posted May 19, 2009 10:17 AM              

moments ago i looked at our charts together and it hit me.

she has her Kiron/Neptune/Lilith cj my ASC!

She indeed has the enormous force to hurt me,and have the upper hand on me.i love her but she is always agasint me,like if she felt her authority threatened.

i dont get it - are all mothers like that?Why dont parents give love without wanting to make rules to have the upper hand on their children?why hurt just to be above,and why not care and understand each other+s uniqueness?

Why do parents judge their children?Arent them supposed to be the ones of most support in Life?

Her Pluto cj my stellium of nessus/valentine/karma/mars...and her saturn is right at my MC.

posted May 19, 2009 02:40 PM            

Probably you are just (physically) too close. It`s difficult for a mother to acknowledge her daughter has grown up and is making her own decision, if the daughter is still living in the same house.
And for a daughter it is always difficult to act like a grown up woman around her own mother.

There are so many "games" from the past, so many (unhealthy) patterns that just get repeated again and again.
And usually unfortunately only one person becomes aware of it.

posted May 19, 2009 02:56 PM              

Well i wasnt making any specific question,it was only me rambling.

but i think my relationship with her might have some underneath things,coming from past lifes maybe...it is only with me that she has this relationship,while with even with my twin sister,is regular.

ii is very strange...

posted May 19, 2009 03:16 PM              

she is too much proud and stubborn for it.she usualy likes to show the victim,for the other person to feel guilty,or others to sympathize.

im almost with no way of how to deal with this right.

i know im a great daughter but she keeps doing the same things,and keep pushing me aside on the business.

the fact is that i dont want to quit.i deserve to have the opportunity to show i worth the valour i know i have.

posted May 19, 2009 03:43 PM            

And you really do not have to prove anything. Not even to her.
I know us daughters seem to try to show our parents, especially mothers, that they can be proud of us.

But as a matter of fact that`s not true.
We only have to be ourselves,a nd that should be enough.
And maybe it`s also up to us to detach from all these expectation that we think our mothers put on us.

posted May 20, 2009 04:51 AM            

WTF????

I wait for a few days and then write a letter that is pure tour de force.

Excerpts:

"Report me to the authorities? For what? Two fairly reasonable letters and one angry phone call? That does not constitute harassment."
"Most lawyers would rub their hands together with glee when they saw you coming, on account of your wasting your money on them...or...some might actually refuse to represent you, as the case would simply collapse through the sheer flimsiness of your argument. As for the authorities, they would soon be fed up with your wasting their time."
"Can I ask why you feel the need to make those sorts of threats? Do you feel out of control unless you do?"
"It's not just a case of having someone locked up if they displease you, you know."
"You are incapable of thinking in a logical manner. Secondly, there is absolutely no room for compromise, discussion, or debate with you...You are always right, no matter how wrong you are."
"I am fed up with your treating other people like sh*t".
"I am aware that you hate me...as you feel very threatened by me."
(On her behaviour pattern of pushing my buttons) "I know exactly what you are doing and so do you, and I am not going to let you get away with this one".
(On her past problems including anorexia, depression and generally crazy behaviour) "...And YOU are suggesting I get professional help! Ha!"
"I am not intimidated by you or Father (he backing her up in any behaviour, no matter how outrageous, and refusing to listen to me) - or anyone, for that matter...as a 35-year-old adult I do expect a degree of respect, and I don't see it from you, only a desire for one-upmanship at all costs."
"Thank you for reading this letter. You have my express permission to bandy it about to whomever you please, and show it to any authorities you deem worthy to report me to for "harassment". I am sure they would be delighted to read the contents."

(you get the idea)
For me, these were the right words at the right time, in the right situation. They are really typically Aries, and I'm not saying this would work for everybody, but certainly letting people like this know you are not afraid of them works a treat - but you have to be absolutely certain in your actions, because the mental standpoint is the strongest one. Once you are shored up there, you can fear nothing. I recommend Barrie Konicov's hypnotic tape "Be Positive" - you can download a clip from the Potentials Unlimited website. This gives really effective visualization exercises on how to cope with such people and I can vouch that it has worked for me.

I also informed the relevant relatives of what had been going on, so that there could be no play-acting and no excuses. I thought they might as well know, irrespective of whether it was their business or not. I wouldn't normally do something like this, but my mother isn't above badmouthing me to everyone in the slightest, so I thought I'd give her a taste of her own medicine. Of course I know her next tactic will probably be to pretend to be all upset and say she didn't mean any harm, and also to restate that I "need professional help" - well, I figure I can cope with that, as she now knows exactly what I think of her. To date, I've had one missed call from her on my answerphone (which I haven't returned), and no further talk of harassment (touch wood).

For myself, I don't particularly want to talk to her for some considerable time - seems that confronting/ignoring works though - if you expose the chinks in the narcissist's argument, they will dwindle away and (metaphorically) die. Unfortunately I don't feel I can talk to my father because, as I said, he won't listen to me, and she has a hold over him to the extent that it's always a case of "my upsetting Mother" - it's not a case of whether I have feelings or not, because apparently I'm not allowed to (have them).

And yeah, I've re-registered my company at my new address so that problem is at least taken care of once and for all, and I know for a fact she can't be trusted with anything, ever. A few years ago she tried to sue me for property that was actually mine, because she wanted the money from its sale - all it took was one letter from my solicitor to hers and that was the end of that and we didn't talk for 3 years. She was going through a phase of seeing solicitors for everything imaginable and at least one solicitor actually refused to represent her as they said they had no time for dealing with "stupid arguments".

It's a lottery - some people have great parents, some have sh*t parents, and I suppose I have accepted by now that mine are the latter, and that I just have to get on with things.

I've posted a lot about my mum here over the years, under a different username - prob deleted a lot LOL - but, like a lot of things in my life, it does appear that certain stuff/opinions/viewpoints are crystallizing, may have something to do with my time of life, I don't know - I'm sort of in my prime and she's approaching 70. Could be Saturn on my Ascendant? Who knows?

Anyway - don't pander to your mum, just BE STRONG AND ASSERTIVE and DON'T FEEL GUILT because these people feed off it & will not respect you. And yeah, you are allowed to lose your temper with them, it's healthy! There is no need for anyone to have the feeling of walking on eggshells. That is only something they are trying to project onto you. It's all in the mind. Once you have the mental strength you are practically there.

(Actually, when it comes down to it, it's a simple question of dog eat dog)

Love,

posted May 20, 2009 06:13 AM              

first of all thank you for your advices and for showing your experiences.

i am sorry you had to passed through all that - i imagine it must be hard to feel that our parents are not as perfect as we thought they were,when we were children. itīs a process we all learn isnt it?

Fortunately,my parents are not THAT problematic,they would never do to me sth like of what your Mom did - is she still in depression or sth?
my mother alerady had 4 along her life - my Father is a great support for her and yup..generaly when sth comes up,he sees us the sons and daughters as the origin of motherīs upsetting...that is what happens.in one way,i admire this love they have but i see also that with time they get used to this,and even when many times dont exist respect from both sides,they do always the same and keep the cycle going on.

i wonder if they someday see their daughters or sons as gronw ups,with unique and individual personalities and their own scale of values,and feelings?

that is what matters here really.they are so caught up in their limitations,they only want to practise authority,establish their rules and punish throug manipulation whenever we dont do what they want us to do.

for their whole life,they dont change.they stagnate and even when wrong they see themselves as perfetc human beings,whose "children" no longer respect,once they grow up.

it is sad really.
but i was the one doing wrong - i kept trying to proof my own value,and DD is right:i dont have to. i know how much i am.

i just need to find my way.

posted May 20, 2009 05:37 PM            

I actually received a card from my mother at my old address this afternoon, trying to shift loads of blame on to me, and I actually realized I didn't care any more. I scanned it, and then it went straight in the bin. I nearly sent it back to her, but I felt it was imperative not to show a reaction.

My parents have never cared for me outside of the event of my being a performing seal, they have been almost exclusively preoccupied with their own desires ever since time began, even though I am their only child and not actually much hassle; why should I care for them? They were supposed to safeguard me whilst I was on this earth; that never happened. In fact, they have always been more dangerous to my health than anything else.

I am my own best father and mother; there is nothing they can offer me, and I just want to put the whole fact of their being my parents behind me and move on. I don't need them anymore, and if this sounds harsh, my mother used to say to me repeatedly when I was only 11 or 12: "You need me. I don't need you."

No, I want to put this hurt behind me. I have a new name at LL and I want the new lease of life that it brings. I want to forget about the badness, it belongs to a different era, and I want to believe it never existed. I don't want to be the focus of pity, and continually have this pain inside me, that never goes away. I am proud of what I stand for, and I am moving into a new phase of my life.

Love,

posted May 21, 2009 06:53 AM              

i hope you manage to go forward and be happy.you surely are a strong and mindfull person.

23

well,my case is not like Lyraīs cause i consider i had a good childwood and teen.but now that i am 25,i wanted to be valued of rwho i am,and show that im not just a young girl,but a mature and intelligent person.In the business where i was,along with Mother...it was due to my determination,my ideas,the site i developed about it,that in this time of crisis,the business staied up.

she never thanked me,never said it was my help that contributed to that...she continuously want to spend the income to bring new things,while i know we should sell what we already have.she will bring that down to bankrupcy if she continues like that...she doenst listen to me.she just want to do things her way.that she knows best,she is older,i am the daughter and i do not know nothing....

and worse-she is not even paying me.i did all that waiting for an approval.a thank you.Maybe offering me to manage the business.?

and i even have my name in finances and social security because of my Dad!i let him put my name while i was studying and now the company was bankrupt,he made debts in my name and i cant even have anyting in my name! not even a bank account.

now tell me what should i think?is this sth that parents usually do? they tell me i shoudl help,that its an obligation as a daughter....but isnt it an obligation of parents to support their children?give them space to be who they are and support their dreams?

posted May 21, 2009 06:56 AM              

So..i dont know what to do more to solve these things...i just wanna be free of all this burden.

posted May 22, 2009 07:13 AM            

My mum seems to look right through me, undermines what I say and minimizes my presence in front of the rest of my family.

I have often thought if she feels threatened by me, but I have no idea why. Then I wonder if I remind her too much of her first marriage.

My mother had unloving dysfunctional relationships with her Mum and sisters. I've tried to break the cycle but I've given up trying after 43 years of trying.

In a recent conversation with a colleague whom I greatly admire, it was interesting to see that we both agreed that not interacting with family is sometimes the healthiest choice to make.

posted February 09, 2012 02:27 PM            

Basic astrology forum, How to approach Synastry http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum12/private-jjLYZw161/HTML/000667.html
when you get this chart, please also post the *pdf file*, above left should be *view additional tables (PDF)* This will bring up the aspect grid –at a glance planet to planet. Post the whole PDF file, what we are looking for if scroll down to ‘partner comparison’ aspect grid
Please remember to reduce the orb ratio down to 40% as the max orb between planets is 3'