posted April 18, 2009 03:48 PM         

quote:

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Most men, no matter their astrological placements, if they want a woman, they go after her.

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PeaceAngel wrote this in response to a question in the Private Readings thread. It addresses an issue I'm totally obsessed with, so I thought I'd bring it up here.

I was in a relationship from age 18-32, committed and monogamous after the 1st 2 years. In my experience with boys up until the time I was 20, this was SO NOT TRUE. There were boys who everyone at school knew were madly in love with me--and would later confess it to me (in one case, the guy confessed it by email 10 years later), but they were too intimidated to make a move.

I think a reason there's so much genuine confusion is that, in fact, men, like women, DO NOT always, easily, make a straightforward move towards the women they want most, or feel most intimately romantic towards.

Sometimes they are shy, troubled, vague, drifty, or wounded and don't make a move towards anyone. Other times they'll choose someone less intimidating, because they don't feel "up to" being with their fantasy girl, so they'll choose a less threatening, easier, friendly, maternal girl instead (like that guy who got in touch with me 10 years later to say he was still obsessed with me.)

Now, as an adult who got rejected for the first time, I worry that it is only teenage boys who ever get shy, confused, or scared, and that if an adult man wants you, he'll go for you. Since I really have no experience in the adult world that way. So I wanted to hear from more experienced men and women.

It seems to me that LOTS of men and women alike DO NOT act on their feelings in a clear, direct way. It also seems to me that sometimes we are not sure about each other, and we need encouragement (which varies based on astrological makeup)...for instance, a Scorpio man needs to know he can trust you, a Leo woman needs you to prove you're not a wimp...we need seduction, we need each other's behavior to build up attraction.

I get very frustrated with the whole, "If he doesn't immediately want to marry you and forsake all others and buy a house with a picket fence together, then he's NEVER going to want to kiss or touch or get to know you and NOTHING YOU DO and no moment you share will ever change his mind," thing. I mean, nobody gives career advice like that! They help you brainstorm different approaches to getting what you want.

I talk to lots of single women, and all most all of them are in situations where they are attracted to men who send mixed messages, and the relationship is uncertain, hesitant, or confusing. (Same deal for men, too, actually.)

I guess I'm just frustrated, because the men who "go after" me aren't the same men I WANT to have "go after" me!!! What's a Leo woman to do? As a teen, it was easier, because all those shy or intimidated guys would eventually come around, and meanwhile I had lots of other exciting people to keep me happy and entertained.

At this age, I meet men who are exciting enough to keep my 8th house Lioness Sun happy and entertained about once a year. Obviously, I want to make out with THOSE men.

posted April 18, 2009 04:37 PM         

I disagree completely with PA's assessment of men. Some men will never approach you, even if they want you. Others will approach you, flirt with you, and sleep with you even if they have no plans to date you.

This should be a no brainer.

Anyway, I'm 21. When I was 17-19 I dated someone. I had to make all the moves (ask him out and then dump him). I wore the pants. Then I saw a guy who is all about the chase (and it's not guys that are into chasing, many of my girlfriends are this way too and get tired of guys once they have them) and is a huge **** . Then I dated a guy for FIVE MONTHS didn't want to be official even though he only saw me and had no other girls in his life and when I finally got fed up and left him, he told me that he wanted me (it was already too late).... btw that guy had four planets in Libra. Now I'm dating a guy who SERIOUSLY acts like a "woman" (by society's stereotypes).

posted April 18, 2009 04:46 PM           

Im an 8th house Aries with Sun quincunx Pluto, and im the type who would go after someone or sth i want.

In the past 3 years, i chased three men, and i can tell you that it was an absolute failure with all of them. Nothing came out, i just scared them away, even though im 100% sure, that two of them love(d) me as well. But it doesnt matter, if they dont want to make the first step.
It was a huge lesson for me.

Then Two months ago i went to a party, and i met guy who started to chase me from the moment he saw me. And for the first time in my life, i let a man show what he wanted, and we're together from that night

posted April 18, 2009 04:52 PM         

If they have been hurt through trust in the past they may not come forward.

posted April 18, 2009 05:01 PM         

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he problem is that people are quick to lump people together by gender and that is not correct. People are people, you have to look at them individually. Asking one guy what he wants wont tell you what the next guy wants. Same with women. What I want in a guy is vastly different from my girlfriends, who all want different things too.

I disagree completely with PA's assessment of men. Some men will never approach you, even if they want you. Others will approach you, flirt with you, and sleep with you even if they have no plans to date you.

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posted April 18, 2009 05:06 PM           

Ive encountered this type of ignorance on occasions, mainly recently. If I dont go after someone, there must be something wrong with me. On occasions a woman came to the conclusion there was something wrong wih her (there was, she was late for a date!)
Hardly ever have I heard those women and women in general ask why, what other reasons that person may have. Oh no, Hes Just Not That Into You! (Thanks whoever wrote that book!)

There are people with traits that may hold them back such as: shy, troubled, vague, drifty, or wounded. That is fine.
I have a set of personal rules/standards in how I go about things. All people are treated equal. Only fair way.
While as much as I want and need it, nothing will happen until I do what I need to. I dont need to explain what - sure the whole place knows what. While Im still going about my goals, the other person who might be interested does not know that. All they can do is assume, follow the guidelines in a book/magazine and come to a conclusion.
If the conclusion Is That Im Just Not That Into Her, it is the wrong one.

She could be the sexiest woman alive, but if Im not in a place where I want to be, the other person wont be having me approach her.

You speak like a typical woman... meaning....you expect the guy to come and chase you. Then complain when this might not happen...for whatever reason.
I cant stand that. Only waiting for Men to contact you says to me that Women are sheep and follow the rest of the pack. Too caught up in what society expects the role of Man and Woman to be.

Plenty of Women who have the confidence to "break the rules"
Women can look for bravery in an approach, some Men look for a person with their own mind, in an approach. That would be me.

posted April 18, 2009 05:46 PM           

quote:

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There are only 2 rules:
NEVER chase a man
NEVER sleep with a man for months

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I have them same rules. I never chase a Man!
Make that one rule then!

But really, never chase a woman...and....she will wait for me in that regard!
A woman chasing me will come face to face with her own gender rules on dating. I wonder if they will like that?

Any sign of what you call "the chase" comes across as manipulation. Like only speaking for minutes at a time
That to me, is a bad personality flaw.
Something you expect off a 17 year old.

I guess that type of thing is done to assess character. There are other ways of going about it, less manipulative. Something that doesnt show a bad personality flaw.

The manipulation tells me they dont have a good enough personality in which to engage. Otherwise, they wouldnt need to find sneaky ways of trying to make the opposite sex more atttracted to them.

posted April 18, 2009 06:38 PM           

So, should I be crossing a few people out on here? Are some of you these 17 year...girls, who dont have enough of a personality to attract a Man, or am I just making assumptions?

Honesty is a very good trait to have.

posted April 18, 2009 06:38 PM         

Why don't I approach guys?
For myself, I'm with Lara. I treat matters of the heart like war. I think this is basic gender difference behaviour. Men are hunters, women are gatherers. We collect men, they are to approach us (which is what maybe PA is trying to say). We traditionally use our Venuses to attract, lure and seduce. Men use Mars to be on the hunt.

I like to keep face and when it comes to matters of the heart, which is the initial 5th house, my 5th house is Leo (and the only bit in my whole chart that is! No planets, points or major asteroids). Believe it or not, I was going to set up a post about this but this post beat me. For myself, I do use tactics, I like to feel out the other person and make sure they like me and make them come to ME before I expose any of my feelings. My ego is NOT to be tampered with in matters of the heart. I will not play second to another girl in competition with me, I will not play second to my partner. That is why I never approach, I might give a signal of liking a guy but I never approach. Don't trifle with my ego or you just might get electrocuted.

...and so, maybe that is one reason why a male will not approach a female.

Another reason is that he feels that he might not feel adequate and that if a girl is popular, then he may assess that he is likely to be rejected.

Look to the 5th house.

posted April 18, 2009 06:46 PM         

Kick it - honesty is imperative although a woman can be TOO honest.
"i'm in love with you, lets have babies" after 20 dinners/drinks and four shags is honest yet incredibly DUMB!

I think the main problem is that women can't be ass'd to actually learn how men THINK! haha
So they treat them as one of the girls and then are hurt and offended when the guy doesn't behave like one.

Men don't want mothers or teachers, critical grandmothers nor yapping dogs. Men WANT women to understand them and love them, for them... it's so ******* simple - just nobody seems to get it!

posted April 18, 2009 06:59 PM         

Let men bloody hunt!!!!
All we have to do is be ourselves and we still **** that up! lol

What should happen:
man meets WORTHY woman, asks for number/whatever and they part. If that man likes you he will find you... hunt you, chase you, maim you, date you, woo you and drag you into his cave a few months down the line against your will. Man has the upper hand and the woman becomes submissive to him... trusts him totally, somewhat understands him and so she gives herself to him. She allows him to literally feast on his prey.

What actually happens is:
man meets woman.
Now there's a fork in the road.
If she's full of insecurity she will probably sleep with him that night and he will think she's a loser in the morning. she will cal him a b4stard even though SHE slept with him. and repeat the pattern.
If she's just a woman who doesn't understand men she will give her number and leave. Then she will go home and her mind will play out a relationship scenario so when he phones her, she's already on date 4. LOL
So they have dinner, flirt and she's thinking l like this man, l wanna date him and the next day he doesn't text her. So she texts him!! Why??? (cos she's already on date 4) haha
A few dates later and he is warming up and she is already almost engaged to him in her head! So he backs off, she asks him "whats the matter?" LOL nutz... so he makes an excuse and they have a row - she is left thinking he's a d1ck and he is left thinking, god damn... why is she so needy.

HA HA HA dynamics between men and women are just insane most of the time and i have to say it's mostly the WOMAN'S fault... women mess up men more than men mess up women.

posted April 18, 2009 07:03 PM           

quote:

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I think the main problem is that women can't be ass'd to actually learn how men THINK! haha
So they treat them as one of the girls and then are hurt and offended when the guy doesn't behave like one.

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Good point there. I have been with groups of women on a night out with friends and it can be intimidating!!!!! Very off-putting.
Men think sex, food and football. Lesson over! You knew that!

quote:

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Men don't want mothers or teachers, critical grandmothers nor yapping dogs. Men WANT women to understand them and love them, for them... it's so ******* simple - just nobody seems to get it!

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Yes, communication is key.

It is important to get the basics right at the start. You have two people with different lifestyles, backgrounds, views, friends and the rest, it can be hard.

Big differences in a relationship can cause a power struggle, even if not intended.
Thats where astrology can play a part in finding out where the trouble is.

posted April 18, 2009 07:09 PM         

My eyes are wide open... self taught in the art of understanding men, thats all.

I spend my entire life advising my female friends on how to handle their men!!!
which sucks cos women generally have no idea. That's not degrading Kick it, it's just the truth.

posted April 18, 2009 07:18 PM           

quote:

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What actually happens is:
man meets woman.
Now there's a fork in the road.
If she's full of insecurity she will probably sleep with him that night and he will think she's a loser in the morning.

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Or maybe she just got caught up in the moment and thought she really like him at the time and will wake up and want nothing to do with him, while he calls her and then feels like a loser.

It happens.

Relationships and sex are complicated. Women are after sex too. Most of them just won't admit it, so they have relationsips with men so they can have sex and not feel like a **** .