posted December 28, 2007 09:30 AM         

I was smelling flowers in the yard, and when
I stood up I took a deep breath and the blood all
rushed to my brain and i woke up dead on my
back in the grass. I had apparently fainted,
or died, for about sixty seconds. My neighbor
saw me but he thought I had just suddenly
thrown myself on the grass to enjoy the sun.
During that timeless moment of unconsciousness
I saw the golden eternity. I saw heaven. In it
nothing had ever happened, the events of a
million years ago were just as phantom and
ungraspable as the events of now or of a million
years from now, or the events of the next ten
minutes. It was perfect, the golden solitude, the
golden emptiness, Something-Or-Other, something
surely humble. There was a rapturous ring of
silence abiding perfectly. There was no question
of being alive or not being alive, of likes
or dislikes, of near or far, no question of giving
or gratitude, no question of mercy or judgement,
or of suffering or its opposite or anything.

It was the womb itself, aloneness, alaya vijnana
the universal store, the Great Free Treasure, the
Great Victory, infinite completion, the joyful
mysterious essence of Arrangement. It seemed
like one smiling smile, one adorable adoration,
one gracious and adorable charity, everlasting
safety, refreshing afternoon, roses, infinite
brilliant immaterial golden ash, the Golden Age.
The "golden" came from the sun in my eyelids,
and the "eternity" from my sudden instant
realization as I woke up that I had just
been where it all came from and where it
was all returning, the everlasting So, and
so never coming or going; therefore I call it
the golden eternity but you can call it anything
you want. As I regained consciousness I felt so sorry
I had a body and a mind suddenly realizing I
didn't even have a body and a mind and nothing
had ever happened and everything is alright
forever and forever and forever, O thank you
thank you thank you.

posted December 31, 2007 03:30 PM         

The way I see it, there are two possibilities:
Either it is all an illusion, or
It is an illusion yet there is more to it than that- some sort of purpose?

Who knows.

Is it a sin to end one's life?
Does it matter?
If "some are born to sweet delight",
And "some are born to endless night".....

Then who can say if something is wrong or right?

I'm not saying either.
Just expressing some thoughts.