posted April 18, 2016 12:46 AM            

After deeply thinking about these two experiences I realized that I had possibly found my Guardian Angel. I wasn't even sure if I believed in that, but this seems to fit me so well. I struggle with repressed memories as a child but I remember this presence, in times of danger I remember it telling me what to do and how to survive. I remember all the times I wanted to give up and felt my lowest that I had a little voice in the back of my head that had that same presence as the one I had heard. I was born on January 7th, that date is ruled by the planet Neptune in Capricorn, the angel Asariel rules planet Neptune and Capricorn. In some cases he also rules Pisces. For some reason, water has always calmed me and made me feel nurtured/calm, I remember running away to the lake as a child and spending all day at the ocean whenever possible because it felt so calming. I collect shells, shark teeth and various other ocean objects because it calms me. In fact, my room is ocean themed and it has green and Neptunian colors entwined. I also love the color emerald and wear an emerald ring and earrings for strength when I get sad. I am an empath and also have psychic visions/dreams. When I was a child I was scared when my dreams/visions would come true and I told my dad and mom about them. When my vision came true about the death of a man we had come in contact with my mother beat me and told me I was possessed by the devil. Then she put me in therapy and thought I was schizophrenic (which was disproved by psychiatrists). I never told anyone about my gift again, but that presence told me that I wasn't possessed or crazy and that I was gifted. I could never figure out why I had such a strong connection to these things since I don't have much water in my chart, but now the parallels between what makes me calm/happy and Asariel are astounding for me.

Emerald is Asariel's gemstone, Asariel has dominion over the waters of the world and life forces within ourselves, he watches over emotions and the ebb and flow of life, encouraging creativity and teaching through dreams and inner wisdom. I found out that he is indeed an Archangel. He also governs these things: spiritual concepts, illusionary matters, the unclear, the imagination, dreams, psychic impressions/powers, discerning the non-physical, visions, the discovery of truths or rumors, contact with the dead, bewitchments, optimism, opportunity, expansion, enlargement and works involving religion, faith and law, and deception.

After learning all of this it has become clear, Asariel is my Guardian Angel. So after this long rant I want to know, do you believe in guardian angels? Do you know yours? If yes, how did you discover your guardian angel?

posted April 18, 2016 09:51 AM            

Actually, one story of a guardian angel was deeply disturbing. Long story short, the Archangel Michael was invoked to protect the apartment of a new convert and soon after was raped by a serial rapist named Michael. There's more to it as well, including on the spooky side. It seemed as if anyone was protected by mystical forces, it was the rapist. (My personal THEORY is that she had a lot of repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse in a religious setting that manifested an evil synchronicity. In no way is this meant to "blame" her, rather it's how abuse and trauma can leave scars even on the soul at an occult level.)

And though I'm fine with what you shared here, I'll add that I deeply resent those emails (sometimes called "glurge") that talk about how those who have faith and all are protected while others are not because the angels protect one good girl by making her invisible, but don't stop the rapists they from raping the next, with the implications that it's the victim's fault. And yet plenty who believe are themselves victims, probably because they carry the attitude of "God is bigger than anyone else" and they can be blamed by others as well, it's just a bad attitude that needs to be stamped out, no matter how comforting it is to those who have been lucky so far.

posted April 18, 2016 10:08 AM            

There was some similarity to the intense shroom experience I had a year earlier, and given that I was skipping meals and living on the streets as I had this vision, it's entirely possible that some of the shrooms psychotropic qualities stored in my fat was released into my system in this moment of intense stress...this doesn't invalidate it in my mind as what I was "told" (more of a telepathic knowing, there were no actual words used, and for a lot of it I have to use a "rough translation" whether speaking of "interaction with metaphysical entities" while on the shrooms or later having a vision of a goddess) was accurate enough, and I was apparently reading minds while on shrooms (something even a sober person attested to, spreading through the town that I had a demon in me that allowed me to read minds--btw, in this case it wasn't a telepathic knowing, for the most part I thought people were talking to me, but they all said they only thought it and wanted me to butt out of their private thoughts). Furthermore, later research and talking with others made me realize that I wasn't the only one to have such a vision, that it was not unique to me, and therefore I was tapping into something that transcended myself.

For many years I believed this goddess was real (that is, a literal individual on another plane of existence, something of a superhero) rather than a metaphor or idealized form, and that She Sang me into existence (the mother of my soul). As I grew more agnostic, I thought of other reasons how and why I might've had such a vision, and it does make sense. I'd learned that the adult world was chaotic and untrustworthy, and even hostile, but I could still (usually) take care of myself. Given how badly the system betrayed me (and would again if I went to adults for help), and that I was 15 and on the streets, having faith in a higher entity was not a good idea, rather I had to believe in myself because ultimately that's all I had (friends notwithstanding).

Furthermore, I was raised on the media (primarily books, starting with Pippi and Dorrie the Little Witch from the first books I read, which started a theme as I grew older) of powerful girls who were independent (sometimes even living on their own, even as a child) and stood up for themselves, and that could have shaped my mind (and later vision) as well, just as such also contributed to my character.

Given that the vision of the goddess included the message that I had to become strong to stand against the "giants of Ragnarok" then that was a message to me to stop thinking like a child in which I merely reacted, thinking of myself as near helpless next to the adults, and instead start shaping my own reality as I embraced my own power and adulthood. My attitude did change and it was a shock to some (and would later shock adults who expected me to sullenly submit rather than openly and boldly fight back, and create and execute my own proactive plans). And the "giants of Ragnarok" could easily be the courts, schools, corrupt cops, predatory perverts, violent pimps, and all the others that were ending my world so a new me could be born (btw, for what it's worth, Pluto was transiting my Sag stellium at this time, though there are other interesting transits of the time that may have been involved).

posted April 18, 2016 10:22 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I was stopped from suicide (after a friend of mine was killed) by a vision of a goddess, the vision telling me this one time not to break, and if I did, then to do so more informed than I was before the vision. Interesting enough, she told me not to be like the others forever seeking to bee eternal children to their gods, even crawl back into the womb that spit them out, but that I must grow up and learn to stand on my own feet so that I could stand next to her against Ragnarok (rather than hide behind her).

There was some similarity to the intense shroom experience I had a year earlier, and given that I was skipping meals and living on the streets as I had this vision, it's entirely possible that some of the shrooms psychotropic qualities stored in my fat was released into my system in this moment of intense stress...this doesn't invalidate it in my mind as what I was "told" (more of a telepathic knowing, there were no actual words used, and for a lot of it I have to use a "rough translation" whether speaking of "interaction with metaphysical entities" while on the shrooms or later having a vision of a goddess) was accurate enough, and I was apparently reading minds while on shrooms (something even a sober person attested to, spreading through the town that I had a demon in me that allowed me to read minds--btw, in this case it wasn't a telepathic knowing, for the most part I thought people were talking to me, but they all said they only thought it and wanted me to butt out of their private thoughts). Furthermore, later research and talking with others made me realize that I wasn't the only one to have such a vision, that it was not unique to me, and therefore I was tapping into something that transcended myself.

For many years I believed this goddess was real (that is, a literal individual on another plane of existence, something of a superhero) rather than a metaphor or idealized form, and that She Sang me into existence (the mother of my soul). As I grew more agnostic, I thought of other reasons how and why I might've had such a vision, and it does make sense. I'd learned that the adult world was chaotic and untrustworthy, and even hostile, but I could still (usually) take care of myself. Given how badly the system betrayed me (and would again if I went to adults for help), and that I was 15 and on the streets, having faith in a higher entity was not a good idea, rather I had to believe in myself because ultimately that's all I had (friends notwithstanding).

Furthermore, I was raised on the media (primarily books, starting with Pippi and Dorrie the Little Witch from the first books I read, which started a theme as I grew older) of powerful girls who were independent (sometimes even living on their own, even as a child) and stood up for themselves, and that could have shaped my mind (and later vision) as well, just as such also contributed to my character.

Given that the vision of the goddess included the message that I had to become strong to stand against the "giants of Ragnarok" then that was a message to me to stop thinking like a child in which I merely reacted, thinking of myself as near helpless next to the adults, and instead start shaping my own reality as I embraced my own power and adulthood. My attitude did change and it was a shock to some (and would later shock adults who expected me to sullenly submit rather than openly and boldly fight back, and create and execute my own proactive plans). And the "giants of Ragnarok" could easily be the courts, schools, corrupt cops, predatory perverts, violent pimps, and all the others that were ending my world so a new me could be born (btw, for what it's worth, Pluto was transiting my Sag stellium at this time, though there are other interesting transits of the time that may have been involved).

Ultimately, it's a chicken or egg question. Was my life as it was to bring me to this point, or was this point just another stepping stone on the path I was already on? In any case, Freya was exactly who I needed. And the vision not only saved my life, but also transformed it into something better. And that could be seen as a spiritual guardian or advisor of sorts, though not in the way most think of it.

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Yes, the logical side of me agrees you 100%. I think my biggest struggle with faith in general has been well if there is a god/goddess or gods/goddesses and guardian angels then why did all the abuse and horrible things happen to me, also if they do exist why would they be okay watching that and not intervening? I would never shame someone for being a "bad victim" since I'm also a victim of sexual abuse and child abuse.

It's strange that you mentioned the Archangel Michael, my catholic family has this weird obsession with him yet they are all abusers and ask for his protection. So I've actually always hated the thought of Michael the Archangel because as a child I used to think that there was something wrong with me that I didn't earn his protection.

Also, as a someone heavily involved in science, especially neuroscience I understand that the brain is capable of incredible things. Also I am a type one diabetic and before I was diagnosed I would have sleep paralysis, horrible nightmares and dreams when my blood sugar would drop in the middle of the night.

I know this sounds wish washy but I honestly don't think I believe in what I posted anymore. It was late at night and I was very depressed, and I was just clinging to some type of hope. The rationalist in me knows that. I think I've really struggled with spirituality because I am a rationalist and I can disprove so many things so quickly but the dreamer in me wants hope and to believe that a higher power does care. Wishful thinking. I guess I miss the thought that suffering has a purpose. I know I probably sound crazy but I'm still young yet and I was raised by religious fanatics, so it's hard to split completely from something that was such a big part of my life for such a long time.

posted April 18, 2016 10:28 AM            

When he was (IIRC) about 10 or so, he heard a breathing under his bed that terrified him. He'd eventually make friends with it, and after it was unable to say its name, finally went by the name of "Timothy." He'd talk out loud with the spirit, and once freaked his mother out because while she was eavesdropping, Timothy told him about it and they talked about her being outside the door (his mom only heard his voice, not Timothy's, but he heard Timothy's voice like a physical voice).

Timothy appeared in his dreams as a blond boy his own age wearing white, and would show him things, including the future. This wasn't "sort of," but incredibly detailed and accurate. (He also had such dreams without Timothy, and about this time he also went into a mall on its opening day and knew where everything was as if he'd been there hundreds of times, and this also freaked his mother out as he was telling her where everything was before they got here, and his mother knew he couldn't have possibly been here before. I'm just throwing this in for what it's worth, it didn't seem Timothy was necessary.)

Hmm...he told me around that time that he took some pills to kill himself (he was raised in a very abusive home, it sounds like something from a Stephen King story) and had a dream in which he was with a family he never knew but felt loved, and it drove away his suicidal feelings. I bet this was just before Timothy showed up! Though it's possible it was after Timothy left. (I have his email and I'll ask, but it usually takes him awhile to answer.)

He doesn't know why, but at some point Timothy stopped talking to him or entering his dreams. But a few years later, as he was a teenager, he was caught in a gigantic pool as artificial waves were generated. He was more tired than he realized and found he couldn't make it back. He accepted he was going to drown when he saw a blond adult male lifeguard yelling at him, ordering him to come to him. Being a boy, he instinctively did as he was told, though it seemed impossible. As he made it, utterly exhausted, he realized that the lifeguard saved his life, and he looked up...to see no such lifeguard around. Furthermore, the lifeguard had worn white swim trunks, and Timothy in his dreams always wore white, so he figured that was Timothy.

But he's never had contact with Timothy again (he's in his 40s now), not even when he tried. But after a concussion as an adult that made him even more psychic, he had strange visions where he was guided to help people, and he did...and one day, many years later, he'd help me (though I came real close to stabbing him as he came close to me, but he was psychic enough to know just where to stop and how to get me to trust).

So in a sense, he's here to help others because spirits and angels can't do it all.

posted April 18, 2016 10:50 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Mergoatsun:
I think I've really struggled with spirituality because I am a rationalist and I can disprove so many things so quickly but the dreamer in me wants hope and to believe that a higher power does care. Wishful thinking. I guess I miss the thought that suffering has a purpose. I know I probably sound crazy but I'm still young yet and I was raised by religious fanatics, so it's hard to split completely from something that was such a big part of my life for such a long time.

---

You don't sound crazy, and I've entertained some bizarre notions myself. I'm a bit tired of sharing by now, otherwise I'd give some pretty wild examples.

So I'll just leave you with this commentary. While it's a review of a Buffy ep, I start it where the reviewer talks about existentialism and absurdism that shaped the story, but also that this is why our choices matter:
http://youtu.be/KiJ7Kscpyks?t=4m6s

It's worth hearing to the end, getting downright beautiful to me as it comes to a close. But brief summary: "The power to live a meaningful life resides in each of us." And, "However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light."

Or put in comic form recently (I came across this just yesterday):

posted April 18, 2016 04:22 PM            

Though I'm sorry for your troubles.

I read a lot of spiritual books where people talk about their spirit guides. The latest was Valkyries by Paulo Coelho, a true account (he says) of meeting his guardian angel in the desert.

In this case the angel physically appeared to him and spoke to him.

The story was convincing.

posted April 19, 2016 03:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I've wondered about some of the people I've encountered being angels in disguise.

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Which would beg the question, why are they in disguise?

There's a very detailed roleplaying game that has a type of celestial (angelic being) do that, in part because to be discovered will banish them from our world(s) for a thousand years, but also because they seek to inspire others with their example rather than intimidate us (mortals are unlikely to follow their example if they think "you can only do that if you're an angelic being" and it can cause mortals to make decisions they otherwise wouldn't if they knew they were dealing with angelic beings) or foster dependency on them, which they believe lessens us.

In terms of fiction, there's a movie called Bridge to Terabithia (the 2007 version with Josh Hutcherson and AnnaSophia Robb) in which it makes a lot more sense if you see the strange little girl as an angel in disguise sent to aid and inspire people in that town, especially to nurture the boy's artistic talent rather than him giving up on it all and giving in to bitterness like his father (and even in grief, they can expand their capacity for love and connection, including between the boy Jess and his father, which would've probably never happened had she not made her impact). Seriously, watch it with that assumption, it makes so much more sense than she was an ordinary (or even extraordinary) little girl! (Especially with her family being TOO perfect. And perhaps they, following a secret angelic agenda, were also doing their own thing to help just as the angel disguised as the little girl was.)

I've also wondered what it would be like in stories if there were "equal but opposites," say like the very opposite of dementors in Harry Potter (so they took away all negativity by their presence, and filled everyone with hope)...and would that necessarily be a good thing?

And then there are movies and shows based on that, but I've seen very little of them. Some are similar in concept, like Quantum Leap, which I've also seen very little of.

posted April 20, 2016 03:37 PM            

Too long to explain again. This probably doesn't make sense if you don't recall where I've explained it before, but I don't feel like taking the many paragraphs to explain it again.

But as he had me trapped in a garage, he used a flashlight to try to find me, which makes me think he was human, or at least confined to a human body. But given that he "walked wrong" (*) then I'd say he was a "walk-in" sent to spread evil. There was a lot of strange and disturbing events in that region, and I also recall a guy chasing me while shrieking horribly, too, and I don't know why.

(*) By "walking wrong," I mean, for want of a better way to describe it, like someone who wasn't entirely used to walking. As someone raised by alcoholic 'rents, I'd learned to pay very close attention to subtle details that let me know what to expect next, and so perhaps it was more obvious to me. But he didn't strike me as even human, more like something that had taken over a human body, or had taken human form, but wasn't fully pulling it off right. I've thought a lot of what happened back then, but I don't really know, and I don't even know for sure if there was a genuine human body involved (though the vivid and terrifying memories let me know SOMETHING was there, perhaps my 11-year-old brain wasn't capable of understanding what was happening in the way an adult would, but someone, or something, DID chase me and corner me in a garage).