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Author
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Topic: When an x wants to come back
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scrappydog
Knowflake Posts: 288
From: Texas
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 08:40 PM
 
My estranged husband of almost 2 years now has been calling the past 2 weeks. He is really depressed and says he can't stop thinking of me. He cries and says he's sorry for everything he had ever done and he wants to come back home so we can be together again. Right now he's halfway across the country. I'm the one that terminated the relationship and made him leave. I had never loved a man with the intensity that I loved him and no matter how hard i've tried the past 18 months I cannot love any of the men i've met and there's been plenty. We didn't lie or cheat on eachother. after 2 great years he became severly addicted to drugs and I started drinking more and more to deal with it. In the end I felt he chose drugs over me so as he calls it "I abandoned him". I've been clean and sober since the day I threw him out. He says he's been clean too and had no desire to go back. I don't know what to believe. Sorry about the rant, I'm just confused right now.
Looking at our transits I'm right in my saturn return at 0 deg. He has t sarutn square saturn 0 deg. T pluto is going into a conj with my moon and is squaring my saturn 1 deg. T pluto is conj his saturn 1 deg. My t nodes are squaring my sun pluto conj 0 deg, neptune is also trining my sun 1 deg. I'm not sure what to make of any of this.IP: Logged |
AquariusMoon
Knowflake Posts: 18
From: Uranus
Registered: Oct 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 08:47 PM
I have some warning here:
You said he is depressed and an alcholic. I am sure when those transits leave him his brain will 'function' properly, he will see things more clearly. he will not want to come back anymore. i know this because i know someone who is depressed myself, known him for seven years! and my best friend is dating an alcolholic and so was my father. alcohol does many miserable things to the brain. his alcoholism is the reason why he is so emotional and depressed, that is the effects that alchohol does to you.
dont go back to him, be there as a friend only. sorry i could go on, but i am sure you know what to do in your heart. IP: Logged |
hikoro
Knowflake Posts: 67
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 09:53 PM
AquariusmoonShe relied on alcohol. He on drugs. Scrappydog Ok now... This is a tough situation. I mean, can you be sure that he has stopped using drugs? I am also concerned about the fact he says he is depressed. This is worrisome. If I were you, I would take it very slowly...but not sexual or romantic yet, just as an acquaintance or friend. But, you first have to make sure that he is clean and then, I would get help for both of you, programs the two of you could attend for drug addiction and also, marriage therapy and counseling for his depression. Also, what happened? I mean..it seems as if both of you ended up using drugs. There is something in the relationship, individually or in the charts that must have led to this circumstance. If this can be solved, then good. If not, then maybe it is not healthy for the two of you to be together. Sometimes, people draw the worst from each other. Be safe and strong. IP: Logged |
AquariusMoon
Knowflake Posts: 18
From: Uranus
Registered: Oct 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 11:01 PM
Oh sorry didn't read it clearly.IP: Logged |
StarrofVenusGirl
Knowflake Posts: 353
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 11:02 PM
quote:
Sometimes, people draw the worst from each other.
I have witnessed this first hand in a very close personal relationship for several years. Same situation--drug addict and a partner who nurses their own addictions to cope. I would not rely on astrology in this situation. At best, it might provide an explanation of why you both are vulnerable to these afflictions or reveal a dynamic in your relationship that is not otherwise explained. That's it. To determine your next steps, rely solely on your intuition and common sense. Of primary concern is his sobriety. He's either off the drugs forever, or not. This will be readily apparent to you. He has to demonstrate a willingness to seek lifetime assistance with his addiction, and like Hikoro said, you both need individual and couples therapy. Of secondary concern is his depression. If he is not clean and stable, and able to maintain a functioning life with a job, etc. then you don't need him. You cannot allow him to compromise your own sobriety or else you will form a destructive, codependent relationship that will destroy you both. Good luck. IP: Logged |
scrappydog
Knowflake Posts: 288
From: Texas
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 11:10 PM
Yes your right after a year of his drug use and my begging him and toughing it out, I started using too. I figured if I can't beat him, then I'll join him. It lasted with us using together for a little over a year. His demon's seemed to bring out mine, because I was 25 when I started and had never used drugs ever and only drank socially up to that point. There was quite a bit of plutonic and 8th house energy there, his pluto conj my venus and square my mars. We Both had planets in eachother's 8th house's and Composite sun conj jupiter in scorp in the 8th. Also his very tight sun, mars, neptune conj in scorp conjoined my scorp desc, merc, uranus. He says he is clean and has been now, but he could be lying. OR delusional with all that powerful neptune energy he has in his own chart. One thing he always had was a deluded sense of self. I don't think he has ever known who he is. Some of this comes from his background I know. He has scorpio moon square uranus exact. His mother gave him up for adoption, But not untill he was 3 years old. His adopted father physically abused him the rest of his childhood and sexually abuse3d his adoptive sister. And the father got away with it.IP: Logged |
hikoro
Knowflake Posts: 67
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 11:51 PM
ScrappydogMy intuition was telling me that one of you or both had issues regarding relatives and family members. I honestly don't know much about astrology, so I can't say about what you wrote. You could post your synastry and composite charts and maybe, someone else will give some insight on whether the relationship is worth saving. But, I had a job where I had to deal with families that had issues with substance abuse. So, I am looking at things in 'the practical manner'. The only thing I can say is that it is up to you. I mean, it seems you love each other very much but are both of you willing to make things work? Is it worth it? I am just trying to make you think beyond your feelings because sometimes, love is not enough. IP: Logged |
the_first_breath
Knowflake Posts: 5
From:
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted November 25, 2009 11:56 PM
I think sometimes people do draw the worst from each other. A confusing thing is that a conflict between values makes each of them more aware of their own values and that is an attractive experience but the intensity of the experience is obtained through a passionate self defense on both parts. Two people with a dazzlingly self-clarifying intensity between them but only because there is so much of a need to defend themselves from one another when they become close. If neither finds a more supportive way to reach that clarity, what is the best that can happen? Each person's ability to defend their value in efforts or challenges in other areas of their lives is hurt, eventually worn down, weathered away? I'm thinking of the 2nd House, and then the other earth houses. When earth house stuff suffers through an involvement with anyone, that's the worst of the worst, the last chances to run?
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teasel
Knowflake Posts: 335
From: Ohio
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 26, 2009 01:33 AM
I have no advice, I just wanted to say take care of yourself. 
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iQ
Knowflake Posts: 813
From: Chennai, India
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 26, 2009 03:25 AM
Only friendship for atleast 12 months.
He must totally detoxify, else it will be back to square one.
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Lara
Knowflake Posts: 2056
From: aspideronmars
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 26, 2009 04:29 AM
RUN LIKE HELL !! (that is serious advice having been there - people don't change being saying 'sorry'.) IP: Logged |
mercuranian
Knowflake Posts: 142
From: the 12th house
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 26, 2009 05:43 AM
you already know what to do... listen to your intuition and pay attention to your dreamsIP: Logged |
dripfire
Knowflake Posts: 5
From: san jose, ca, usa
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted November 26, 2009 06:01 AM
Tell him to do a 12 step programme with a good sponsor or you'll call it quits. And no personal contact unless supervised for a while (bring a trusted friend if you want to visit him and have plans to enjoy the day with your friend if he shows the wrong weaknesses). Keep phone calls on this topic of his progress. He has to be ready to quit and get help and not just say he is sorry. Good Luck! IP: Logged |
swirl-kitt
Knowflake Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 26, 2009 06:49 AM
Only friendship for atleast 12 months.
He must totally detoxify, else it will be back to square one.
I agree with this one.
If he doesn't agree he probably doesn't think he is ready NOT to go back to drugs, even for you. IP: Logged |
flyin_free_70
Knowflake Posts: 26
From: Cran, BC, Canada
Registered: Aug 2009
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posted November 27, 2009 09:10 AM
Oh boy, does this sound like my ex! I too kicked him out after about 4years of his drug use. (we were together for 16 years). We have been split up for 4.5 years and he too would take me back in an instant...I on the other hand want nothing to do with him. My take on this is when somebody is feeling down or depressed, which often happens with drug use, they look back to a time when their lives were better...and they want that over what their going through now. Which is normal I guess. But just be careful. I took him back many, many times...every time he promised he'd quit, every time the nightmare would just start all over again. Your choice, but just be careful. IP: Logged |
Diana
Knowflake Posts: 969
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 27, 2009 06:16 PM
I agree witht what everyone else said. I also think it could be the holidays. No one wants to be alone for the holidays and getting back with an ex is a quick fix for that. IP: Logged |
scrappydog
Knowflake Posts: 288
From: Texas
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 27, 2009 06:31 PM
Ya I agree we both have issues with family, he was physically abused and I was sexually abused. I'm suspicious that he was drunk when he made some of these calls. As Lara said meybe I should run like hell. If he came back here and exposed me to all this underworld existance that I was subject to before I could be ruined. IP: Logged |
scrappydog
Knowflake Posts: 288
From: Texas
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 27, 2009 06:36 PM
flyin free, yes every time he swore he would quit it was just the beginning of another nightmare. The 12 step advise was helpful, but I don't think he would ever do such a thing. He is native american, like me, but I grew up in wealth and priveledge and he grew up with nothing. Now he is on a rez in north dakota with no recources and I do truely worry for him.
IP: Logged |
MysticMelody
Moderator Posts: 287
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 27, 2009 09:04 PM
Great posts, everyone.  I especially like yours, The First Breath. Scrappy, if you two are meant to be then a little time isn't going to take that away. Keep working on your own health and happiness and let him prove himself to you. IP: Logged |
the_first_breath
Knowflake Posts: 5
From:
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted November 27, 2009 09:34 PM
Thank you, MysticMelody. Intimacy is one of my favorite study topics.And good luck to you, scrappydog, no matter how you decide to approach his expressions, good luck. IP: Logged |
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