Posts: 76
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 04:48 PM         

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i'm still having sexual feelings about my ex, even though i know he's no good for me. i still "think of him" in that way, and NO i'm not going to go with someone else to lessen the pain. i'm not like that.

what should i do?

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Posts: 832
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted July 11, 2009 04:52 PM         

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I'd say what you're feeling is completely normal. When I was getting my divorce I sometimes felt such wild stabs of hunger, even though I knew I didn't want to be with him anymore.
After a little while, the feelings passed. They come up from time to time, but it's not like it used to be, not that crazy feelings.

If you won't consider being with anyone else, then I also hope you're not going back to him if you know things are no good between you.
I hope you just go easy on you and give yourself space to feel how you feel, and trust that in time it will fade (as long as you two don't communicate)

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Posts: 76
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:07 PM         

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i think of him with other girls...

don't judge me.

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Posts: 832
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:09 PM         

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I'm not judging you ... I just said it was normal

What did you want to do about him?
I'm sorry you're having to go through this

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Posts: 198
From: Sydney, Australia
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:12 PM         

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i love the thought of my bf with another girl. Id love to walk in on it
Pls note b.f not husband lol

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•' •.♥♫♫´°°♫ • Life is Beautiful •.♥.•♫°°´♫♫ ♥ •

•Sun• Cancer
•Moon• Gemini
•Mars• Cancer
•Mercury• Cancer
•Venus• Leo

•••Virgo Rising•••

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Posts: 76
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:15 PM         

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i know you weren't. i really appreciate your help.

but i said "i "think of him" in THAT way, but he's not ....ing me, he's with other girls...

is that really sad and pathetic? i'm such a fvcking loser ugh.

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Posts: 76
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:22 PM         

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but belgz, wouldn't that thought make you sick? like with intense jealousy and revenge or something?

and i feel sooo disgusted that i find pleasure in those thoughts. like WTF is wrong with me? i mean, the sex with him was so good, like i couldn't even think of anyone else. and now that i want to move on, that sexual tension still isn't going.

DAMN his mars in Taurus opposing my venus. UGHHH

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Posts: 407
From: richmond va
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:23 PM         

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Dude, lots of people feel that way about certain exes. I'm still not over a guy I dated for 5 months and haven't seen in a year. You're not a loser. I even find comfort in thinking about him, too.

And plenty people get off on the thought of their spouse doing another person. Why do you think there's "wife cheating" porn?

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Posts: 59
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:25 PM         

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@MAnnequin My heart goes out to you it's hard but you'll get through it.

@Belgz really? I have a sort of fantasy thing for threesomes but I wouldn't want to be the one in the couple. The threesome sort of implies that the part of the couple isn't enough.

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Posts: 56
From: Bay Area, California
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:45 PM         

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it is normal, I still feel the same way and I have moved on. I just advise you not to do what I did, cry/have a break down in front of him before sex, consent to having sex, and then have another breakdown right in front of him after sex. It's my biggest regret, and I'm sure he feels like s**t. I was so emotional because I was still in love with him, but I was in so much pain, and that conflicting with sexual chemistry, what a mindf**k. I can't put it in any other understandable term. It was just a very bad experience and I don't wish it on anyone.

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Posts: 1085
From: aspideronmars
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:47 PM         

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It's normal... i'm still pining after my ex FB and my ex BF.
grrrrr

Some aspects are damn hard to shift out of one's psyche

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Posts: 831
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:52 PM         

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one school of thought believes that once you have been connected to someone emotionally and/OR sexually the bond remains.

breaking up does not sever it, cord-cutting rituals may. but either way it does take time. a time of mourning perhaps for a dead relationship? or just a habit that needs to be replaced with something healthier/ more preferrable?

last year i ran into a man i was crazy about at 17. the electricity was even stronger if you can believe it! and i hadn't thought about him in decades! this one is not upsetting so it's a little different from yours, but just an illustration of the ties that bind...

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Posts: 729
From: Dayton,Ohio USA
Registered: May 2009

posted July 11, 2009 05:52 PM         

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Sometimes a person just affects us a certain way, and that is the way it is.
You know, chemistry and all that.
I still think of someone from twenty-some years ago, I don't think thats abnormal, we just really clicked in that way.

When you have detached you emotions from the situation (after some time has passed) you probably will find that it does LESSEN though, you know, attraction. And in its place is sort of a, I don't know, detached, bittersweetness?

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Posts: 604
From: Toledo, OH
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 08:02 PM         

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i have done the same thing many times..its perfectly normal.

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Posts: 694
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2009 09:51 PM         

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Listen, sometimes I wish sex energy and attraction were always in line with our best interests and our logical intentions...but they just really aren't!

Sex and attraction are crazily complicated, intense, sometimes dark, illogical, and did I mention complicated? Sorry you're going through this...in my experience a good cure is meeting a new guy who turns you on more intensely than the ex. (Not going with someone else to "lessen the pain"--just when you meet someone and you're like, "Ex? Ex who?")

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Posts: 9
From:
Registered: Jun 2009

posted July 12, 2009 03:45 AM         

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Mannequin,
I like your honesty, and I can relate to those feelings! Like what many have said already, I think it's completely normal. I used to be confused by my continued attraction to my ex (even though he mistreated me during the relationship). But after a while, I felt like I was just making myself go crazy thinking about him that way and becoming jealous with the thought of him with someone else. I think it just takes time ...

FoxyAries,
I went through a similar experience and like you, wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I'd be sobbing and breaking apart and then find myself reaching for him in order to find some comfort. I feel not only regret but great shame ... I was so in love with him and in so much pain that I couldn't think straight and just wanted to be near him, even though he was the one causing me pain. What made you say that he probably felt like s**t about it?

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Posts: 56
From: Bay Area, California
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 12, 2009 05:01 AM         

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He was just really, mopey, after it happened and expressed his feelings. Our circumstances are quite complicated since it was a long distance relationship. He said he felt genuwinely bad afterward, just like I did. Though I'm sure I felt way more regret then he did. I think he expected for that connection to be there regardless of our title, but he knew when I got upset that it's gone. I can't go down that road again, its like pouring salt on my wounds. You have to allow yourself to heal from that relationship before you try and go back and have a friendship or any othe connection--you'll never move on. That's my problem.

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Posts: 76
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 13, 2009 09:46 AM         

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thank you guys so much. it's comforting to know i'm not alone in this.

i wish i could do an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and erase him from my conscious.

i just hate feeling like i can't have him anymore, and some other girl will, and he won't feel anything for me anymore.

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Posts: 694
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 13, 2009 12:46 PM         

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That's probably not true--you probably BOTH still sexually obsess, even though it's best for both of you not to be a couple.

Speaking from personal experience, it doesn't necessarily help to know that your ex is still sexually obsessed with you and that sometimes he thinks about you when he's with other partners--because the problem is still the same, ie, you have ants in your pants for each other but the relationship sucked and it is time to move on, yet your sexual anatomy doesn't always follow.

But it might help to never assume that just because your ex has a new partner(s), you are not in his mind.

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