posted February 17, 2009 03:00 AM         

Not my greatest time for decision making.

posted February 17, 2009 07:09 AM           

for the last 4 years, i had incredible experiences. before that, i would have thought that astrology was BS. i was kind of believing in god but not sure about it. in the last 4 years, i fell in love, which triggered some mystical experiences. i know it could be seen as delusion, because neptune is about that as well, but what im experiencing is real.

my dad was an alcoholic who died as homeless, so i think i inherited from him this neptunian tendency. he had moon, venus and neptune conjunct in libra. these planets were the apex of a T square with uranus/jupiter conjunction opposing chiron.
myself neptune is sextile sun and moon and conjunt sun/moon midpoint, also the apex of a T square with saturn opposing venus.

i think i evolved differently from my dad because my mum was here for me after i left home at 18. it could have been easy for me to fall in neptunian delusion but she got me into a course which made me keep in touch with reality in the years before transiting neptune hit my sun.

otherwise, i would have lost it.

however despite the changes in me, i realise that nothing is forever written in stone with this planet. i can feel the possibility for me to start denying these experiences and go back to "normal" life. but this is only a possibility and if i manage to summon enough determination to move on in my spritual path, i think i ll be much happier later in life. nevertheless, i avoided the big trap of delusion and will never become alcoholic or addict like i could have. now i m living my saturn return and after this spiritual awakening, life is pulling me toward realism in the material aspect.

this is kind of a rollercoaster but all of it was necessary for me to become who i am and i can only hope that it continues and i dont actually lose the plot and pull the trigger too early. lol

posted February 17, 2009 07:17 AM         

I think that it fits with my increased interest in spiritual pursuits like I went to a unity church last Saturday, and I want to join a spiritual community so I can make spiritually oriented friends and maybe even find a relationship that is spiritually oriented.

I also think that it fits with my seeing a shaman who is doing healing work on me.......that's spiritual in nature.

Transiting Neptune is also paralleling my Sun right now....that's like transiting Neptune conjunct the Sun.....the dissolution of the ego,more spirtual in self expression.

posted February 17, 2009 08:33 AM         

My attractiveness dissolved during this transit, as did my finances...neither issue bothered me at all - just wanted to sleep.

I fell in love with my bed, television & computer.
I was perceived as VERY anti-social, didn't want to be around people. Most people were psychically noisy to me.

posted February 17, 2009 06:08 PM         

during May/June 08 I had one of the most horrible times.
sometime in April my rel broke off quite unexpectedly and I took it quite hard. I became a bit depressed and I kinda lost my drive. He had disappointed me so terribly.

I must’ve looked very vulnerable, and some people started being very mean towards me. I felt completely helpless and weak in the face of such pointless violence. I was overwhelmed; they were behaving like wild beasts smelling blood. and somehow, with my own pain and this, I saw no point to defend myself.

anyways, it was almost surreal. I've always been very strong and I've always had quite a commanding demeanor. so it was very new to me. people may not always like me, but everyone has always respected me – I’ve never had to ‘earn’ that by force.

The second I managed to gather up strength and respond in power, they turned back into the small people they were. And it just made me feel more sad about the whole thing. Like everything was a game of power – and I didn’t want to have anything to do with it.

I'm not looking forward to the exact hit, to be honest. even though now I know what I'm expected to do (fight back), I still feel it's stupid and primitive to behave like that.

I’ve been preparing somehow for it. I can see myself. I cut my hair, I stopped wearing nice cloths; I stopped wearing makeup. It’s like – I wanna see who will like me for who I am – for who I really am. No more masks, no more games, no more tricks. who will love me even if I am weak and 'lost'.

posted February 20, 2009 12:50 AM           

"i 've never been more CONSCIOUSLY aware of the beauty of life than during this transit."