajitadanita said, it catches you unawares. You're going about your everyday routine, and then are ripped out of it by this inescapable and overwhelming awe and amazement; the fact that you're alive, that you're *really* *alive*, that you're here to exist and think such thoughts and feel such feelings, suddenly surges through you. Every pore of your skin feels filled to brimming with electricity, and each cell jumps to that current.
And you just feel so grateful, so incredibly broken down (in a good way) by it all.
And everything, the unbearable beauty of it all, tears into you and nearly rips you apart. Every sensation imaginable compreses itself into you, and you know that if you actually took the time to feel the absolute wonder of the universe you'd...well, you'd never get anything done. And what's life for, anyway? So you resign yourself to mundane tasks, and shed a remembering tear.
Such exquisite ecstacy.
Actually, I think that may be the phenom to which the ole' mystics were referring when they coined the term "ecstatic".
Yay to us. --------------------
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And to know the place for the first time.
-T.S. Eliot IP: Logged |
Tuesday
Knowflake Posts: 185
From: Kansas
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted February 14, 2003 12:25 PM
Imaiden, that's exactly it! You described it way better than I could have.It happens alot when I'm alone so I don't know if I could be feeling other people's energies. And I wish it were the way you guys describe it, beautiful and ecstatic... All I ever feel is panic and, like I'm closed in, I just want it to stop. I try to nip it in the bud if I feel it coming. Sometimes I succeed. But I do wonder, how can people go through life so... normally, without ever feeling like this? When the episode is over and I've gotten a hold of myself, I wonder about that. IP: Logged |
StarLover33
Moderator Posts: 1987
From: King Arthur's Camelot
Registered: Jun 2002
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posted February 14, 2003 03:04 PM
I hate having to call what you have a disorder, your more like a person who is in touch with your Higher Self, and you just need to learn to harness those energies by possibly going to therapy, or just talking to anyone you know.
What Imainden said, follow your intuition, you already know whats best for yourself.
Nothing is wrong with you...and you should remember that.
You may even be right about the universe...who can really know, except just you 
StarLover 
IP: Logged |
Imaiden76
Knowflake Posts: 87
From: NY
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted February 14, 2003 09:31 PM
Hang in there Tuesday!It is a rough thing to go throuh, but worth all the effort you put in to control it.Someimes when I would go through these things I would look at my hands and be so scared because they diddn't seem like they were mine,like I was too small to be apart of everything.
So the next time it happened I decided to take control of it.
I said these are my hands!And they have the power to control all in my life!then I would try to turn it around.
(I know it sounds strange!)
I would then decide, Ok, is there anything really upsetting me?Or could it be someone else.When I was alone,I I turned in the news to see if something drastic had happened, or I would call freinds and family members to see if everything was OK with them.Nine out of ten times someone would tellme they were thinking of calling me because they had a problem.
Sometimes nothing was wrong and I could never figure out what it was.
But I got through them,I still
do,and you can too!I'm going to say a special prayer for you tonight,maybe it won't do much,and maybe it will!
So good night and good luck!
Much love, 
Marcie "Love is the water of life.The beauty of the heart is the only lasting beauty."
Rumi IP: Logged |
theFajita3
Moderator Posts: 1404
From: Sunny South Florida, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
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posted February 14, 2003 10:59 PM
Yes Proxieme- you're right- it's REAL ecstasy and joy!------------------
Food is the only art that nourishes! IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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