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Author Topic:   fear of moving foward/fearing change?
virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 429
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted December 01, 2004 02:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Has anyone in here dealt with these fears? I've been trying for months to figure out why I seem to be stuck in a rut, and I finally think I'm starting to figure out some of the reasons why. So I know that I have both of these fears, pretty intensely...but I have NO idea how I work on them! I'm having a hard time finding information on the internet at all. I like spiritual, inspirational reading materials but they only pump me up for so long, usually the energy dies down before I can create action! I have 2 books on setting goals and they all say to work on very small goals to work up to bigger ones...that sounds all good but I have to figure out what I want first hahaha.

Any ideas? Anyone get over their fears? How'd you do it, I'm curious!

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LibraSparkle
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Posts: 4038
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004

posted December 01, 2004 03:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LibraSparkle     Edit/Delete Message
Here's a great book:

Beyond Fear: A Toltec Guide to Freedom and Joy : The Teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/1571780386/ref=sib_dp_pt/104-3330373-7891940#reader-link

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thirteen
Knowflake

Posts: 149
From: Rochester Hills, MI USA
Registered: May 2004

posted December 01, 2004 09:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for thirteen     Edit/Delete Message
From a fellow VIRGO here i say try to self analyze the exact type of tasks you like to do and take it from there. I mean break it down to the tiny est details first. Then try to incorporate that into bigger things and move forward from there. Also, not everything is the exact right thing to do but any action will lead to more action and eventually to what you like to do. Being idle is what you don't want to do.

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mnovak
Knowflake

Posts: 6
From: Toronto, ON, CANADA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted December 01, 2004 10:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mnovak     Edit/Delete Message
Create new fears. The fear of in-action is one that works. Fear and courage are the same thing.

You can either go and do something because you fear not doing it, or do it because you fear of what will happen if you don't do it. Courage is the fear of in-action.

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LibraSparkle
Moderator

Posts: 4038
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004

posted December 01, 2004 01:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LibraSparkle     Edit/Delete Message
I think the best lesson I learned about fear is: If you fear it, you MUST face it. We can't go around avoiding everything we are fearful of... especially if the thing we are fearful of is not a life threatening situation. If you are fearful of something that doesn't present eminent danger, it is a fear that must be faced.

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scorpbaby
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Posts: 306
From: Ny, USA
Registered: Jun 2004

posted December 01, 2004 04:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for scorpbaby     Edit/Delete Message
Hi VTT,
I have the same problem w/ being fearful of moving. Most of my fears seem trivial but are the cause of great anxiety for me. Like for one, I have a lot of anxiety being out in the world on my own. But I have no choice really because I'm away at school, ALONE. I didn't realize that this was actually a "fear of movement" until I read a book called "You can Heal Your Life". It's a very good book, but like you said about spiritual books "they only pump you up for so long". That's true, and I think that's why it's daily affirmations are really helpful. The book touches on a lot of other subject too, but mostly pertains to learning to change or "nuturing the willingness to let go". It has gorgeous illustration too! http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1561706280/104-5850298-9315149
Another book I came across was by an author that also writes about synchronicity, it seems really cool. The book is called "When Love Meets Fear" http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/080913702X/104-5850298-9315149
Personally I think I'm becoming a Self Help book Junkie

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LibraSparkle
Moderator

Posts: 4038
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004

posted December 01, 2004 04:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LibraSparkle     Edit/Delete Message
There are worse things, Scorpbaby

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sesame
Moderator

Posts: 547
From: Brisbane, QLD, Oz
Registered: Nov 2003

posted December 01, 2004 07:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sesame     Edit/Delete Message
Yes, many books. I was just thinking of something from Conversations with God. If you want to be happy, then he sayd to ACT happy, regardless of whether you are or not. This, he calls, is the Divine Dichotomy - there are many of these, I mean, how do you act happy if you're not? I can't really do it, as I feel I'm lying to myself. But by acting, you are creating.

Life is about either Reacting or Creating. Both words contain Acting, and in fact Reacting is an anagram of Creating. Instead of reacting to how you feel, try to create how you feel. I mean, I feel so much like a hypocrit sometimes saying this when I don't actually do it, but those that can't teach eh? Also, we teach what we try to learn. But more than that, maybe I secretly enjoy reacting. Maybe I don't want to change to be creative. Maybe I fear change and creativity myself? Nah, I'm just living, mostly waiting.

Heaps of Love,
Dean.

ps. I'm sure you'll figure it out - maybe your feelings are waiting for some art in which to express themselves?

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delerious
Knowflake

Posts: 83
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted December 01, 2004 11:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for delerious     Edit/Delete Message
I feel for you, I'm there. Baby steps....

keep thinking.. "What you fear you create"

if I tell myself "I need to find... or do... " maybe create that situation of need? Rather we should be saying "thank you in advance for the blessings + answers I have faith will be bestowed on me" Didn't Linda talk about that? That for what we desire to manifest we must have 100% faith? Not that I've been able to do this... think I'm talking to myself as much as you....

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sesame
Moderator

Posts: 547
From: Brisbane, QLD, Oz
Registered: Nov 2003

posted December 02, 2004 12:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sesame     Edit/Delete Message
Welcome!

Yes, that's another Divine Dichotomy, how do you have faith if you feel so low? You can;t teach someone faith, and yet, it is said that if you act like you have faith, then you will have it. It seems you can fool God.

Dean.

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delerious
Knowflake

Posts: 83
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted December 02, 2004 03:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for delerious     Edit/Delete Message
Or is God fooling us? Seems like we could get into an awfully big loop here....

behavioral conditioning in a sense - does the mask become the face or vise versa?

And does it really matter if the end product is what you need.. But aren't we supposed to focus on the journey? If I'm putting on a happy face (as I was brought up to do) aren't I denying my truth of the moment? (or re-creating it?)

I say somehow both are true... yes dichotomy is the word!!

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Kat
Knowflake

Posts: 229
From: Cleveland, Ohio
Registered: Jan 2003

posted December 04, 2004 10:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kat     Edit/Delete Message
Yep,
I have serious problems with change and moving forward; I can definitely relate to you. I haven't conquered my fears so I don't know what good my advice will be to you. I'm now on Lexapro for generalized anxiety and mild depression. I think knowing why we fear something unknown is essential to making a change. Sometimes I get perfectionistic and try to control what is going to happen -- I like seeing it layed out in front of me before I risk doing something. Then , I get into all the terrible possibilities of what can go wrong to the point of paralyzing myself into doing nothing. Alot of great opportunities have passed my by -- love, children (I'm too old now to have kids), I've passed potential relationships, ideal living situations --been stuck in ruts so deep I don't know how to get out. Thinking back on my life at some point I did not want turbulence in my life and wanted it cozy and safe, my homelife as a child was pretty explosive with tempers and my father getting layed-off all the time. My parents argued alot. I realize now that my playing it safe was my strange way of trying to avoid all this. What I know I need to do is get used to turbulance and less than perfect interactions with people. Risk more and clear out the cobwebs.Sometimes playing it safe is the most unsafe thing to do. Recently I decided my new mantra will be clear and heal. I've been cleaning and clearing out whatever physical, emotional, environmental "mess" I have - kind of creating a blank canvas so I'm not confused by irrelavant stuff around me. I've tossed out junk, donated to the city mission etc. and have found that I've been better able to see new possibilities much clearer. Taking pride in what you already have and improving upon it is great. I've bought new bedding, been doing some redecorating... I've decided that this would be a good way of creating new goals. I've had some goals that I clung onto for decades and by releasing them I can better make room for what is really intended for my life.I'm trying to plan less and come more from the heart than the head. We'll see what happens.

Well, I've written too much. My intention is that maybe something I've said will help you. I plan on checking out that Miguel Ruiz book. Take care. Try something different and spontaneous today and see what happens.

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OKANGEL
Knowflake

Posts: 83
From: USA
Registered: Feb 2004

posted December 04, 2004 09:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for OKANGEL     Edit/Delete Message
"Nothing is more likely to help a person overcome or endure troubles than the consciousness of having a task in life" Victor Frankl
Real Magic by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer has really helped me. Best wishes to you,
Kim

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 429
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted December 05, 2004 01:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Whoa! Tons of replies! AWESOME! Especially since I've still been stuck.

I'm definitely going to check out the reading materials listed here, I loooooove books especially ones that can help me with whatever I'm dealing with.

thirteen: i loved the advice about breaking everything down into the tiniest details and working on them first! The big picture could be what's stopping me. Being idle makes me intensely depressed!

I also liked the discussions about fears in here. I made a list of fears that I plan on working getting through within the next year.

I also liked the bit about creating how you feel! So neat! Especially since I like anything that's a creative endeavor And the part about maybe my feelings are waiting for some art to express themselves - I'm picking up my guitar starting tomorrow and starting to write songs.

I also have some goal making to do, didn't realize that! I had no goals the past few months, and I feel like I'm just going to fly off the face of the earth since I have no grounding. Goals are good!!!

But seriously, thank you everyone for your replies! They are all helping I swear, even at the very least to help give me courage to get up and start creating and getting through fears!

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delerious
Knowflake

Posts: 83
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted December 05, 2004 04:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for delerious     Edit/Delete Message
I keep marching forward with my baby steps....

Know we'll all get there (wonder where "there" is?!!)

------------------
"Too much sanity may be madness, and the maddest of all is to see the world as it is, and not as it should be" Don Quixote

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