posted March 28, 2004 01:17 AM         

when there's someone in your life, whom, despite your very best efforts to the contrary, you can't help but despise, hate and loathe with your whole being?

when you've given only kindness, love and patience, and get only meanness, abuse and treachery in return.....how do you nullify the subsequent burn of resentful hatred that lodges in your heart in defiance of your dearest wish to squelch it? to have only love reside there?

denial, repression....they don't work.....and it just bubbles ever more deeply and profound....

even if this person were to exit your immediate locale, the feelings would remain, they run so deep, underneath the wounds, chafing them, not allowing them to heal.

how how how? how do you truly love those who hurt you the most?

i want to turn the other cheek! i want to love; i don't want to hate!

how to transform this? i just can't figure it out.

please?

posted March 28, 2004 02:32 AM         

I think when we truly, truly feel hatred towards someone it must be because we are capable of feeling great love for them as well. The only people that can hurt us this much are those we hold close to our hearts. Those who perhaps have betrayed our trust or rejected our worth.
I think when we feel we cannot let go of the hatred, anger, and resentment it is because deep down we wish to hold onto these feelings. We sometimes feel that if we let them go then we are betraying ourselves because logically and reasonably we have reasons to feel the way we do. The problem here is that matters of the heart rarely work on the same principals as those of the mind. Nevertheless, holding onto these negative feelings fills us with a sense of power. We may not be able to stop them from hurting us or turn back time so that they don't hurt us at all, but we can still hate them for how they've made us feel. If you're at all like me, you might even hate them for causing you to hate them in the first place.
I believe that in order to separate our minds from the situation we must try very hard to view it objectively. It is not easily accomplished, but it is possible with effort. Once you stop seeing yourself as a victim you can stop feeling like one. Try to pull yourself away from the situation and view it from a third party perspective ... as if someone else were in your shoes. This should then make it easier for your beliefs and true inner feelings to come to light.
If you believe in karma and reincarnation, you have many reasons, both emotional and mental, at your side to help you forgive. Look at the situation from the other person's perspective. Accept that everything happens for a reason and this is just another exchange of energy. Love can transmute negative energy into positive energy ... it is true alchemy.
Look inside yourself to see why this person has caused you so much pain, without giving in to the temptation to feel it again.
Then understand that this person cannot really hurt you anymore. Whatever actions or words they have taken in the past can only hurt you if you continue to let them.
We tend to hold onto pain because it feels very real to us. In allowing it to become your truth or reality, you deny yourself the ability to move forward and heal.
I don't want to sound trite, but pain is just another lesson. Learn it well and then move on. If you hold on to it, it's lesson will get lost.
Let it go, whether through ritual, meditation, prayer, dance, song ... whatever way you can make a physical demonstration of letting go. Ask your Higher S-elf, God/dess, or who/whatever you believe in to guide you and thank them in advance for their help and your healing.
Open yourself up and know that you are a beautiful person and deserve to feel positive things towards yourself and others. Then direct those positive feelings, mentally and verbally, towards the person you wish to forgive.
And you do wish to forgive them because if you didn't then it wouldn't be causing you so much turmoil. We cannot forgive someone until we feel ready to, including ourselves. So proceed to forgive yourself for any negative feelings you may have about yourself in regards to this situation.
As for forgetting, I think we should forget the negative feelings, but remember the lesson. Over time and through hindsight, you may uncover many other layers and lessons from this experience as long as you do not hold any bitterness in your heart.
It is quite likely that you will feel some unease around this person, especially if their behaviour continues. KNOW that they cannot hurt you again. They are probably lashing out against many things, even within themselves, so refuse to take it personally. If at all possible, find ways to distance yourself from this person physically until you can distance yourself emotionally and mentally as well. Try working some magick to help create a protective barrier around yourself. And don't forget the purple plates that Linda spoke so highly of. Even if you don't use the picture method to redirect the other persons energies, you can still use the plates to help raise your own frequency.
Love for this person will arise within you naturally, as well. You may not sense it immediately, but one day it will be clear to you. Imagine that through your efforts to overcome you have torn suffocating weeds from your being and have planted a seed instead. You may not be aware of its slow and steady growth, but one glorious day there will be beautiful flower smiling in its place.
Once you have forgiven this person and yourself, you might find it refreshing to do some charity or volunteer work ... to help other people. No one is ever really alone. We don't suffer or enjoy, sicken or heal in a blackhole. The ability to help others after such a trying experience will help solidify your positive feelings. It will help to begin a new flow of positive energy that is sure to return to you, and it will also be a gift to God/dess and the Universe for the help they gave you.

My thoughts and prayers are also with you. I have Faith that you can overcome this. Blessed Be.

posted March 28, 2004 02:39 AM         

You don't ask easy questions, do you?

There are some excercises you can try to help with your feelings...

1) Write a letter to the person that you are hating... really pour all your venom into it. When you are satisfied that you have been sufficiently vile... burn the letter in a pot so that you retain the ashes.
Take these ashes out to whatever qualifies as your backyard.. or a forest somewhere and bury those ashes. Before you bury them... in your mind's eye see a doorway of light (white light is good here) and look at the person as if they were standing on the other side of that doorway, really see them there. Now visualize a yellow ball coming from their solar plexus... this ball is any power that you have given that person during your association... you MAY or MAY NOT see some cords attached to this ball... if you do, they will dissolve when you pull the yellow ball through the doorway... this doorway of light is a filter that will cleanse your power so that you may take it back...then see that ball grow to whatever size feels right, then have that ball pass through that white light doorway and enter your body at your own solar plexus. In effect.. you are taking your power back. Now... tell this person that your contract with them is done, completed and now null and void. Now place that person in a bubble of light... pink would be good here, and then watch them fly off like Glinda in her bubble. (a la Wizard of Oz) When the bubble gets far enough away.. make it explode. This will NOT harm the person, just send the energy out to the universe for transmutation. Now... bury your letter's ashes and put the whole thing behind you. Your contract with that person is now complete.

2) See in your mind's eye a vertical rod with 2 spheres, one at either end of the rod. One end is Hate... this is at the top of the rod. The other end is Love. Some people find it helpful to FEEL as though THEY are the ROD. Think or say aloud, this represents a situation that is out of balance. I am now bringing this situation into balance. (or some words to that effect) Now all you do is turn the rod (or YOURSELF as the case may be) 180 degrees so that the Hate end is now at the bottom and the Love end is at the top. Any time you feel yourself thinking about that person... REVERSE the polarity of that rod. This invokes the Hermetic Law of Polarity, and will help to bring your feelings back into balance.

3) Any time you find yourself thinking about this person, mentally see them on the screen of your mind. Now take a big white paint brush and paint a big white X over their image. In your mind, or out loud, you may want to say: I neutralize this situation. Then let it go. Repeat as needed.

Try any or all of them as you see fit and see what happens.

I think the best thing that you can do for yourself is to allow the feelings to be there for a while, and not judge yourself for having them. Don't repress them... feel them... then let them go. With a little work and some of the exercises, I think you will find yourself feeling better and better.

Blessings...
A

posted March 28, 2004 07:25 PM         

= )

posted March 28, 2004 07:51 PM         

If you find it helpful.. you go for it! Those techniques are not of my creation, but I am merely passing them on in hopes of lightening another's load.

Isn't that what knowledge is all about?

In the Light...
A

posted March 28, 2004 11:16 PM         

what you both said is a tremendous help...seriously; i feel humble and so grateful in the light of such wisdom.

i'd like to add more in my response here, but can't stay long tonight, but will be back soon.

i just wish to express my deep appreciation to you knowflakes for taking time to reply with such kindness.

and Aselzion, the following, from a thread in your forum that Randall moved up today, further enlightened me about such things:

quote:

---

It would seem that we create a blueprint for our time here in Physical Reality. We create certain "contracts" if you will, with certain other Souls to come together at a particular place and time, and have a particular interaction.

There is your "Fate". Now, what we DO when we meet these Souls with whom we contracted is our Free Will Choice. Do we choose a love based or a fear based response?...

Ultimately, it is our resposibility to become One with our Higher Self, and presumably make more Spirit Based choices... but we are in Physical Reality for a reason, and there will be temptations of the senses that will deter us along the way.

---

wow. so ties in, right?

posted March 31, 2004 02:43 AM         

i agree that it is not easy to answer your question.
i see it like this. the pain i experience when people test my cool is my body reacting to the threat. my body wants to defend itself and survive.
i can feel my chest muscles swell and my blood burn in my veins. my mind also gets clever and cunning. it looks for attack and defense.

my body knows how to survive by any means necessary. this causes me a large amount of pain when dealing with people that i find to be a threat to my identity.

i have to tell myself to keep it cool. i feel like im training a wild animal! im the master and the wild animal is also here in me. the more i train the animal, the better i become at dealing with family, friends, and society.

prayer is 90 percent of it!

the beast wants survive talaith! its hungry for revenge, attack and defense! train it well and it will get strong. so will you!