Posts: 564
From: somewhere in the Green Mountains, VT
Registered: Jun 2004

posted July 19, 2004 02:26 PM         

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Child 'Very Sorry' for Slapping Teddy Bear

CARY, NC-—Arthur Hollis, 8, delivered a heartfelt apology to his favorite, most-special teddy bear, Raymond, after slapping him across the face and knocking him off the bed Monday. "I don't know why I do it, Raymond," Hollis said to the stuffed bear as he cradled it in his arms. "I'm very sorry. I'll never do it again, I promise." Hollis' father Daniel reported that his son has a history of domestic toy violence, harassment of the family cats, and wild outbursts after consuming too many gummi bears.
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The Onion News source

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Posts: 185
From: Another timezone
Registered: Jul 2004

posted July 19, 2004 05:27 PM         

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haha.. for real?? Onion's the best sometimes!

siiiggghhhh

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Posts: 5122
From: www.Heaven.Home
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posted July 19, 2004 07:18 PM         

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If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot

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Posts: 1246
From: California
Registered: Oct 2001

posted July 19, 2004 07:21 PM         

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see what sugar does! I swear, when I have kids, NO SUGAR! NO JUNK FOOD.

It's wonderfully cute and noble that he apologizes to them.

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Posts: 839
From: New England
Registered: Mar 2003

posted July 19, 2004 11:42 PM         

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Am I nuts to think that's a little creepy?

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Posts: 564
From: somewhere in the Green Mountains, VT
Registered: Jun 2004

posted July 20, 2004 02:22 AM         

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LOL!!! Oh! I'm sorry! I guess some of you havent heard of "The Onion". It's a hysterical fictional newspaper. The articles are absolutly hilarious. This was just one of the articles from the "News in Brief" part in of one of the issues.

Also:

6 - Year-Old Cries When Told MTM Productions Kitten is Dead By Now

RYE, NY—Following a WKRP In Cincinnati rerun Monday, 6-year-old Megan Connor was devastated to learn that the mewling orange kitten in the MTM Productions logo has almost certainly been dead for years. "All I said was that that kitten was around back when I was a kid, so it probably died 15 or 20 years ago," said father Bruce Connor, 39. "Now she won't come out of her room." Megan's parents plan to forbid Megan from watching Family Ties reruns for fear of having to explain the whereabouts of Ubu.

Local Woman Dies of Lost Cell Phone

APALACHICOLA, FL—Catherine Polk, 24, died at a local Starbucks Monday afternoon, due to complications resulting from the tragic loss of her cell phone. "It was horrible—Cathy didn't have any of her numbers written down anywhere else, and she was waiting on a call about last-minute tickets for a concert," said best friend Melissa Barreth, who was with Polk when she first discovered that her Cingular V400 quad band/GSM cell phone was not in her purse. "We tried everything to find it, but in the end, there was nothing we could do." The coroner's report confirmed that Polk died of a sudden lack of wireless service.

Old Friend Avoided in Hometown Convenience Store

HARWICH, MA—Boston graphic designer Kirk Bannon ducked out of a Harwich Stop 'N' Shop convenience store Tuesday, successfully avoiding contact with store cashier and onetime high-school classmate George Moseley. "George and I were in Mr. Telscher's first-period biology class together," said Bannon, 26, who was back in his hometown for a friend's wedding. "Looks like he's an assistant manager." After sneaking out of the Stop 'N' Shop, Bannon drove to a Gas 'N' Go three blocks away to purchase a gallon of milk and a New York Times.

I Refuse to Let Some Beached Whale Ruin Our Family Outing http://www.onion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=4025
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Posts: 564
From: somewhere in the Green Mountains, VT
Registered: Jun 2004

posted July 20, 2004 03:16 AM         

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Don't quite know why I posted it in "Heathcliffe's Corner" - but I did.

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From: www.Heaven.Home
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posted July 20, 2004 08:30 AM         

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Nope Tink. I found it so as well. Sadly children abusing their toys is all to common after they have lived a life of abuse

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If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot

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Posts: 564
From: somewhere in the Green Mountains, VT
Registered: Jun 2004

posted July 20, 2004 01:33 PM         

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It's just a joke people.

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From: www.Heaven.Home
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posted July 20, 2004 10:48 PM         

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I guess it`s just different perspectives

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If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot

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Posts: 839
From: New England
Registered: Mar 2003

posted July 20, 2004 11:01 PM         

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Honestly, it sounded more like a horror story to me.

But the lady dying from cell-phone loss was awfully funny.

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Posts: 185
From: Another timezone
Registered: Jul 2004

posted July 21, 2004 08:06 AM         

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Yup, I see what you guys are saying on the creepyness & why it is upsetting but I did see (the post) as a joke since I watched a spoof sketch similar to it recently, plus it's the Onion. I know Tara didn't mean any harm

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