posted September 07, 2003 10:44 AM         

I feel I am loosing it today. Lately I am suffering extreme faitigue that it sometimes feels as if I will collapse. Ok, I do feel ill today, I am having a fever. But......
Today is different altogether. I have peeked around the corner of paranormality sort of. I don't know how else I can put it. I was lying in bed and sort of tripped. I needed to get out a.s.a.p. and do more earthy stuff.
It feels like I am detaching more and more. It is like a lightbulb above ones head that I just saw! I also have this Neptune/Moon transit going on for a while now and this is the third time it is conjuncting my Moon so somehow a culmination of the things I have been experiencing. Especially considering the Moon to be on it as well today (Aquarius). I feel a complete and utter NUTTER!
" Now I understand!" I was laying in bed like. So much so that I can even lift myself from my own body. Of course this could be just illusions and they might be but it definitely is another dimension I have slowly been taken into.
Very strange that I come here and try to explain something of which I already sort of know that it is extremely difficult to do. I guess I need people to talk to. Maybe someone understands. And then what? Well, I don't know.
A lot of things seem to be so silly. It is like I am, for the first time of my life, seeing through the veil, I am seeing so much deeper. I also noticed that I am too open, I absorb everyone, leaving me tired and confused and above all angry, frustrated and sad. But it is not ME! How do I distant myself? All the horrible smells on the street (my nose will kill me sometimes), all the negative vibes but also the positive ones I notice and then I cry of joy. There is hardly any limits to my feelings. It is like when I see beauty I cry my eyes out and am not ashamed. " See there, the beauty infront of thy!" See it, come to experience it all!
Lately it feels our beautiful earth is transforming itself into a hell hole produced by it's inhabitants. Not that this is something only from lately but to me it feels it is getting worse by the minute and it is hard to live on like nothing happens.
And this is what I meant by I feel I am ready. It's not that I feel I am ready with my growth (not for a long, long while).This ready feeling does not shake me and it is more something of me versus the place Ilive in. Versus another dimension.
I see clearly that everyone is walking his or hers own path and that there is no wrong or right. There is no division, we create that ourselves. Like time, we created it to experience duality and division. I cannot judge anyone and I won't. I want to assist but there is so little developement going on.
Well I guess I am going to stop writing for now. There is so much else going on!

posted September 07, 2003 05:59 PM         

My astrology teacher also felt she was at the mercy of negative influences, that they sometimes jumped out and attacked her, she even felt this way with some rock music. Her answer was to literally say to herself "Force Fields Up!" and envision a protective seal around herself, that would bounce any negative energy off into the ethers. I myself do this now and again if an agitated person is letting loose of her emotions around me. I want to let her vent, but I don't want that negativity attaching itself to me!

I would like to think more of some of the things you've said, and will respond further. But I wanted you to know...you're not alone.

posted September 07, 2003 10:49 PM         

i am afraid i cant comment much right now, im still dealing with a couple of issues that dont leave me with much to post. i just cant seem to find words to express things. know that i am always an email away though, and i care for you so much, you are a jewel i can always listen at least. i would have more to say but i cant explain but there are a couple of issues.

anyway hopefully i can talk to you soon!!!!! dont forget about bohemians, we have discussed similar things lately.

i WILL talk to you soon, im sorry i am sort of disconnected now

LOVE

------------------
where i end and you begin there's a gap in between there's a gap where we meet where i end and you begin
and i'm sorry for us the dinosaurs roam the earth the sky turns green where i end and you begin

posted September 08, 2003 09:52 AM         

You are like a caterpillar in a chrysalis, transforming into a butterfly.

There was a time in my life when my heart had been cracked wide open, for the first time, by a love connection. In my case we had to part, and I know that was necessary, but my heart became progressively wider open even afterward. My heart chakra was wide open, my third eye too. I learned what it's like to cry often, even in public -- I felt sick, I felt exalted, I felt tired. I was so sensitive that I was in a place and state I had never known before. It was like a journey to a new country, about how after a person 'travels' there for awhile, they can't remember what they were like before in their old country. A metaphysical teacher later told me I was grieving for the world, that I was picking up on so much grief everywhere. I was sane but beyond 'normal' limits. My friends supported my break-up, but could not understand the rest. Luckily I went back to studying metaphysics, and that helped greatly.

Grief and exaltation are not so far from one another.

And what happened to me? One dark night I asked for divine help in closing my heart chakra for awhile -- and I was answered. Maybe I could have stayed in that state for longer, to see what was ahead of me at the end of the transformation process. I didn't realize it was a process, however -- I mostly experienced it as alternating joy and anguish. I chose to complete it with a little less sensation, a little less rawness. I only know what I chose, according to what I could bear.

Recently I have been reading Reiki bulletin boards. Many people are opening up to the same intense, overwhelming psychic/spiritual/personal transformations. Their experiences are worth checking out.

I believe there is a revolution going on in the world, and that it is spiritual. All the revolutions we know of are in history books -- but at their inception, each of them was new, unknown territory, frightening in their changes because no one had ever had such experiences before. This is the path of the pioneer -- whereas an adventurer seeks out change, the pioneer often has change thrust upon them, or new circumstances force the seeds of change within them, to suddenly grow, and quickly.

Our species has to change fundamentally if we are to survive our own excess, greed and selfishness. I believe many people are already changing, and in the only way left to us -- spiritually. I believe that we are finally going to re-activate parts of our brains that have been dormant for most peoples since the fall of Atlantis, another tragic example of what happens when humans abuse the world. In our time, power and money are mostly in the hands of the greedy and aggressive, and we are manipulated by their media products -- mass media has replaced organized religion as Marx's "opiate of the masses" in Western nations, at least.

Your antennae are alive, and picking up much. Your spirit is in ascendancy. You are right, earthy stuff is important -- even if you re-pot your plants and talk to them, or lay down on Mother Earth and commune with her, this is good. Take baths -- cleanse with water often, it wil also help cleanse your aura of negative vibes. Yoga, Tai Ch'i, Reiki, whatever grounds you, do it.

I think you are becoming a butterfly, Sylven. It is a strange thing to experience in such a world at war with itself, where most people have fantasies about becoming warriors and heros, to defend the weak and the innocents and the beautiful. This will be the Butterfly Revolution, but there will never, never be such a thing as a butterfly 'warrior'.

These are my thoughts, with some help channelled in while I wrote.

to you in all your fragile, strong beauty,

posted September 09, 2003 09:29 AM         

You are so great! Lemme tell ya!

I want to reply on your post but not now!
You are an !

posted September 10, 2003 07:27 PM         

One thing that struck me, if you're feeling exhausted, please rule out any health problems and have your thyroid checked. Hypothyroidism can cause you to feel tired, make your mind feel muddy and wrapped in gauze, and can also effect your moods, making you weepy and sad. It's a simple blood test...

Other than that, it sounds like you're going through your own internal shift, evolving, so congratulations! You will learn through time and trial how to block out anything negative. Perhaps you might keep a journal of your daily thoughts and observations, it's a great way to let go of things at the end of the day.