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Author Topic:   Happy People!!!!
Solane Star
Knowflake

Posts: 3499
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 06, 2007 12:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solane Star     Edit/Delete Message
Happy People


The notion of "Happy People" was tossed around in the Robert-Lost-His-Mind posts as something ridiculous at best, dangerous at worst. One blogger equated "happy people" with "vacuous". The idea seems to be that "happy people" implies those who are oblivious to the realities of life, in a fantasy of their own creation, and without the ability to think critically. The science, however, suggests just the opposite.
Neuroscience has made a long, intense study of the brain's fear system--one of the oldest, most primitive parts of our brain. Anger and negativity usually stem from the anxiety and/or fear response in the brain, and one thing we know for sure--when the brain thinks its about to be eaten or smashed by a giant boulder, there's no time to stop and think! In many ways, fear/anger and the ability to think rationally and logically are almost mutually exclusive. Those who stopped to weigh the pros and cons of a flight-or-fight decision were eaten, and didn't pass on their afraid-yet-thoughtful genes. Many neuroscientists (and half the US population) believes that it is exactly this fear != rational thought that best explains the outcome of the last US presidential election... but I digress.

Happines is associated most heavily with the left (i.e. logical) side of the brain, while anger is associated with the right (emotional, non-logical) side of the brain. From a Society for Neuroscience article on Bliss and the Brain:

"Furthermore, studies suggest that certain people's ability to see life through rose-colored glasses links to a heightened left-sided brain function. A scrutiny of brain activity indicates that individuals with natural positive dispositions have trumped up activity in the left prefrontal cortex compared with their more negative counterparts. "

In other words, happy people are better able to think logically.

And apparently happier = healthier:

"Evidence suggests that the left-siders may better handle stressful events on a biological level. For example, studies show that they have a higher function of cells that help defend the body, known as natural killer cells, compared with individuals who have greater right side activity. Left-sided students who face a stressful exam have a smaller drop in their killer cells than right-siders. Other research indicates that generally left-siders may have lower levels of the stress hormone, cortisol."

And while we're dispelling the Happy=Vacuous myth, let's look at a couple more misperceptions:

"Happy people aren't critical."
"Happy people don't get angry."
"Happy people are obedient."
"Happy people can't be a disruptive force for change."


Hmmm... one of the world's leading experts in the art of happiness is the Dalai Lama, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989. Just about everyone who hears him speak is struck by how, well, happy he is. How he can describe--with laughter--some of the most traumatizing events of his past. Talk about perspective...

But he is quite outspoken with his criticism of China. The thing is, he doesn't believe that criticism requires anger, or that being happy means you can't be a disruptive influence for good. On happiness, he has this to say:

"The fact that there is always a positive side to life is the one thing that gives me a lot of happiness. This world is not perfect. There are problems. But things like happiness and unhappiness are relative. Realizing this gives you hope."

And among the "happy people", there's Mahatma Gandhi, a force for change that included non-violent but oh-most-definitely-disobedient behavior. A few of my favorite Gandhi quotes:

In a gentle way, you can shake the world.

It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honoured by the humiliation of their fellow beings.

But then there's the argument that says "anger" is morally (and intellectually) superior to "happy". The American Psychological Association has this to say on anger:

"People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake."

Of course it's still a myth that "happy people" don't get angry. Of course they do. Anger is often an appropriate response. But there's a Grand Canyon between a happy-person-who-gets-angry and an unhappy-angry-person. So yes, we get angry. Happiness is not our only emotion, it is simply the outlook we have chosen to cultivate because it is usually the most effective, thoughtful, healthy, and productive.

And there's this one we hear most often, especially in reference to comment moderation--"if you can't say whatever the hell you want to express your anger, you can't be authentic and honest." While that may be true, here's what the psychologists say:

"Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge."

And finally, another Ghandi quote:

"Be the change that you want to see in the world."

If the scientists are right, I might also add,

Be around the change you want to see in the world.

Remember the flight attendant's advice... you must put on your own oxygen mask first.
http://headrush.typepad.com/creating_passionate_users/2006/04/angrynegative_p.html


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Solane Star
Knowflake

Posts: 3499
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 06, 2007 12:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solane Star     Edit/Delete Message

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Skyhawk
Knowflake

Posts: 17
From: Kansas
Registered: Aug 2007

posted September 06, 2007 03:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Skyhawk     Edit/Delete Message
From another happy person: AMEN

Love the visual too.

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Solane Star
Knowflake

Posts: 3499
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 06, 2007 03:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solane Star     Edit/Delete Message
Welcome Skyhawk!!!

Love that screen name of your's!!!

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Unmoved
Knowflake

Posts: 151
From: South Africa
Registered: Jun 2007

posted September 06, 2007 04:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Unmoved     Edit/Delete Message
I wouldn't go as far as saying that I am a happy person, but saying I'm an unhappy person wouldn't be true either, it all depends...

...but the logic point you touched on above, that "happy people are more logical..."

...is it because they are happy that they are logical, or is it because they are not afraid? I've always thought that fear is the culprit (fear being in you or not) that determines how one calculates data...

...or are happy people more likely to be unafraid?


"Fear is a mind-killer." Frank Herbet, author of Dune.

Hello Skyhawk.

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fayte.m
Knowflake

Posts: 7854
From:
Registered: Mar 2005

posted September 06, 2007 07:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fayte.m     Edit/Delete Message
Unmoved
I personally feel happiness comes from not fearing change in life circumstances. It is being able to still appreciate simple pleasures. And loving ones self too.
Realizing also one can not please everyone.
Yes, fear is indeed the mind-killer, and at the base of unhappiness, fear off loss, fear of change, fear of the what ifs, fear of rejection, fear of failure...fear fear and more fear.
There are folks who are unhappy who are in perfect health. There are others who find happiness even if not in perfect health. There are unhappy rich folk and happy poor folk. One person's idea of happiness could be another's idea of hell.
Fear begets denial and delusion as a coping mechanism, and so we see the happy happy joy joy folks who seem a little too happy to believe, and like the clown, are actually crying or deeply sad and angry underneath the
flamboyant facade of happiness and peppy social face.
Perspective counts.
Truly happy folks can accept sad times, disappointments, pain and loss, etcetera, and find a way to deal with it and learn from it and move forward.
Denial and blocking the trials of life out is not coping. One can keep saying everything is A-OK over and over, or I am Happy, like some desperate mantra but that form of self hypnosis does not make them truly happy deep inside. It only covers their pain. Ever notice in the news of folks talking about suicide victims?
"But she, or he seemed sooo very happy! Why did they kill themselves?"
Then there is of course clinical depression in which the actual brain chemistry is messed up and the person cannot be happy. Or the manic depressives, or bi-polars, who are over the top peppy and happy one moment and hostile and or deeply depressed the next moment.
------------------
"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over and start a rehab for the damned!"
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
Everything changes.
Fear not the changes.
"My body is physically disabled, but I am not my body nor am I its disabilities!"
}><}}}(*> <*){{{><{
~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~

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Unmoved
Knowflake

Posts: 151
From: South Africa
Registered: Jun 2007

posted September 06, 2007 11:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Unmoved     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks Fayte...

On 'my' quest to this "ever happy" state, through years of research, I have discovered that, for me, fear is my bubble-burster... Only when I am unafraid, am I really free... free to be happy, sad, confused, etc. Free to be me.

Neale Donald Walsch gave me an "aha" moment years ago, by clearly illustrating that:

Love = Freedom = God = Life = Infinite = Eternal,

...and that when one of these are not present, none of these can be present.

"Acceptance" of self (no matter how bizzare one is) is another great happy pill. Just as long as that self-acceptance does not turn into a complacency that stifles one's personal development.

Thanks Fayte

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fayte.m
Knowflake

Posts: 7854
From:
Registered: Mar 2005

posted September 07, 2007 12:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for fayte.m     Edit/Delete Message
Unmoved
I love your reply.
And Neale Donald Walsch's books are some of only a few of that venue I highly recommend!
I do have a comment on the following:
quote:
"Acceptance" of self (no matter how bizzare one is) is another great happy pill. Just as long as that self-acceptance does not turn into a complacency that stifles one's personal development.
I would add that self acceptance does not mean being an obnoxious bully or nasty person, because as I have heard some folks say of themselves..."I like me! I accept me! If you don't like it then go f--k yourself!", and other such things, such as, they feel they have a right to do their own thing, and be themselves, at all costs, even if their "being themselves" is an invasion of another's space or privacy, or peace of mind, etcetera.
One must love and accept self but be willing to improve self, and be honest with self to be able to correct any personal flaws.
When one is not afraid to know themselves, not afraid to be brutally honest with themselves; then one can then begin to emotionally and spiritually evolve. Until then it is only denial and deluding ones self into thinking..I love myself, and so therefore must be perfect the way I am!
Hope that made sense!

------------------
"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over and start a rehab for the damned!"
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
Everything changes.
Fear not the changes.
"My body is physically disabled, but I am not my body nor am I its disabilities!"
}><}}}(*> <*){{{><{
~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~

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Solane Star
Knowflake

Posts: 3499
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 07, 2007 02:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Solane Star     Edit/Delete Message
Your so right there!!!

Thanks!!!!

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fayte.m
Knowflake

Posts: 7854
From:
Registered: Mar 2005

posted September 07, 2007 07:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for fayte.m     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you.

------------------
"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over and start a rehab for the damned!"
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
Everything changes.
Fear not the changes.
"My body is physically disabled, but I am not my body nor am I its disabilities!"
}><}}}(*> <*){{{><{
~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~

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Unmoved
Knowflake

Posts: 151
From: South Africa
Registered: Jun 2007

posted September 08, 2007 12:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Unmoved     Edit/Delete Message
I agree with that completely.

I didn't feel to mention it because it is obviously not a loving thing to be abusing others, not to them or to yourself... of course... it made great sense... no you're right on the money there.

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fayte.m
Knowflake

Posts: 7854
From:
Registered: Mar 2005

posted September 08, 2007 01:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fayte.m     Edit/Delete Message
Unmoved{{{HUGS}}}
Thank you.

------------------
"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over and start a rehab for the damned!"
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
Everything changes.
Fear not the changes.
"My body is physically disabled, but I am not my body nor am I its disabilities!"
}><}}}(*> <*){{{><{
~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~
~~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~

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ListensToTrees
Knowflake

Posts: 1265
From: the capricious clouds, in the land formerly known as
Registered: Jul 2005

posted September 08, 2007 04:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ListensToTrees     Edit/Delete Message
Everyone:

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