Posts: 398
From: Northern Ireland
Registered: Jul 2013

posted August 04, 2013 12:43 AM            

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I have really become sick of my life and I wish I could change it.I feel out of place in this world and I feel like I really hate humanity. I do Believe God exists but I have very little faith in him or love for him.I think that Satan exists to I doubt and hate him just like I do God and the rest of humanity.I don't want my life and fate to be in God,Satan's or human hands.I don't want to go to hell and doubt I'll get to heaven.I was curious to know if there was any way I could become something that wasn't human any more and not be damned to hell or punished by God.
I would like to be able to take another form and be free to roam the world and do as I pleased.The concept of fairies interests me because they are supposedly fallen angels or spirits supposed to be are to evil for heaven and to good for hell and are free to roam the earth.I am not saying I necessarily have to become a fairy.I'd be happy as long as I could take another form and not be punished by God if it was even possible.

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posted August 04, 2013 01:05 AM            

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Moving this to Divine Diversities.

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posted August 04, 2013 01:24 AM            

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I was going to say look into Zen Buddhism.

and then.... I just said it. lol

It might be helpful to you at this point.

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posted August 04, 2013 01:32 AM            

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I feel lucky that I never got attracted much to fairies, or witches, or mythical creatures (besides a couple of them ONLY slightly, as muses, and even then, I tried to steer clear of typical mythology or fantasy type art/philosophy). Thinking back, it was really uncool to be into that kind of thing when and where I was growing up anyway. I wouldnt say that's why I am turned off by that whole ....genre in general, but it does play a part. When I think of fairies and warlocks and and all of that it screams "white trash". I know it's not always true, but you will often find low level people studying these things intensely. It's like first grade of spirituality....

yeah,....i said it.

*ducks*

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posted August 04, 2013 01:43 AM            

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Thanks for your suggestion about Zen Buddhism.I don't think im peaceful or loving enough to go down that route.Plus I would probably have to become one with humanity which the very thought makes me want to projectile vomit like Regan from the Exorcist.
Im going to be honest I couldn't care if this sort of thing is really trashy or crazy or evil.If there really was a way to give up my humanity without being punished for it I would do it.

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posted August 04, 2013 01:46 AM            

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I hear you. You will find the right path/answer for you. Don't give up.

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posted August 04, 2013 01:59 AM            

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I think all anyone is ever trying to do, or battling with - no matter what their religion or non religion, is the ego/false self. That's the "devil" or what they want to suicide or kill or understand better or make peace with. Many eastern philosphies go into depth with this. It might be worth looking into.

p.s. I know what you mean about wanting to projectile vomit over much of it. LOL

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From: San Diego CA, USA
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posted August 04, 2013 02:18 AM            

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I'm not a fan of religion, but I agree that Buddhism as a philosophy may be helpful for you. It's not anything like what you assumed in your above response. In fact certain schools of Buddhism encourage practitioners to go beyond their sense of humanity, or attachments to concepts like love and peace.

From personal experience, I can say that your aversion to the world is a healthy challenge of limits. The resolution to that kind of frustration is rarely found in feeding those feelings of aversion though. More often than not, you can overcome those limits by understanding the reason for your aversion. That is why I agree Buddhism may be helpful, it strengthens your ability to understand and overcome attachments and aversions, which when left alone, tend to cause misery and suffering.

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posted August 04, 2013 02:36 AM            

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Very well said, Xiiro.

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posted August 04, 2013 02:45 AM            

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...hesitated on sharing this....

but it's a cool site:
http://zenthrowdown.blogspot.com/2011/05/do-zen-buddhists-believe-in-god.html

Zen's always reminded me of Jnana Yoga - meaning The Path of Knowledge.

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posted August 04, 2013 03:50 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by T:
...hesitated on sharing this....

but it's a cool site:
http://zenthrowdown.blogspot.com/2011/05/do-zen-buddhists-believe-in-god.html

Zen's always reminded me of Jnana Yoga - meaning The Path of Knowledge.

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Thanks for the link, it was a good read. I am a fan of this blog too http://www.gr0wing.com/urban-monks/

I enjoy the relaxed approach this blogger applies to Buddhist philosophy.

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From: hitchhiking through the galaxy
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posted August 04, 2013 05:06 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Panthera Leo:
I'd be happy as long as I could take another form and not be punished by God if it was even possible.

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why do you believe you would be punished by God?

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posted August 04, 2013 05:29 AM            

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edit

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posted August 04, 2013 09:42 AM            

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It's too early for me so I'll be brief:

I think you need to work on this rage, determine where it comes from, and get over whatever it is that's eating you. If it makes you so angry and hateful then whatever it is must have a lot of power over you, and the key to escaping that hell you're in is to liberate yourself from that power. Anger has its place, but if it defines your life then something has gone tragically wrong.

As for anything religious...the only thing I can think of off the bat is to join one of the CR groups, they have gods that I think you could relate to a lot better and would give you your "escape." Commune with the old gods of your people long enough and they can become as real as God/Satan, even more so. However, given your seemingly extreme antisocial tendencies I'm not sure that's a valid avenue to explore, though it's possible you could walk your own path if you're up for some research and spiritual pioneering.

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posted August 04, 2013 04:33 PM            

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Xiiro, that is a great site! I just enjoyed reading a few articles. Thanks! I'm bookmarking it to check back in on

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From: hitchhiking through the galaxy
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posted August 05, 2013 03:19 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Panthera Leo:
I feel as if I'm filled with hate.I try to stop hating everyone else and control the negative feelings but they just coming back stronger than ever.I feel bitter and resentful all the time.I am never satisfied.I feel like other people seem to exist just to show me how much I don't fit.I feel really disconnected from most including friends and family members.Sometimes I feel like I couldn't care if the rest world of dropped dead. He would punish me because I'm hateful.

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the only hate i see is against yourself. And punishment will also come from yourself. Usually God has to do nothing to punish us because we bring it to ourselves through our own actions.
But you know how it's like, ”thank God for a God” otherwise who are we gonna blame for all the problems of humanity?
Btw, i don't think your problem is religion, these are the symptoms of depression imo, but i might be wrong ofc. To choose a path you have to have a clear mind and heart, so think about it; there's stuff to be dealt with spiritually and other that has to be solved by people.

You said in A2 about your 4th aqua NN and isolation, i never thought about it that way (nurturing and co) but i saw it as something that can't be avoided. Our aqua nn (our b/c i have it too) demands to deal with people (I'll continue in your other thread)

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From: Fighting Neptune for his trident
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posted August 05, 2013 08:06 AM            

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through your responses i dont see you as hating other people. i see you hating yourself though. you dont have to hate satan or god. your life is in your hands, as hard as life will punch you. know that you have control of yourself. and there is plenty of love in this world. why cant you take another form when you die? why wouldnt god let you? he loves you. everything WILL work out in the end. and if it doesn't, how are you supposed to know? in the timeline of eternity, 60-80 years to live really isnt a lot to judge on. so how can a god judge you on a smidgen on the eternal timeline? it wouldnt be fair, and god is truly fair.
dont be so hard on yourself.

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Sun Aries Moon Pisces
Mars Pisces Venus Pisces
Mercury Aries Jupiter in Virgo
Saturn in Aquarius Pluto in Scorpio
Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn
Ascendant Libra

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posted August 05, 2013 05:21 PM            

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edit

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posted August 05, 2013 05:45 PM            

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Free-will isn't free. With it comes great responsibility. But while some choose to butcher others, many choose to help others, to ease suffering, and to create wondrous works of artistic beauty. Dwell on what is right with the world, and you will see your point of view change before your eyes.

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posted August 05, 2013 09:13 PM            

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i think a lot of people feel that way. i often question myself as to why god lets all of this suffering, death and torment to happen. and i still dont have an answer, and quite frankly i dont care. i just know that i need to do what i need to do in order to ease the pain deep within myself and within others; god or no god.
i suggest this often to people, but any sort of artform is always a great outlet for all this negative energy you are feeling. and i dont mean art form like dancing or singing. anything can be an art. you just have to put your heart and soul into it.

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Sun Aries Moon Pisces
Mars Pisces Venus Pisces
Mercury Aries Jupiter in Virgo
Saturn in Aquarius Pluto in Scorpio
Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn
Ascendant Libra

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posted August 08, 2013 08:41 PM            

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Are you feeling better?

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posted August 08, 2013 09:06 PM            

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I think my mood has picked up a little bit today.Although I suppose not much has really changed.I think my best friend lifted my mood a little. We went to the cinema the other day.I just try and enjoy the short periods of time that I'm in a good mood while they last. Thank you for asking about how I'm doing Randall.

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posted August 09, 2013 12:59 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Panthera Leo:
I think my mood has picked up a little bit today.Although I suppose not much has really changed.I think my best friend lifted my mood a little. We went to the cinema the other day.I just try and enjoy the short periods of time that I'm in a good mood while they last. Thank you for asking about how I'm doing Randall.

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posted October 04, 2013 03:02 PM            

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back to this topic..
there was a time when i was optimistic about religion and god and whatever, my faith is really close to zero right now
you keep trying and trying..to be good...to do good and for what? for a ”please god forgive me for ive sinned” ? NO i havent sinned and i dont deserve the hell ive been living and i keep stumbling upon at every step i make
if there is a God he must be ******* enjoying himself on my behalf and if theres a god , to quote a jewish prisoner in the nazi lager, ”he will have to beg for MY forgivness”

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posted October 04, 2013 03:21 PM            

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That's a great point you have made Geea. You will be happy to know i'm feeling less and less interested in him or what he thinks. I'm feeling a like a weight has been lifted off my mind.On the plus side if Hell is real and do go to there apparently according to Lei Kuei its like GAY HEAVEN

So hows things with you Geea

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