posted November 18, 2004 02:28 AM         

Now Im grown up, Have I faced my demons? Or did they just leave? Because I no longer desire to do what I have done before, nothing about me is the same now except my higher-angel. Which leads me to conclude I am a different person. A better one?
Or is that the test? Are my demons only hiding, and one day could come out again?
Something says, no. They are gone, because when I became the new me, the demons left, and followed the old me. If a dog catches fleas from another dog, and that dog goes home, the fleas don't stay behind, the fleas will go along with the dog.

Asking why or how are not the questions I should be asking, what gives me the right to ordain that knowledge? How I make do with myself now is the most important thing.
The first thing that arised in my mind when I started to believe the demons left, is that it could very well be my ego justifying my actions and believing ME is a better person for it?
With that in mind, am I taking the easy way out for paying for my horrid actions?
Because they say it's not easy, and it's hard work to fix yourself for the better. If I were to say that my demons are still with me, and I had to work on them, I wouldn't know how, or when to start. But If I were to know I don't have those demons anymore, and that I don't need to face them, because I am a new me, then my ego will still enjoy knowing this anyway, and I still will feel better for it.

What I believe, and what I want to believe is like mashing up cooked potato and pumpkin, then trying to separated them both again.
The ego stays with the personality, ie. the person, but the S-ELF is dynamic and can choose by higher order to move about on the cosmic carousel. So the demons use the ego as an apparatus to fulfill their desires, but they are not attached to the ego, they are attached to the self.
The ego is practically the personality, and your individuality, which is so fragile and no fire walls have been 'installed', so the demons can use it at will by using your own creativity and own personality to go ahead and create a superficial identity for yourself.
Then you have no choice to act out desires that fullfill only the demons in your self, and your ego becomes entangled in this, and ego is a powerful force, it can make or break a person. That is why demons choose this channel to operate through, its so naked, so bear, so real, and so YOU.

To separate yourself from the ego is not the way, you must distinguish if it's really your Self or the demons talking, because they both battle with eachother all the time.
The devil on the shoulder against the angel on the other, is one of many REAL Truths that can be concieved and be autonomous with human minds.

posted November 18, 2004 08:52 AM         

I have tried to do that many times, but it tends to leave my brain in a hurry & kind of trips up on the paper / PC and looks back up at the reader as a daze of words.

I am constantly trying to decode my inner battles!! I can relate to what you're saying. I (kind of) feel like I've balanced my Karma and am on some sort of watered down 'instant karma' at the moment. I believe there has to be dark & light to balance an individual.

In response, I think you must have faced your demons to balance out your karma. Everyone has their own individual plan, so it's difficult to say without knowing you, what lessons you've learnt, and if they'll return. Perhaps you played out your experiences ~ did what you had to do as a karmic debt and realised that once it was done, it's now not your soul purpose for being here.

That's the best thing. Learning from your lessons as I'm sure you have since you seem very aware.

Daphne, if you center yours-Elf, you'll know if your ego's talking. Believing you're a better person isn't wrong ~ unless you think you're better by knowingly choose not to learn lessons and relish in creating chaos.

Pretty deep thoughts

posted November 18, 2004 07:55 PM         

Hmmm, there are certain words that I am losing the meaning of over time. One's becoming Ego. Another's respect. I mean, I kinda understand what they mean, but respect for instance only really comes in if you don't have any. Likewise, ego means maybe you have too much. But then, you could have a lack of ego, and hence be humble. Or too much respect and hence be arrogant, and maybe have too much ego.

Anyhow, I guess I'm saying ego is about I. If you realise we are all one, then there is no I. As us humans are fairly unevolved, it is quite understandable that everything we see is through our "own" eyes. I don't see through yours. Likewise, you through mine. Our filters are very strong. I'm not saying more evolved people see through millions of eyes, but just that they understand that all eyes are theirs, even if they can't use them.

Anyhow, I had wall paper when I was a kid taht was brown with weird flowers everywhere. I always thought these looked like demons from different perspectives. I never did anything wrong, this was just my imagination. However, as I grew up, I often made decisions that would almost kill me or at least, would diminish my chances of success over life. I basically had fun. I was sort of tempting God. I'd think "You think you can protect me? You think I can't escape you?" And of course, I realised that yes was the answer to both. Of course, people have their own experiences though.

I think the demons of which you speak are a similar thing. You are asking God what She can do for you. By banishing the demons, he's proving everything. But, She's also allowing you to experience these things too. Life isn't just about learning. Or earning.