posted November 19, 2007 11:13 PM         

Preparing For Death and Helping the Dying –
A Buddhist Perspective
By Ven. Sangye Khadro
http://www.dharma.org.il/texts/Preparing.html

The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
Rinpoche
http://www.scribd.com/doc/283419/Rinpoche-The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

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Other men are lenses through which we read our own minds.

posted November 19, 2007 11:16 PM         

by Lama Zopa Rinpoche

During the illness the main thing is to take care of the dying person's mind. Many others can take care of the body, but we can take care of the mind.

The most worthwhile thing to do is to inspire the person to think of others with loving kindness and compassion, to wish others to be happy and free from suffering. If a person dies with the thought of benefiting others, their mind is naturally happy and this makes their death meaningful.

You can teach the person taking-and-giving meditation (tong-len; taking upon oneself others' suffering and giving others one's happiness) or loving kindness meditation (metta), according to the capacity of their mind. If the person has a more strong nature of compassion, a "brave mind," they will be able to do tong-len, to take others' suffering and give out happiness. If the person can do tong-len, it's the best way to die, as it means dying with bodhicitta. His Holiness the Dalai Lama calls this a "self supporting death." For those who don't think others are more important than themselves, wishing others happiness and to be free of suffering is easier.

It's very important to know the person's mind. You can teach according to their capacity: check at the time, use your own wisdom and judge how profound a method to present to them. It would be best if you could give the dying person some idea of the death process according to tantra; the evolution of the dissolution of the elements, the senses, the consciousness, all the way to the subtle consciousness.

For the person who has lost their capacity to understand because of coma, dementia, etc., there is not much possibility for them to understand. We should aim to help them at least get a precious human rebirth. This should be our aim, not necessarily that the person believes in karma, for example, but that they die with a positive, happy mind, loving kindness, compassion; this is our precious gift. Our main aim is to take care of the physical body so that we can take care of the mind, to transform their mind to the positive so that at least the person can die without anger, desire, etc.

You should learn various methods to benefit the mind, calm down the mind, to benefit now and in the future. Get an idea of what level of method to offer.

If one visualizes Buddha, in the mind or outside, for example, or watches the conventional nature of mind, its clarity, other thoughts such as anger and attachment do not arise. If one can do this at the time of death, according to the person's mind you can talk about the "fully enlightened being" rather than the Sanskrit "Buddha." Talk about God if that's more skillful; compassionate God or loving God, or Omniscient One. Explain to the person that the nature of their mind, their heart, is completely pure; that the fully enlightened one, God, is compassionate to everyone, including them. Get them to think that their loving heart is oneness with God: the kingdom of God is within. This frees people from guilt, anger, their negative thoughts.

Initiations, vows don't protect from the lower realms; one just creates more negative karma after receiving or taking them and reaccumulates the karma for a lower rebirth. But mantra, for example, helps eventually attain a higher rebirth after their negative karma is used up. Even if the person doesn't want to hear mantra, it leaves a positive imprint on their mind, so that sooner or later they'll meet the path and have the ability to practice teachings, to clear obscurations and attain enlightenment. Even if they get angry hearing mantras and die with an angry mind, it's still better than not hearing mantras and staying peaceful. In this way, step by step, a person's karma brings them to the Mahayana path and to enlightenment. Arhats get stuck, while the Mahayanist gets enlightened, even if the arhat starts off with the higher rebirth.

When the person is dying

If you have studied the death process, you will be able to recognize the stages of a person's consciousness is going through, what elements are absorbing, and so forth, when the person is actually dying.

It is better if the family don't cry, as this creates clinging in the mind of the dying person. There are sounds to help the consciousness at the time of death, sounds that benefit, mantras, etc. Other than this, keep quiet and don't make any sounds. You should teach the family how to create this atmosphere.

It is okay to medicate pain in order to help the person to be able to think. But medicating for mental anguish is not okay. Sedation before death prevents working out bad karma. Anguish becomes fruitful if the person can experience it. It is hard to tell the difference. Often families want the patient medicated, but it is more for their own comfort than the patient's.

At death, invite the sangha to chant mantras nicely, in an uplifting way, as the Chinese do. When they chant like this, the person feels that nothing is more important than Amitabha Buddha. They feel protected and supported, guided.

Chanting the Thirty-five Buddhas' names* is extremely powerful, people can come there and chant together. Also, the five very powerful deities' mantras* normally used in Jangwa to liberate those dying and the dead, and to purify living ones and liberate those in the lower realms. Giving Breath to the Wretched* has powerful mantras, and is the text to use to help.

You can place a stupa on the person's chest or let them hold it. It purifies negative karma each time the stupa touches them. Even if the consciousness has already left the body it can still be beneficial to touch the body with the stupa. This is also good to do with babies or with people who don't understand. Even to a non-Buddhist you can say that the stupa is for peace or healing or purification. The person can visualize light rays coming from the stupa.

It is also good to have a few stupas on hand for healing or to dispel spirit harms. Also, a sheet of paper with the ten great mantras written on it can be put on the dying person's body while reciting the dedication prayer at the end of this.

When the breath has stopped

The very first thing you could do after the breath has stopped is Medicine Buddha practice* as a group or individually (for animals as well), chant the names and the mantra: Medicine Buddha made a promise that whoever chants his name and mantra, that all their prayers and wishes will succeed. The power of the prayer has been achieved by Medicine Buddha, so it's very powerful for their prayers to succeed. Of the ten powers, one is prayer, so pray as if you are the Medicine Buddha's agent, on behalf of the being who has died.

Then you can do Amitabha powa (transference of consciousness to a pure land), then other practices.

You can recite Sang Chö, The Prayer of Good Deeds (commonly known as The King of Prayers)*. At funerals it is also good for everyone attending to read it together.

You can recite the Namgyelma (Ushnisha Vijaya) mantra twenty-one times, then blow on water, sesame seeds or perfume or talcum powder, blessing it with the mantra, and then sprinkle that over the dead body. The Namgyelma mantra is very powerful for purifying; it is best to recite the long mantra if possible, but the short mantra can also be recited.

If it is written on a cloth or paper and placed on a mountain top or roof and if it is written on cloth or where the wind can blow it, whoever is touched by the wind receives blessings and their karma is purified. Circumambulating a stupa that contains the mantra purifies all the karma to be reborn in the hot hells.

When the breath stops, in Tibet you would not touch the body until a lama in the village did powa; this is important. Look for signs that the consciousness has left the body (after powa), for example: the white drop, like pus or water from the nostril or, for a woman, blood and water from the lower part. First pull the hair in the center of the crown towards the back, so that the consciousness comes out through there. Also, hair falls out from the back of the head.

Preparing for death during life

His Holiness the Dalai Lama says that is it difficult at the time of death to really meditate as you did in life. If during your life you couldn't meditate well, then you can't at death, you can't hold the concentration.

The essence is to have accumulated merit and done purification in every day life in your relationship with sentient beings; to have served others with a sincere heart, loving kindness and compassion, to have done the hard work to benefit them. And to have made offerings to the Guru Triple Gem.

Practicing the good heart during your life, that is, bodhicitta, purifies so much negative karma, even very heavy karma, and it stops creating more negative karma. It is this negative karma that makes the mind experience fear of death. Especially, bodhicitta stops the immeasurable suffering, the suffering rebirths, that arise later from these negative actions. And you should live in morality, the precepts, taking the precepts from a spiritual master or in the front of holy objects.

It is very important to integrate into your life the Five Powers and to learn the Five Powers to be practiced at death. These are very special practices to achieve enlightenment quickly. They involve powa, transference of consciousness at the time of death into a pure land. In the pure land one receives teachings on the Vajrayana, which enables one to achieve enlightenment in one lifetime. How effective the powa is depends on how well one practices the Five Powers at death. And this depends on how well one does the general practices in the life.

The Lam-rim explains the four ways to accumulate powerful, extensive merit. One should attempt this in every day life, while doing all the normal activities, eating, sleeping and walking, etc., rather than the actions being done out of worldly desire, samsaric attachment.

Creating a conducive environment for the dying

(advice to Tara Home, a hospice to be established at Land of Medicine Buddha in Soquel, CA)

Make the place as beautiful as possible: a calm, peaceful, serene, holy environment is so important. There should be beautiful views, beautiful art, flowers, Tara images. Flowers give a very special spiritual feeling. The point is to create a positive imprint on the person's mind. By being there, the person is not afraid of dying, their mind is elevated. When families come, they see it's a nice place and want to come, a place that makes them feel there's no need to be afraid of death.

Because of His Holiness the Dalai Lama's wisdom and compassion, more and more people are feeling comfortable with Buddhism these days. We need to help people have an open mind to different methods. You can make it clear to people that Tara Home is Buddhist, then if they're okay with that, they can come.

The religious tradition of the residents depends on their prior practice in daily life. Advice you give them depends on what you have been doing yourself—lam-rim, thought transformation—how one has been practicing in daily life, and not just sitting meditation. In general, Mahayana has much to offer to the dying, or to anyone with problems. And Highest Yoga Tantra is the only system that offers a real explanation of death. The precise instructions only exist in the Highest Tantra, not in other traditions. Only general instructions are given in other traditions, not explanations in terms of the subtle consciousness, winds, chakras, etc.

posted November 19, 2007 11:28 PM         

from the Contents:

The Original Hospice: The Art of Dying Well

A Vision from the Past: God's Hotel

Our Cultural Bias: Death is the Enemy

Ancient Books of the Dead

*Egyptian Book of the Dead: A Greater Light

*Celtic Books of the Dead: Spiritual Midwivery

*Gnostic Books for the Living and Dying: Bridge Between East and West

*Tibetan Book of the Dead: Coaching the Soul

*Monastic Books of the Dying: Prescriptive Care

What the Books of the Dead Have in Common:Lessons for Us Today

posted November 19, 2007 11:54 PM         

quote:

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Foreword

This book is the first English language translation of the famous Tibetan death text, The Great Liberation upon Hearing in the Intermediate State. Also known as the Bardo Thodol which means "liberation by hearing on the after death plane" (Bardo: after death plane, Thodol or Thotrol: liberation by hearing), it was originally written in the Tibetan language and is meant to be a guide for those who have died as they transition from their former life to a new destination.

The work has been traditionally attributed to Padma-Sambhava, an Indian mystic who was said to have introduced Buddhism to Tibet in the 8th century. Legend has it that while visiting Tibet, Padma-Sambhava found it necessary to conceal sanskrit works he had arranged to be written. The Tibetans of that time were not ready for the spiritual teachings contained therein, so he hid his texts in strange and remote locations, leaving them to be discovered at a later time when their spiritual message could be received by those with an open mind.

The most famous of those that discovered and revealed Padma-Sambhava's writings was Karma Lingpa who was born around 1350 CE. According to his biography, Karma Lingpa found several hidden texts on top of a mountain in Tibet when he was fifteen years old. Within those texts, he found a collection of teachings entitled The Self-Emergence of the Peaceful and Wrathful Deities from Enlightened Awareness. These teachings contained the texts of the now famous Great Liberation upon Hearing in the Bardo.

The Tibetan Book of the Dead was first published in 1927 by Oxford University Press, London. Dr. Walter Y. Evans-Wentz coined the title because of parallels he found with the writings of the Egyptian Book of the Dead. The paperback and hardcover editions of the book contain extensive notes by Evans-Wentz about the conclusions he drew from the translation which, some say, were greatly influenced by his involvement with Theosophy and neo-Vedantic Hindu views. A later edition of the book includes commentary by the renowned psychoanalyst, Dr. Carl Jung, whose insightful essay illustrates that this Tibetan text goes beyond a study of Tibetan culture and reaches into a psychology that has great relevance to the western world.

This e-book, made courtesy of Summum, represents the edited English translation taken from the first edition. Based upon our copyright status research, this edition appears to be in the United States public domain. If you believe this to be incorrect, please contact us with information as to why so that we may review your information and remove this e-book if necessary.

Summum.TV

The Tibetan Book of the Dead can be quite difficult to read and understand since it was written for a different audience. However, we offer video broadcasts of readings of the book that include insightful discussions of its contents within the context of the Summum philosophy, the Summum rites of Modern Mummification, and what Summum terms as "Transference." Transference is that period of transition between one life and the next that occurs just before, during, and after death. The video discussions greatly help convey the intent and meaning of the book since they are in terms more easily understood by the western world.

The video may be accessed by clicking the links that appear along the left side of the pages. You will need RealPlayer in order to watch the video. RealPlayer is available from Real Networks. Look for the basic player which is available for free.

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posted November 20, 2007 12:11 AM         

The Bardo Thodol teaches that once awareness is freed from the body, it creates its own reality as one would experience in a dream. This dream occurs in various phases (bardos) in ways both wonderful and terrifying. Overwhelming peaceful and wrathful visions and deities appear. Since the deceased's awareness is in confusion of no longer being connected to a physical body, it needs help and guidance in order that enlightenment and liberation occurs. The Bardo Thodol teaches how we can attain Nirvana by recognizing the heavenly realms instead of entering into the lower realms where the cycle of birth and rebirth continue.

The following is a description of the bardo realms that one travels through after death.

The First Bardo

The first bardo comes at the very moment of death, when there dawns the Clear Light of the Ultimate Reality. This is the very content and substance of the state of liberation, if only the soul can recognize it and act in a way to remain in that state. The instructions intended to be read at the moment of the person's death are designed to help him do this. He is told, first of all, to embrace this supreme experience not in a selfish and egoistic way but rather with love and compassion for all sentient beings. This will aid him in the second step, which is to realize that his own mind and self is identical with the Clear Light, implying that he himself IS the Ultimate Reality, "the All-good Buddha", transcending time, eternity, and all creation. If he can recognize this while in this supreme state at the moment of death, he will attain liberation - that is, he will remain in the Clear Light forever. This condition is called the "Dharmakaya", the highest spiritual body of the Buddha.

Most souls, however, will fail to do this. They will be pulled down by the weight of their karma into the second stage of the first bardo, called the Secondary Clear Light seen immediately after death. At this point, there are separate instructions to be read according to the spiritual condition of the person while in life. For an individual advanced in meditation and other spiritual practices, there is repeated over and over the same instructions as at the moment of death, enjoining him to recognize himself as the Dharmakaya. For a person who was still at a student-level on the spiritual path, there is the injunction for him to meditate on his "tutelary deity", that is, the particular god for whom he performed devotional practices while alive. Finally, "if the deceased be of the common folk", unpracticed in any spiritual disciplines, the instruction is to "meditate upon the Great Compassionate Lord", which is to say an "Avatar" worshipped by the multitude, equivalent to Jesus as conceived by the average Christian.

The Second Bardo

If the soul is still not liberated at this stage, it will descend into the second bardo, which is said to last for two weeks. The second bardo is also divided into two parts; in the first, the soul of the deceased encounters what are referred to as "the Peaceful Deities." On each of the seven days, a particular Buddha-being will appear in radiance and glory, with a bevy of angelic attendants. At the same time, on each day in turn there will shine a light from one of the six worlds of the Buddhist universe, called "Lokas" (the basic meaning is "place"; our English words "location" and "locale" are derived from the same Sanskrit root).

On the first day of the second bardo, there appears to the soul the divine Father-Mother - that is, the supreme deity of the universe, transcending all dualities, including the division into sexes. The next step in the destiny of the soul is determined by his reaction to this God. If his life on earth was well lived, he will now be in a state of purity and grace, and he will enter into the joy of the God and attain liberation. If on the other hand he has lived an ignoble and impious life, the effects of his bad karma will cause the intense radiant presence of the God to strike fear and terror in his heart, and he will be drawn instead to the softer light of the Deva-Loka, which has dawned along with this deity. This is still a fairly attractive fate, for the Devas are the Gods (or angels), and their Loka is equivalent to the Christian heaven; however, the Buddhist teaching is that even heaven is not the highest spiritual objective, because it is still only a temporary state in the manifest universe. Liberation is believed to be the only final and permanent resting-place for the soul, an un-manifest state beyond all existence.

On the second day, there appears the second-highest God in the Buddhist pantheon - in fact, he is actually the Second Person in the literal Buddhist Holy Trinity. At the same time, there dawns a smoky light from hell; and here we note that, just as the Buddhist heaven is not a permanent, eternal state, neither is its hell. Even the most wretched souls will eventually work their way out of even the deepest pit of hell, just as even the highest and purest souls will eventually lose their footing in heaven and descend again into the cycle of death and rebirth. Liberation is the only way out.

Once again, if the soul responds to the "dazzling white light" of the second God with the joy of a pure heart, he will be liberated thereby; but if he specifically reacts with ANGER from having indulged in this vice on earth, he will recoil from the light in fear and be drawn into hell.

The pattern is repeated on the third day; this time it is the fault if egotism that will cause the soul to react to the God with fear, and he will be drawn to the human world, where his next incarnation will thereby take place. On the fourth day dawns the God of Eternal Life; if the soul has a negative reaction to him because of miserliness and attachment, he will be drawn toward rebirth in the Preta-Loka, a world of "hungry ghosts" who have huge stomachs and throats the size of pinholes, and so they wander about in a constant state of unsatisfied ravenous desire. On the fifth day comes God in the form of an Almighty Conqueror; this time it's jealousy that will unseat the soul, and he will be born into the Asura-Loka, a world of fierce warrior-deities (or demons). On the sixth day all the deities return and dawn together, along with the lights from all six Lokas. On the seventh day there appear the Knowledge-Holding Deities, who are more fierce and demonic-looking than those that have previously dawned; and in fact they are sort of a transitional element to the next stage of the second bardo, where the soul encounters the wrathful deities. Meanwhile, if because of stupidity the soul cannot face the Knowledge-Holding Deities, he is drawn toward the Brute-Loka - that is, he will be reborn on earth as an animal.

In the second week of the second bardo, the soul meets seven legions of Wrathful Deities: hideous, terrifying demons who advance upon him with flame and sword, drinking blood from human skulls, threatening to wreak unmerciful torture upon him, to maim, disembowel, decapitate and slay him. The natural tendency, of course, is for the soul to attempt to flee from these beings in stark, screaming, blood-curdled terror; but if he does, all is lost. The instructions at this stage of the Bardo are for the soul to have no fear, but rather to recognize that the Wrathful Deities are really the Peaceful Deities in disguise, their dark side manifesting as a result of his own evil karma. The soul is told to calmly face each demon in turn and visualize it as the deity it truly is, or else as his own tutelary deity; if he can do this, he will merge with the being and attain the second degree of Liberation, that lesser aspect of it which is now the best he can hope for here in the second bardo.

Furthermore, he is told to awaken to the fact that all these fearsome creatures are not real, but are merely illusions emanating from his own mind. If he can recognize this, they will vanish and he will be liberated. If he can't, he eventually wanders down to the third bardo.

The Third Bardo

In the third bardo the soul encounters the Lord of Death, a fearsome demonic deity who appears in smoke and fire, and subjects the soul to a Judgment. If the dead person protests that he has done no evil, the Lord of Death holds up before him the Mirror of Karma, "wherein every good and evil act is vividly reflected." Now demons approach and begin to inflict torments and punishments upon the soul for his evil deeds. The instructions in the Bardo Thodol are for him to attempt to recognize the Voidness of all these beings, including the Lord of Death himself; the dead person is told that this entire scene unfolding around him is a projection from his own mind. Even here he can attain liberation by recognizing this.

The soul who is still not liberated after the Judgment will now be drawn remorselessly toward rebirth.

The lights of the six Lokas will dawn again; into one of these worlds the soul must be born, and the light of the one he is destined for will shine more brightly than the others. The soul is still experiencing the frightening apparitions and sufferings of the third bardo, and he feels that he will do anything to escape from this condition. He will seek shelter in what appear to be caves or hiding-places, but which are actually the entrances to wombs. He is warned of this by the text of the Bardo Thodol, and urged not to enter them, but to meditate upon the Clear Light instead; for it is still possible for him to achieve the third degree of liberation and avoid rebirth.

Finally there comes a point where it is no longer possible to attain liberation, and after this the soul is given instructions on how to choose the best womb for a favorable incarnation. The basic method is non-attachment: to try to rise above both attraction to worldly pleasures and repulsion from worldly ills.

The final words of the Bardo Thodol are: "Let virtue and goodness be perfected in every way."

posted November 20, 2007 12:23 AM         

by Rob Nairn

also described as “Practical wisdom from The Tibetan Book of the Dead”

In everyday language, Rob Nairn presents a modern Western interpretation of this classic text of Tibetan Buddhist instructions for dying. Working with the premise that the mind and its habitual tendencies continue after death, Nairn explains the importance of preparing for the journey by cultivating authenticity, self-acceptance, compassion, and wisdom. With instructions for meditation, expansion of consciousness, and lucid dreaming, Living Dreaming Dying guides the reader through the daunting process of facing death without fear.

Reviews

• “The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a guide to liberating the mind from illusion in the bardo of death. In order to accomplish this, it is necessary to train the mind in this life by developing kindness, compassion, and wisdom. Rob Nairn is offering a modern psychological perspective with the hope that it will be easier for people to understand and apply these ancient teachings to their lives. Rob’s work to benefit beings has my blessing.”

  —HIS HOLINESS THE 17TH KARMAPA OGYEN TRINLEY DORJE

• “Rob has studied and practised for many years under great masters. This book will benefit many beings.”

  —HIS EMINENCE THE 12TH TAI SITUPA

• “Rob Nairn integrates the insights of Jungian psychology with the teachings of Tibetan Buddhism to explain the relationships between day-to-day life, our experience of dream, and the opportunity for enlightenment that arises when we die. This excellent book speaks directly to the reader in a style free from jargon, and shows with great clarity how we can begin right now to prepare for a skillful death.”

  —FRANCESCA FREMANTLE, author of Luminous Bliss and co-translator [with Chögyam Trungpa] of The Tibetan Book of the Dead

• “Beautifully written, Living, Dreaming, Dying is at once a profound description and an accessible guide to the most fundamental aspects of ourselves—the great mysteries of birth, death, and what lies between. Highly recommended.”

  —JOSEPH GOLDSTEIN, founder of Insight Meditation Society, Barre, Massachusetts and author of One

  Dharma: The Emerging Western Buddhism
  

Full description

Living Dreaming Dying, Rob Nairn’s third book, embraces the flow of human consciousness through the cycles of life, dream and death. It addresses in very clear and practical terms the ‘grand and gaping enigma’: death and dying. If we train and make friends with our minds in life, we have a chance of recognising what is happening in death. This recognition can result in liberation or enlightenment.

Rob uses everyday language and psychological examples to interpret The Tibetan Book of the Dead. Specific Tibetan terms are explained and contextualised. Rob offers practical guidelines and exercises on how to apply this ancient wisdom in our daily lives.

The book is in four parts.

• Part 1 The Greater Scheme of Things presents methods to identify our habitual psychological patterns and how we stenghten whatever we focus on. It is this stream of consciousness that flows though life, dream and death: ‘we die as we have lived’. Dream is discussed from the neuroscientific, psychological and Buddhist perspectives. The profound role of the five elements (earth, air, fire, water and space) is detailed in life and the dying process.

• Part 2 Making friends with the mind takes us on a journey beyond the intellect, discussing actions that cause suffering – both to ourselves and to others. projection, and how to let go of our illusions: emotions such as attachment, resentment and fear. guidelines and exercises show how to work skilfully with these emotions.

• Part 3 Helping the Dying and the Dead takes a practical look at how we can comfort and be of benefit to those dying and dead.

• Part 4 Training for the Moment presents a series of simple methods of training the mind for freedom from suffering in life and in death. The major focus is on compassion - the wish-fulfilling jewel. The training is a guide to open the heart to benefit self, others, all sentient beings and the world.
  

posted November 20, 2007 01:09 AM         

This topic is most thoughtful and caring of you!
You did a great job compliling all this awesome and useful information

posted November 20, 2007 02:00 PM         

quote:

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There should be beautiful views, beautiful art, flowers, Tara images.

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Sometimes all it takes is just a beautiful person.

posted November 20, 2007 03:10 PM         

Thanks for posting this

posted November 21, 2007 02:54 PM         

There is plenty of advice out there on how to live better but I think is important to learn how to help people (and ourselves) die more peacefully too. I think it's a subject most people would rather not think about, though an important experience we will all face eventually. Why not learn the ropes and make the best of it? My Moon, North Node, and Pluto in the 8th house wants to Know
(moon in virgo wants to be of service).

Happy to hear the info will be put to good use.

posted November 21, 2007 03:09 PM         

Live a passionate life in whatever you do (scientists/maths/honest preachers, not the hypocrite ones/healers/medical professionals/etc) and then leave the body.

posted June 24, 2008 01:28 PM         

Sacred Passage: How to Provide Fearless, Compassionate Care for the Dying
by Margaret Phd, Rn Coberly

From Library Journal
Health professionals are often sadly lacking in the training needed to deal with bereavement. A nurse who's worked in trauma centers and hospice settings for more than 35 years, Coberly was already an R.N. when her brother was diagnosed with cancer, from which he died, but she had had little helpful experience in relationships with terminally ill patients. Subsequently, Coberly learned about Tibetan Buddhism's view of death: it is not something to be feared but a perfectly natural happening, ordained to all of us. Coberly well addresses three topics: Western healthcare's view of death, Tibetan Buddhism's approach to dying, and advice for people who care for the terminally ill, both professionals and family members. She offers concrete recommendations for dealing with the dying, including what not to do or say, citing numerous examples based on her years of nursing experience. Also included is an extensive list of recommended readings. Recommended for public and academic libraries, and as a gift for anyone who may be in contact with a terminally ill friend, relative, or patient. Mary Prokop, Savannah Cty. Day Preparatory Sch., GA
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review
"A gift for anyone who may be in contact with a terminally ill friend, relative, or patient."— Library Journal "An important book for both caregivers and patients. Coberly compellingly demonstrates how terminally ill people can experience emotional and spiritual healing, even when they cannot be cured."
—Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing

The American Book of Dying: Lessons In Healing Spiritual Pain
by Richard Groves , Henriette Anne Klauser

Book Description
Dying raises fears and questions as old as humanity: What is a good death? What can the dying teach us? How do we prepare for death? How can you best support a dying friend or relative? Written for the non-professional caretaker, THE AMERICAN BOOK OF DYING is an invaluable resource that offers comfort, direction, and hope for those living and those dying. Drawing from real-life experiences, authors Richard F. Groves and Henriette Anne Klauser present a collection of nine stories, each illustrating a common archetype, as well as insightful, timeless lessons gleaned from each experience. THE AMERICAN BOOK OF DYING gives you permission and courage to trust your deepest instincts, as well as a reminder that, by telling the stories of those who have died, we remember and continue to learn from their experiences.

From the Publisher
*A collection of nine stories written for the nonprofessional caretaker, addressing common questions that arise when caring for someone who is dying. *Features extensive information and resources, including various therapies that ease the pain of the person you are caring for. *Includes a historic overview of the hospice movement, tracing the principles of the sacred art of dying back to ancient roots in the monastic, Celtic, Tibetan, and other traditions.

posted June 24, 2008 01:39 PM         

Every nurse needs to read this book, November 12, 2003
By A Customer

This book was such a surprise to me. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear what was in it. I think all nurses, everywhere,
would get something out of what this book talks about. By the title it seems like it's a book for people who are dying, but it seems just as useful for anyone who cares about people whether they are dying or not. I am so glad that another nurse friend of mine gave me this book to read. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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Comment

THE BOOK has been written!, March 12, 2002
By Barbara W. Shirland (Honolulu, HI United States) - See all my reviews

posted June 24, 2008 02:43 PM         

Verse 6

yam yam vapi smaran bhavam tyajaty ante kalevaram
tam tam evaiti kaunteya sada tadbhavabhavitah

O Son of Kunti (Arjuna), that thought with which a dying man leaves the body determines -- through his long persistence in it -- his next state of being.

THE ENTIRETY OF A HUMAN LIFE is preparation for the final examination at death. A man, suddenly finds himself at death's door, reviews in a flash the thoughts and desires and habits of his entire life. He is quickly invaded by one overwhelming feeling or desire, whose nature will be in accordance with the character of his life. He may feel predominantly guilty, for his evil actions; or predominantly happy, because of his good deeds; or predominantly worldly because of his material activities. Whatever his feeling, it is the determining cause that will lead him to a particular part of hte astral worlds and then to another suitable incarnation on earth, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." *

* Proverbs 23:7

From God Talks With Arjuna
The Bhagavad Gita
Royal Science of God-Realization

The immortal dialouge between soul and Spirit
A new translation and commentary

posted June 24, 2008 02:57 PM         

" A good death does honor to a whole life. "
Petrarch

" The art of living well and the art of dying well are one. "
Epicurus

posted June 27, 2008 10:35 AM         

Thanks for the read(s)!!!

And what good timing you have!

Had to let go of a 21 yr old (gangbanger), earlier this week, who dranked and drugged himself to death...that sucked...for the family.

blessings

posted June 27, 2008 10:54 AM         

Their hospital rooms are not filled with "spirit" or life as we know it, they are somewhere else, somewhere far away.

I know that families hang on for many reasons, but I could never figure out why the families can not feel the absence, the vacancy.

Thier loved ones are not longer "here."

Hangin on by a soul's toe, is how I often describe it.

I have felt life leave abruptly. A pet rabbit died traumatically in my arms, I felt life then I felt the life/spirit leave.

These very infirm patients that I care for in the ICU do not die like this. Their life and spirit is just not there.

posted June 27, 2008 12:40 PM         

"There is no greater gift of charity you can give
than helping a person to die well."
-Sogyal Rinpoche
The Tibetan Book of the Living and Dying

"If death is a part of God's plan for us, there must be a sacred dimension to it."
- Rabbi Harold Kushner

"Near or far,
Hiddenly
To each other linked are,
That thou canst not stir a flower
Without troubling of a star...
-Francis Thompson

"Like scientists, if we discover upon
examination that certain states of mind are
unwholesome in that they bring us suffering and problems, then we should realize the
significance of this insight and seek a way
to eradicate them."

posted June 28, 2008 01:50 PM         

I think it could really help many people work through their death denial and fears. The author walks you through the stages and the natural process of what happens to the consciousness after the last breath and the heart stops beating. We take our mind with us. That is why our thoughts throughout our life and especially at the moment of death are so important. They set the stage for our afterlife & next incarnation back into this world or another.

It's amazing how afraid and just plain unaware people are, especially people in the medical establishement, on this subject. Why dont people prepare and educate themselves more, seeing as any of us could go at any time and all will eventually. I could go before a person with a terminal illness that has been given three months to live; you just don't know. People think it's morbid to talk or think about it. It's a natural process and something that we will all go through and should be looked at as an opportunity and a gift.

Death is another birth, not a failure. We celebrate births, why not death? It's a miracle, a sacred passage and people should be educated on the process to help their loved ones and themselves exit peacefully as possible.

In the Tibetan tradition it is customary and important to leave the body in a peacful environment for three to four days. The dying process is still going on even though the person has stopped breathing and their body is offically dead. Care should be taken not to handle the body too roughly or disturb it as often is the case nowadays. You can still talk to the person and they will be able to "hear" you on a different level now in those first few days. There is a great prayer in the book you can say to help the dying person understand what is happening and help them through the beginning stages peacefully.

i'll type something out from the book for anyone interested:

quote:

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"In the East the cultivation of a realistic view about the inevitability of change and the inescapability of death is regarded as very important. In Tibetan Buddhis psychology, a lack of death awareness is considered to be the door to all troubles, because failure to cultivate an awareness of death allows worldly desire to grow without restraint and virtuous action to be postponed. It is said that if a person doesnt remember the possibility of death first thing in the morning the entire day will be spent in the pursuit of self-centered, short-term gains and the welfare of others will be of little concern. To consider the welfare of others is important in the Tibetan Buddhist view because kind ind generous motives transform negative forces in the mind, and when a person replaces negative tendencies with positive ones, suffering is diminished both now and in the future. To act in a way that eases suffering - not just superficially and temporarily, but perfectly and forever - is a fundamental requirement for happiness according to this tradition. The Buddha said, "Our own intentions are athe b est way to be kind to ourselves." Genergous intentions towared others can diminish suffereing for anyone, even people who are "brutal and intent on their own aims". It is easy to directly observe the effects of having good intentions or bad ones: for example, how the momentary happiness that is caused by vain goals and self-centered concers often turns to disappointment and becomes a sourse of long-term dissatisfaction. In the words of the Dalai Lamma, "The more selfish and self-centered you remain, the more lonely and miserable you become."

Tibetan Buddhism posits that an altruistic motivation is likely to arise naturally in people who realize that the problems and miseries associated with birth, aging, sickness, and death are shared universally and equally by people everywhere. No person wants to suffer, yet ironically, all people must endure the greatest suffering there is -- death. To realize and reflect on the truth of death and how all of us are equal at the moment of death can weaken boundaries and foster compassion. The Tibetan Buddhist death meditation nurtures a compassionate point of view by reminding a person that death, in the end, will level even the greatest king. The meditation is a simple but profound technique to begin facing death, even for those Westerners who have had little or no exposure to death and dying.

The Tibetan Buddhist Death Meditation

Tibetan Buddhism advocates daily reflection on death not for the purpose of generating anxiety or sadness, but for making death more familiar now wso that it wont be such a shock later. In this view, training the mind to remember the inevitability and unpredictability of death helps to both increase awareness of the present and erode illusions about the future. Like much of Tibetan Buddhist doctrine, the death meditaion is laid out in a precise and exacting manner. The three root ideas of the meditation are (1) death is certain, (2) the time of death is uncertain, and (3) at the time of death nothing is of value except the condition of the mind. Each root idea has three specific reasons to support it, and each ends with resolution.

1. Death is certain

No one can elude death.
Any life diminishes without interruption.
There is little time for spiritual practice and improving mental tendencies.

RESOLUTION: Since death is certain, I resolve to practice teachings to improve and transform the condition of my mind.

2. The time of death is uncertain.

The life span of a human being is very uncertain.
Many circumstances lead to death.
The body is weak and susceptible to harm.

RESOLUTION: I resolve to practice spiritual teachings and transform the condition of my mind, now, while there is still time.

3. At the time of death nothing is of value except the condition of the mind.

Friends and relatives cannot accompany a person at death.
No material possessions can accompany a person at death.
The body is of no further use after death.

RESOLUTION: I resolve to practice spiritual teachings and transform the condition of my mind, now, while there is still time, without further procrastination.

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